Tape Review
IWA Mid-South
Volcano Girls
05/30/04 - Hammond, IN
by Scott Christ

This is a show that if I'd had the money I would've gone to. The follow-up to the Hero/Joe singles match the night before, and Hero has promised to make Joe tap out tonight or go back to Europe.

It's also the culmination of all of the hard work that IWA Mid-South did in building up a credible women's division, with a one-night, 11-woman tournament to decide the first IWAMS/NWA Midwest women's champion.

Dave Prazak lays it all down for us. Angel Williams and ODB cancelled early, and then Ariel pulled out just before the show. Therefore, Rain and Mercedes Martinez will receive byes. Becky Bayless makes her way to the ring and that is such a big phat ass. My god. Becky wants to be in the tournament. Prazak isn't hearing it. She's not ready! Becky was trained by Homicide, Dave! You shut up! And here's Homicide, Dave! Homicide "isn't telling (him) - he's asking (him)!" Becky's in, Dave is now very sure she's ready.

All the ladiez come out to stand in the ring together, because who doesn't love that? Daizee Haze! Sumie Sakai! Mickie Knuckles! MsChif! Lexie Fyfe! Allison Danger! Lacey! Rain! Tracy Brooks! Mercedes Martinez! Let's hear it for the girls! Let's give the girls a hand! Strike a pose, ladies, you're in a tournament and thus have to have photos taken together.

FIRST ROUND
SUMIE SAKAI v. DAIZEE HAZE

Dave is joined by Eddie Kingston on commentary. Kingston is so New York. He thinks da powa hasta gota Sakai. Sumie bails and sits in the crowd, which would be a heel move usually, and then she lures her in in the ring and puts her down. There's the 1, 2, 3, 4, OHH! hair pull. Sumie BITES THE FOOT and tickles her legs and this match is fucking weird. Bow-and-arrow from Sakai. Choke over the ropes and Sumie's heel act is only kind of working. "What's Sumie doin now, I don't agree wit dat cova. Ya gotta hook da leg!" Sumie with a Boston crab and she's totally dominating this match. It's a pretty bad Boston crab. Sumie locks the legs up and gets arrogant, into the STF. Shitty drop toe-hold from Daizee, legdrop, 2. Sakai with a series of mongolian chops, off the ropes and the Daizee Cutter doesn't happen for a multitude of reasons. Sumie falls too fast, Daizee goes anyway, and she only gets two. Eddie is picking MsChif. Northern lights of sorts from Sakai, another near-fall and Sumie is growing increasingly frustrated. Sumie up top - MISSILE DROPKICK! Sakai wastes time to put on her COME ON BABY t-shirt. Up top for the moonsault, Daizee rolls away. This match is not going swimmingly. Horrendous swinging DDT from Sumie and referee Bruce Grey goes down on contact. Sumie has the cover, but Bruce isn't there. Daizee rolls her up - 1, 2, kickout. Daizee tries a victory roll or something, that isn't happening. Jeez. Sumie tries a power bomb, Daizee rolls her up, 1, 2, 3. A little under nine minutes. Awful, awful match. They blew three or four sequences and the whole thing looked bad. An inauspicious start.

FIRST ROUND
MERCEDES MARTINEZ v. BECKY BAYLESS (w/Jimmy Jacobs)

Becky uses Jimmy's music because she doesn't have her own. Jimmy Jacobs in a suit with his hair tied back and they've totally just reversed roles with each other. Handshake, lock-up, Merceds shoves her down. Jimmy gets on the apron to give Becky advice: "Huss!" Taken down again, Jimmy gives her further advice: "Huss." Becky breaks a wristlock: "HUSS!" Feeling-out process and I can't tell how good Martinez is because Becky is so inexperienced. She does take numerous hiptosses on her big ol' ass. Jimmy takes off his jacket and gets in the ring in Becky's place, running straight into a Japanese armdrag and a couple other moves. That's nice of him. Reverse pedigree from Bayless, Mercedes gets the ropes. Fisherman buster! That's the fall at a little over four minutes. That made it seem realistic. Jimmy and Mercedes trade husses and he bows. Becky gives the thumbs up to Martinez and this worked out.

