WWE Raw - 04.26.04
by Scott Christ
CC - TV-14-DLV - SmackDown!/Confidential/Bottom Line/Velocity/Heat/Afterburn/Tough Enough - RAW - Bischoff/Johnny Nitro (that's new)
Benoit/Michaels w/HHH video package - that's next week, you know. This also features Benoit and Edge winning the tag belts and speculation that Evolution is done.
Union Underground for Raw! Pyroworks! Many signs! We are live in Topeka, KS at the Kansas Expo Centre! TONIGHT - Benoit & Edge v. Batista & Flair!
LITA (Sanford, NC - happy so I guess she's winning) & VICTORIA (Women's Champion, Los Angeles, CA) v. THE TEAM OF MOLLY HOLLY & GAIL KIM (unannounced): 8 Days Ago at Backlash, Molly and Gail certainly did a number on Lita and Victoria. Some stupid fat kid refuses to let Victoria kiss him. Listen, fat kid, there are a lot of us with pubic hair that would have traded places with you, and you shamed us all. Victoria and Gail start off and almost immediately Victoria hits the seizure standing moonsault, which mostly misses. Cover, 2. Gail puts Victoria down and tags Molly in. Oh that hilarious wig. Remember when Gail won the women's title on her first Raw appearance? That sucked. Neck vice from Molly as we discuss the hilarious wig. Victoria telegraphs a backdrop and gets whipped back. Tag to Gail, right to the gut. "Gail Kim - from KoREA." They don't figure out which one. Lawler gets a joke in about how people from Topeka are "Topekanese." He didn't sit on that one for long. Gail knocks Lita off the apron, which allows the heels to double-team stomp Victoria. Gail with a spinning headscissors - no, that's a headscissors and wristlock/armbar. To the mat and that's a nice move for Gail. I like Gail. She's pretty. I also like that shot of Victoria's behind but let's not get too into that. Lita breaks the hold with a lame kick, but Victoria can't make the tag. Oh, nevermind, she CAN. Here comes Lita! Monkey flip on Gail! Lita knocks Molly off the apron! Molly comes back and allows herself to be headscissored. Russian legsweep on Molly, back suplex ("modified slam") on Gail. Victoria de-wigs Molly and she freaks out. Lita and Gail in the ring as the others fight outside. DDT on Gail - 1, 2, 3. See? She won. (04'19") Molly attacks Lita with a backbreaker, then there's an explosion, and out walks KANE. Molly runs away and Kane goes after Lita. "This is shades of last Monday night!" Look, not everything should be "shades of" something else. Particularly a week apart. I woke up today - shades of yesterday! Kane strokes Lita's hair in the corner, then sniffs her? Okay, this is stupid. Kane tries to eat her face but she ducks out and runs away. Replay of the DDT and pin.
Backstage, Lita runs and runs and runs right into MATT HARDY V.TOO MUCH BRONZER. Matt has a match with Kane last week, he'll pay for what he did to Lita. Matt and Lita hug, then Lita ACTS as Kane comes from behind. Kane shoves him into garbage cans and doors and stuff before the refs and agents break it up. Hey! DEAN MALENKO! FIT FINLAY gets more face time, though.
