TNA Wrestling Impact! #6
by Scott Christ
And now, from Stage 21 at Universal Studios at Universal Orlando Resort, it's Total Nonstop Action Wrestling Impact! This is episode No. 6 and we are airing on July 9, 2004 (taped July 8, 2004)
NON-TITLE MATCH - THE NATURALS (NWA Tag Team Champions) v. TRIPLE X: SAP where available and your referee is Rudy Charles. Daniels' bad shoulder is still taped up. Daniels and Andy Douglas start us off. Side headlock from Douglas, off the ropes, shoulderblock puts Daniels down. Leapfrog, that was NOT a monkey flip. Let's reverse that but with Chris Daniels cartwheeling. Daniels with armdrags for everyone and his shoulder is clearly not 100%. Primetime gets the tag. Tag to Chase Stevens. Primetime with a suplex, two count. Into the XXX corner, stomps from Primetime, tag, stomps to Daniels, tag. Skipper turns his back and gets caught with a clothesline when he turns around. Two count. Backstage, JUDGE LARRY ZBYSZKO watches TV. Let's take a break! Tape machines are rolling! (2'51")
Commercials
We're back and Douglas has Primetime in a chinlock. According to the crawl on the show I'm watching, I'm watching this show. Daniels and Stevens get the tags. Daniels has clotheslines for both Naturals and he just does look good yet. Rock bottom on Stevens, BEST MOONSAULT EVER! hits - 1, 2, Douglas breaks. Primetime and Douglas go to the floor. Angel's Wings on Stevens - 1, 2, Douglas breaks again. Tenay didn't even call the move - oh there he got it. Jawbreaker from Stevens, tag to Douglas. Daniels makes the blind tag, and Primetime comes in with a stupid ass somersault in and clothesline. This guy's SO ATHLETIC! XXX go for a Double Team Maneuver, but Douglas breaks it up. Or Stevens. I dunno. Primetime dumped to the floor after he breaks up the Natural Disaster. Daniels with a roll-up, 2, broken up. This match is absolutely dead. Another two count and man, this is maybe the deadest crowd in the six episodes of this TV show. Stevens crotched up top and Daniels gives him two palm thrusts. Skipper takes Douglas out on the floor. Superplex by Daniels, Primetime hits the guillotine legdrop, cover, 2, Douglas pulls the referee out. 30 seconds left. 10 seconds and we've been brawling. Yeah, we're going to a draw. Rudy Charles gave up on trying to get anyone out of the ring, apparently. Time limit is up. (10'00" draw - 7'26" aired) Zbyszko has a decision to make! Well, at least they've decided to use it and make it seem useful. Zbyszko's decision: Triple X win the match. Well, obviously. The Naturals attack! Here comes AMERICA'S MOST WANTED to dump the Naturals out and then stare at XXX.
NEXT! Kazarian & Shane in tag team action
Commercials
KAZARIAN & MICHAEL SHANE (with Traci) v. SHARK BOY & D-RAY 3000: Your referee is Mike Posey (I think). Short brawl to start and D-Ray is sent to the floor immediately. Double-team effort on Shark Boy with elbows and fistdrops. Shane and Shark Boy start proper. Choke by Shane, break at four. Shark Boy backdropped to the apron, rights, up top, missile dropkick! Cover, 2. Shark Boy slides down a suplex attempt, but Traci distracts the referee and they cheat. Tag to Kazarian. Boot and a swinging neckbreaker. Slingshot demon stomp misses, D-Ray gets the tag. D-Ray with many clotheslines. Sort of a swinging reverse DDT, then a battering ram. "Unique battering ram, they call that the afro-ram." So it's unique because he's black? Shark Boy dives to the floor to take out Shane, but Shane pulls Traci in the way and she writhes in pain. Shark Boy into the guard rail. D-Ray is up top, but Shane crotches him, allowing Kazarian to hit the Flux Capacitor (top rope exploder of sorts) for the win. (3'19")
NEXT! The Baby Bear Alex Shelley (ugh), Abyss and Goldylocks
Commercials
JERELLE CLARK & MIKEY BATTS (already in ring) v. ALEX SHELLEY & ABYSS (with Goldylocks): Them calling him The Baby Bear a 100 times in this match kills me. Goldylocks has an obscenely fake diamond ring on, let's focus on it. Shelley starts off with Clark. Shelley trips the foot on a hammerlock from Clark, but runs into a leg lariat. Ace Crusher -> backflip DDT like Ultimo Dragon used in WWE and I don't like that move more now than I did then. Tag to Abyss and he throws Clark around. Tag back to Shelley, who hits a running double high knee in the corner, but misses a second attempt. Tag to Mikey Batts. Batts with a reverse flying ass -> jawbreaker that doesn't quite go perfectly. Shelley manages to get the tag to Abyss, and man, he's big. Clark gets pancaked, Batts is press slam/chokeslammed, Clark eats an avalanche, so does Batts. Torture rack backbreaker on Clark, and Shelley whips Batts into the black hole slam. 1, 2, 3. (3'02") Shelley/Abyss has actual potential as a tag team and even Goldylocks is kind of useful here. Abyss eyes Shelley and Goldylocks. He's jealoooooous.