FIRST ROUND
LEXIE FYFE v. MICKIE KNUCKLES

This was originally set to be the most experienced (Fyfe) v. the least experienced (Mickie) in the tournament, but then Bayless entered and ruined the dynamic. Lexie Fyfe I believe was on Nitro a couple times. Fyfe is great being impatient during Mickie's long entrance ("Fighter" by Xtina). Fyfe gets old school climbing the buckles to get booed, and Mickie returns by climbing to cheers. Basic start with wristlocks and hammerlocks and Kingston dubs Hammond "Reversal City, Indiana" right down the street from Parts Unknown. Prazak: "Most of Indiana is parts unknown. That's why the attendance is so low in Oolitic." Something is really uncomfortable about hearing Prazak describe Hero and Ian Rotten teaching Mickie stiffness and how if it comes right down to it, she can last all night long and take a beating. Mickie badly telegraphs a backdrop and Fyfe gets two on a clothesline. Fyfe with two vertical suplexes and Kingston gets another chance to rip on the ladies not hooking the leg. Kick to the spine and Fyfe is predictably controlling the match. Fyfe should consider a ton that covers her stomach, she's no spring chicken anymore. Mickie can sell so at least this has that going for it. Mickie hits the shining wizard out of nowhere for the win in under eight minutes. This was mediocre at best but it's cool that the homegrown youngster got the fluky duke over the grizzled veteran of the squared circle, so hey. Fyfe actually manages to sell after the match.

FIRST ROUND
LACEY v. TRACY BROOKS (w/CM Punk)

Oh man, Tracy uses "99 Problems" for music. Eddie Kingston is greatly appreciative. Tracy offers her hand and Lacey knees her in the stomach. Lacey heels it up calling for the referee to check the hair pull and then pulling herself. Tracy works the arm, then sends her face-first into every top turnbuckle. First chop of the night from Brooks. Sunset flip from the second turnbuckle is the first spot that looks bad. I'm being so picky about this! I think I only get picky with bad stuff. Lacey gives Tracy a receipt for the arm work, just as Tracy has already given one for a monkey flip. Single-arm DDT from Lacey gets a near-fall after she holds the rope to stop a whip from Tracy, which is creative arm punishment. Nice thong, Tracy. Hey sorry, I'm trying but what am I supposed to do, ignore it? Clothesline with the bad arm from Tracy and a spear for two. Brooks with a sloppy faceslam from the turnbuckle for two. Pie in the Sky is rolled through by Lacey and she has a standing crab. Tracy gets the ropes. DDT! That's the finish in about eight-and-a-half. Best match of the night so far with some focused offense at least.

FIRST ROUND
ALLISON DANGER v. MSCHIF

Allison goes to the apron early to avoid MsChif, and trips trying to get back in, which may have been on purpose. I hope so anyway. Trade of slaps to the chest and a takeover from MsChif. Spinning back fist! Danger comes back with neckbreaker across the knee. Lame "MsChif's Gonna Kill You" chant and Kingston agrees. "This chant's gettin' a little old. You can't do this for everybody." MsChif with a sleeper and back mount, rolled back into a bridge for a two-count where Allison most certainly did not kick out. One thing that bothers me about these shows is that every single time someone is in a hold for more than half a second, everyone feels the need to clap. Danger with the curb kick (MsChif laying face-down over the bottom rope, Danger runs in and kicks her in the back of the head - it doesn't look great) and it gets a near-fall. This match isn't necessarily bad but it's just going nowhere. MsChif comes back with three double stomps into the spine in the corner - cover, 2. Danger with the STO for another near-fall. MsChif "spews the red mist" but unfortunately none of it comes out. Let's sell it anyway! This is stupid. Desecrator DDT for the win at about nine-and-a-half. Jesus, STOP IT. There's nothing on your face! Absolutely nothing! What is it the fucking invisible mist. Oh this is killing me.

SEMIFINALS
RAIN v. DAIZEE HAZE

Rain walks funny. Haze is selling her back from earlier. First blown spot is about a minute-and-a-half in when Rain can't catch her in the running crossbody. Second comes thirty seconds later when Daizee can't complete a crucifix. STF from Rain and I just realized Danny Daniels is on color now. Rain works the back with a double-knee in the corner. Rain with a Ki Krusher for two, and another two-count. Raindrop doesn't happen, Daizee gets the Daizee Cutter -> Yakuza kick. "Big mafia kick, like the Barbarian!" Daniels is great. Daizee's back apparently no longer hurts and I ponder if she is a TWA product. Running forearm shot, running clothesline, Daizee Cutter again. 1, 2, NO. Daizee gets a victory roll for two. Lariat from Haze and the thing about these matches, and I swear to god I'm not being a dick just to be one, and I don't really mean any offense, and I don't think I could do any better, but these matches are sort of like parodying the popular U.S. indy strong style junior hybrid mess rather than being a female example of them. Butterfly piledriver that may have supposed to have been a butterfly bomb ends it at just under seven minutes, and Daizee advances to the finals.