Commercials: 10 Things Every Guy Should Experience, D-12's new album, Van Helsing, Burger King, 1-800-CALL-ATT, Sofa Mart (local), Rose Extermination Co. (local), Ride With Funkmaster Flex
We're back and THE COACH is in the ring. "Behold, behold a true rarity! A Kansas native who is actually a winner! Feast your eyes on the man, The Coach! Y'see, unlike the Kansas Jayhawks on the basketball court, and the Kansas State Wildcats on the football field, the Coach, the Coach does not choke! And unless all of you people start treating me like the returning hero that I am, I will have no problem meeting any one of you in the parking lot tonight, because y'see, the last time I -" and he's cut off by TAJIRI. "Coach - you are not a winner. You are liar!" He clearly said the L. "So, I want a rematch tonight!" "Oh, really? I'm a - riar?" No faggot he said the L. "I don't want a rematch tonight. But I'll tell you somethin' that I do want. So listen carefully. I want - two egg rolls. Some beef lomain. A little chicken teriyaki on the side. And - if you hurry - I'll even let ya keep the change. Didja get all that?" Kick! Kick! Coach rolls out of the ring and hightails it out of here. GARRISON CADE helps him. Then TRIPLE H comes out. This is a weird segment. HHH claps for Tajiri and laughs at Coach. They laugh together. Tajiri laughing is always a hoot. HHH, uh, grabs his nads and throws him to the floor. "Sorry, Tajiri. Nothin' personal, just wrong place, wrong time. Can somebody explain to me how in the hell Shawn Michaels gets a world heavyweight championship match next week? Huh? I'd like that explained to me, because the way I remember it, and, and maybe I'm insane, but the way I remember it, Shawn Michaels is the one that tapped out at Backlash. And if I also remember it right, it was me that saved Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania, it was me that saved Shawn Michaels from tapping out earlier at Backlash, I've saved Shawn Michaels too many times to count. If Chris Benoit is going to defend the world heavyweight championship, he should defend it against the Game, not Shawn Michaels - that match is mine, like it or not." Tajiri has made it up to the apron. "And, y'see, y'see this is a problem. Just like Shawn Michaels, Tajiri here - just doesn't know when to stay down. Doesn't know when he's beaten. See, just like Shawn Michaels, Tajiri doesn't know when to quit." HHH grabs Tajiri to pull him back in - GREEN MIST!!! HHH flops around.
Commercials: Hitman: Contracts, Godsend, Subway, Onimusha 3: Demon Siege, Fozzy for YJ Stinger, Envy, The WWE Experience
Moments Ago, HHH got misted by Tajiri
Backstage, HHH, with the aid of a trainer, enters Bischoff's office. He yells at Bischoff's floor plant because he's blind. "Bischoff! Ya stupid son of a bitch! First! Shawn Michaels! First you give Shawn Michaels a title match, that's mine! Now Tajiri blows mist in my face!" "Hunter! I'm over here, Hunter. Here." "I can't see a damn thing, Eric. You know, you gave Shawn Michaels, now Tajiri blows this crap in my face, burning my eyes - I want Tajiri." Bischoff gives him the match as HHH makes hilarious faces. Bischoff leaves and HHH yells at him some more. "Did he leave?" That was really good comedy, actually.
Your hosts are JIM ROSS and JERRY THE KING LAWLER. They are joined by EUGENE and WILLIAM REGAL. Eugene talks about Pat Patterson.
ROB CONWAY (unannounced, with SYLVAN GRENIER) v. RHYNO (275, Detroit, MI): "What is it you like about that flag, Eugene?" "It's blue." USA chant, side headlock by Conway. Rhyno goes for a clothesline off the ropes, Conway ducks between his legs. Hard right from Rhyno and a backdrop. Eugene leaves the booth and Regal takes over his headset. Rhyno got a two count off something. Conway tosses Rhyno over the top. "Look, he just did a cartwheel - did you see that?" This is really absurd. Regal says he's taken a liking to the lad. Conway got two off of something. This match very obviously does not matter so let's just skip to the end. Conway dominates until Eugene sets off the stage pyro, which distracts him, and then Rhyno hits the gore - 1, 2, 3. (04'08") I can do without this new referee jumping off the mat on every count. That is really distracting.
Commercials: Ride With Funkmaster Flex (2), MX Unleashed, truth, 1-800-CALL-ATT (2), Peter Pan on video, Stridex, Taco Bell
WWE Live! Friday night in Amarillo! Saturday night in Lubbock! Sunday night in Yuma! Next Monday, Phoenix hosts Raw! One week from Friday in New Orleans!
TONIGHT! Kane v. Matt Hardy - I didn't know Matt even HAD a moving graphic
TONIGHT! Benoit & Edge v. Batista & Flair
Backstage, La Resistance confront JOHNNY NITRO about wanting a Conway/Eugene match tonight. Regal isn't having it, but he has two weeks to get Eugene ready. Because in two weeks, Eugene v. Conway. Eugene is happy.
TODD GRISHAM is with CHRIS BENOIT and EDGE, and they're quickly interrupted by SHAWN MICHAELS. Then he quickly leaves. Edge tries to talk but Benoit cuts him off. Tonight, they'll drive the final nail into Evolution's coffin.