NEXT! The Elite Guard
Commercials
THE ELITE GUARD (Hotstuff Hernandez, Onyx & Chad Collyer) v. 3 LIVE KRU (Ron Killings, Konnan & B.G. James): Your referee is Rudy Charles. Konnan grabs the mic: "Ah yi yi - where my dogs at, where they at? Yo yo yo let me speak on this - odelay! (odelay!) Arriba la raza! (arriba la raza!) And ya don't stop." And that's that. Killings and Hernandez start it off. Wristlock from Hernandez, Killings turns it around and hammerlocks him. Side headlock, switch back to the hammerlock, and Hernandez counters into a headlock. Off the ropes, Hernandez with a shoulderblock. Off again, Killings catches him with a dropkick. Out of the corner and Killings hits a sloppy spinning reverse DDT or whatever he was going for. Tag to James, and they get the elevated spin kick in on Hernandez. Here's some jabs! Onyx and Collyer take the big rights at the end, but Hernandez catches him with a clothesline. Tag to Onyx. What the hell has Jarrett been feeding the Elite Guard, three squares of steroids a day? Elite Guard with some triple-team offense, Onyx gets two after they waste time to pose in their Elite Guard Stance. Collyer in, and James and Collyer are both down on a double clothesline. Konnan v. Collyer is the best possible matchup here. Here comes Konnan, but here comes Hernandez. Rolling thunder clothesline on Hotstuff, Collyer eats hiptoss, Onyx sent to the floor. Facejam on Hernandez, inverted DDT on Collyer. Tequila Sunrise on Collyer! Here comes Jarrett - EL KABONG. Hernandez covers - 1, 2, 3. (3'52")
Jarrett goes back in with the mic and he's hitting people. Zbyszko and DUSTY RHODES hit the ring, and old men make people run away.
NEXT! Jeff Hammond examines the six-sided ring
Commercials
Zbyszko and Rhodes are still in the ring. Zbyszko talks and talks and talks. 30 gloooorious years, human chess, Larryland, you've heard it all before.
Here's JEFF HAMMOND in a pre-recorded segment, examining the ring. Hammond manages to stumble through this. I enjoy it okay enough anyway. I like treating it like a sport.
Holy shit, DON WEST, wash your hair. Man, I think Don West is nursing a major hangover. Or maybe he's drunk right now. Your other host is MIKE TENAY.
Commercials
Hammond joins the announce team and I totally like what he does during this match, as he adds to the broadcast like Tenay used to do in WCW when he was new, treating it like a sport. Jeff Hammond is great by me.
NON-TITLE MATCH - PETEY WILLIAMS (with Scott D'Amore) v. CHRIS SABIN v. AJ STYLES (X Division Champion): Styles forearms Petey, and Sabin takes Styles over with a side headlock. Lots of spots to start. I mean it's well done but these guys can all do better than that. Sabin clotheslines Styles out, and Petey hits a rana (I think) on Sabin. Legsweep on Petey by Styles, now we're at Styles and Sabin again. Sabin with a kick for Williams, up for a suplex from the apron, sent to Styles on the top for the Styles Clash? Kick puts Sabin down, Williams reverses a Styles Clash to 'rana Styles onto Sabin. Sabin with a wheelbarrow suplex on Petey. PETEY V. SABIN FOR THE IWA MS HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE - JULY 31 - HIGHLAND, IN. Styles with a nasty neck/backbreaker on Sabin. Styles and Williams pairing off, Styles goes for the springboard moonsault inverted DDT, but Sabin comes in. No worry, just regular DDT him at the same time. Cover on Petey, 2. Sabin with a tornado DDT on Styles + enzuigiri on Petey. All three men are down. Hey where the hell did the Fox Box go. Sabin with the silly faceplant, but Styles springboard 450s to break the pin. He could've just, you know, gone and kicked them. Cover on Petey, 2. Cover on Sabin, 2. Kazarian and Shane are out! So Styles will flip onto them. Sabin has Petey up for the Cradle Shock, but D'Amore distracts. Back - CANADIAN DESTROYER! 1, 2, 3! Petey Williams! (5'47")
That was kind of okay!