SEMIFINALS
MERCEDES MARTINEZ v. MICKIE KNUCKLES

I like Daniels a lot as the disrespectful color commentator for these matches, partly because I think it's genuine. Martinez goes after the back that Lexie Fyfe weakened earlier and her chain wrestling looks really good, which is also to say Mickie's looks good. The first minute-and-a-half of this match are the best wrestling this tournament has seen so far. Daniels praises Mickie's chain wrestling and grasp of the basics. Prazak: "And she can do weird chain-wrestling into the cravate, like Hero." "And she has B.O. like Hero." Daniels is the king of color commentary and Allison Danger is the queen. Sit-out power bomb from Martinez gets two. Kicks to the back and chest and a Hennig neck snap for another two-count. Knuckles ignores her back to use the Muta lock. Spinebuster from Martinez and we're at even ground again with both of them reeling. Forearm exchange won by Mickie and there's a lariat of sorts for two. Basement dropkick to the face from Martinez and a nice lariat for two. What, nice northern lights from Mickie. I'll ignore that despicable ram into the turnbuckle because other than that this is perfectly good. German suplex with a bridge - two. Saito suplex and the fisherman buster - 1, 2, 3, Mercedes advances to the finals. About nine minutes and the new best match of the show. Ian Rotten comes out to hug Mickie and he's going to talk about how great she is.

SEMIFINALS
LACEY v. MSCHIF

MsChif with a lariat pretty quickly and some shots to the back of the head. Misanthropic Wrath, which is an obscenely dumb name for a move, but it involves choking the other lady with her own arms, and really I don't feel like going further into it. It doesn't work, anyway. Fighting on the floor and Lacey is in control. Lacey with some shitty kicks to the back and a two-count. In Vitro Fertilization (these are really stupid names) but Lacey counters into a standing crab. Lacey gets a cobra clutch and drops her over the knee for two. This is just dull. They pick it up some and then MsChif wanders around the ring a bunch to kill the momentum they'd built. Finish comes right after when Lacey counters the Desecrator DDT with a legsweep and uses her feet on the ropes for the pin in about 10. Bleh.

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
BRAD BRADLEY & RYAN BOZ (w/Carmine DeSpirito) v. SOUTHERN COMFORT (champions)

Hamrick throws a sweet dropkick and gets the pendulum on Boz. Hamrick with the dragon screw and rolling over into a seated pendulum. Tag to Smothers and he's feeling it. Well the first five minutes are great with Smothers being Smothers, Boz falling in Pepsi and getting pissed off, and Hamrick hitting a moonsault from the top to the floor. You can sense the respect Boz and Bradley have for these guys, working lighter than usual. Boz delays a vertical and Hamrick DDTs him. Smothers makes the tag and he's all up ons. Smothers takes a spill to the floor when Carmine pulls the top rope down and it occurs to me Smothers is as big as Ryan Boz. Smothers becomes the new face-in-peril and this is a good match, just like the three matches Southern Comfort worked the night before. It's by a formula but they're smart enough to know that if it ain't broke, don't fix the son of a bitch. Smothers gets a brief flurry of forearms on Boz but Boz cuts him off with a powerslam. Boz goes after Hamrick to distract the referee. This is sooo power v. smarts and youth v. experience and all that crap. Hot tag finally comes and Hamrick is not built to take a hot tag. Dixie Drop (vertical suplex lift -> stunner) from Hamrick on Boz - 1, 2, kickout. Bradley posts Hamrick ribs-first, which he'd hurt the night before and came out selling, and they hit the washing machine maneuver for the pin on Hamrick and the title in 16 minutes. This is a fine match, not as good as Southern Comfort/Saints or Southern Comfort/Homicide & B-Boy, but Bradley & Boz aren't as good as those teams so what can you do. They worked their stuff in here and it went well.

THREE-WAY ELIMINATION FINALS
LACEY v. MERCEDES MARTINEZ v. DAIZEE HAZE

The crowd looks just absolutely worn out on seeing women's matches. Three-way spots to start with Lacey being reluctant. Daizee gets the Daizee Cutter on Martinez but doesn't go for the pin. TKO from Lacey on Daizee, two count. Fantastic corner spot with a superplex from Lacey on Daizee as Martinez power bombs Lacey, and no one dies and it looks good, so hooray. Big faceslam on Daizee from Martinez and she's eliminated in about four minutes. DDT from Martinez and she is by far the best worker in the tournament, so much more smooth than the rest of them. Back suplex from Lacey. Martinez comes back with a fallaway slam and a brainbuster for two. God, I can't take much more of this. The lesson learned watching this show is that one women's match on a show is a nice addition, and I am in favor of the division, but eight of them is just too much women's wrestling for me. Lacey gets the implant DDT and it's over at about 12 minutes. Martinez gets the please come back chant and Rain is out to celebrate with Lacey. Ian's out to talk and hopes Martinez comes back. Mickie Knuckles is out, and the rest of the ladies join too. This is a nice moment.

ELIMINATION MATCH
SAMOA JOE, CM PUNK & BJ WHITMER v. HOMICIDE, B-BOY & CHRIS HERO

They surprise me by going for the pier-six brawl right away, Joe and Hero and B-Boy and Whitmer pairing off outside with Punk and Homicide inside starting proper. Punk to the floor and here comes Homicide with the somersault tope suicida. Whitmer tags in and goes to the rolling surfboard. B-Boy breaks it up with a kneedrop. Homicide makes it up and B-Boy tags in. Nasty necksnap from B-Boy and a lariat gets two. Trade of forearms and this is just like their singles match that Eddie Kingston calls a "classic" where Whitmer's forearms just look so pussy in comparison. Punk and Joe beat on B-Boy. Palm strike/bitchslap puts B-Boy down as he tries to trade with Joe. B-Boy with a blockbuster and he needs the tag. Tag to Homicide, who walks into the slaps and a power bomb for two. B-Boy in and they run him over with two shoulderblocks. Tag back to B-Boy and it's a neat dynamic as they reach for each other instinctively and ignore Hero. B-Boy is STO'd and Homicide is taken out with an overhead belly-to-belly as Taz can't be beaten by even two men. Punk gets the tag and gets the boot scrapes and running kick. Homicide comes back with one of his own and Hero is tagged in for the first time. These fools in Hammond attempt to recreate the magic of the previous night's Hero/Joe match and just sound kinda doofy in the process. Tracy Smothers joins the commentary and goddamn. Joe tags in and the "Joe will tap" chant is legit at least. Joe gets the ref distracted and Punk and Whitmer are in to cheat. Smothers puts everyone over. Punk, Whitmer and Joe break out some KDX posing with Punk as Dick Togo, which really should've been Samoa Joe as Dick Togo, but then I guess it's not very realistic for Samoa Joe to stand on someone's back and flex. Punk cravates Hero and this is great. Punk with a spinebuster for two. I think Smothers has said "hook the leg, for God's sake" about six times.

Hero continues as the face-in-peril until a hard forearm puts Joe down and B-Boy and Whitmer get the tags. B-Boy takes it to him but Punk cuts his momentum off. That doesn't last and B-Boy continues killing Whitmer. Exploder from Whitmer on B-Boy - 1, 2, 3 at a little under 18 in. BOOOOO. Lariat from Homicide on Whitmer is a convincing near-fall. Cop Killa! 1, 2, 3, Whitmer's gone at a little OVER 18 in. Hero and Homicide v. Punk and Joe. Homicide blocks the Pepsi Plunge with a super samoan drop. Diamond Cutter from Homicide, they collide with lariats and we'll slow it down a little. Punk avoids the Cop Killa, Homicide avoids the brainbuster, NY roll is blocked, shining wizard from Punk! Brainbuster! 1, 2, 3 and Homicide is gone at just under 20. Hero is down 2-on-1. Chop trade with Hero and Punk. Boot trade. Punk gets a sleeper. Cravate neckbreaker from the top rope but Joe breaks the pin. "And he hooked the leg, for god's sake." Whitmer interferes to accidentally kick Punk in the back of the head, and Hero gets the Hero's Welcome for the pin on Punk at just under 23 minutes.

We're down to Hero and Joe, of course. These two throw the bombs at each other again. Cravate suplex! Joe covers up to block the hangman's clutch, but Hero gets it. Joe gets the ropes immediately. Three back chops and the series of bitchslaps, then Hero misses a forearm. Joe tries for the chokeout, but Hero suplexes him. Joe no-sells and charges, but runs into a dragon screw. Hangman's clutch! JOE TAPS OUT! JOE TAPS OUT! Just over 25 and a real good match. Not the MOTY candidate some said but great nonetheless.

This show is alright, the women's tournament had to happen to crown a champion, so hey, it happened and it was okay. I guess. Of course, it can only get better the more chances they get, so that's nice to look forward to. The main event is very, very good, borderline must-see and at least a comp-worthy sort of a match.

BACK