CHRISTIAN (224, Toronto, ON, with TRISH STRATUS and TYSON TOMKO) v. commercial break
Commercials: Envy (2), Burger King (2), XBox, Van Helsing (2), Breakin' All the Rules, Guy's Marine (local), Attorney Jim Boardman (local)
YJ Stinger Tomko kicks Jericho of the week
CHRISTIAN (224, Toronto, ON, with TRISH STRATUS and TYSON TOMKO) v. nevermind, he's going to talk. "What I'd like to do right now - what I'd like to do is go through a list of my unbelievable accomplishments. First, I beat Y2J, Chris Jericho at WrestleMania XX! Man, that was a good one, wasn't it? And then I embarrass him, and I take Trish - his pure, sweet little angel away from him. And after all that Y2J was still a problem, so what do I do? What do I do? I go out and get us the ultimate problem solver, Tyson Tomko! And now the only problem left is that the world heavyweight championship isn't around my waist! That's it, that's all, baby goes to sleep. So with the peep patrol and the problem solver behind me, there's NOTHIN' - and I mean -" and he's cut off.
CHRISTIAN (224, Toronto, ON, with TRISH STRATUS and TYSON TOMKO) v. GRANDMASTER SEXAY (unannounced): Good thing they cut him off, Christian was about to give himself direction. Something about the Christian/Trish/Tomko group works visually. Christian jumps on GMS right away. Lawler talks about Christian & Trish winning couple of the year over Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey, Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston and Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore. JR calls Trish a vixen, harlot and jezebel right in a row. Sexay gets a near fall and he's controlling. Christian runs into a side kick, Sexay hits a flying dropkick for two. Lawler wonders if Trish and Christian made a video like the Paris Hilton one. Don't worry, everyone, he's got MORE current pop culture references. He's just saving them up for next week. Sexay holds up his goggles but either no one cares or no one remembers his schtick. Grandmaster up top, goggles on, Christian crotches him. Unprettier! 1, 2, 3. (02'36") Tomko kicks Sexay in the face, then the Y2J video starts and the music plays. Tomko goes up the ramp to meet him, but CHRIS JERICHO comes from out of the crowd to attack Christian from behind and try to put Trish in the Walls of Jericho. Tomko pulls her out and goes after Jericho, but Christian holds him back. Well this is still really over.
Up Next - Triple H v. Tajiri
Commercials: Motor Mayhem Month on SpikeTV, Starburst Sour, Onimusha 3: Demon Siege (2), Monster w/Wesley the Meth Addict, 1-800-CALL-ATT (3), Godsend (2), MX Unleashed (2), Taco Bell (2), Stridex (2), Nintendo Gamecube
TRIPLE H (265, Greenwich, CT) v. TAJIRI (206, Japan): HHH still has the mist stains on his face. HHH tries to attack quickly, but Tajiri counters with rights. HHH comes back with his own flurry. Hard right puts Tajiri down. Blatant Choke is effective and he breaks at three. "You tapped out" chant. HHH is a lot bigger than Tajiri. Lawler uses "Topekanese" again. HHH runs into a "scintillating" superkick in the corner, and staggers until he falls. Tajiri covers, 2. Handspring elbow hits, cover, 2. Triple H heads to the floor and Tajiri follows. HHH with a knee to the gut and a whip into the steps. Tajiri jumps onto the steps and smacks HHH in the face, then bounces his head off the steps. Tajiri begs for the referee to count faster so he can win by countout. Lawler says "riar" again. Kick is blocked, pedigree is blocked in return, kick, kick, kick, off the ropes, spinebuster! HHH with stomps in the corner and a hard whip to the other side. Delay and then to the other side. HHH yells at Tajiri and the crowd has been lost. Kick, kick, kick, knee counter from HHH. Off the ropes, spinning heel kick! Cover, 2, kickout. HHH with an abdominal stretch. "This is the way you nullify all those Jackie Chan-like kicks." Shut up Lawler. "Riar" again. Tajiri counters with an abdominal to counter, hiptoss from HHH gets out of it. More stomps in the corner. Boot choke. HHH talks to the referee as Tajiri heads up top - missile dropkick hits! Mike Chioda goes down too. Tajiri summons the mist - it misses! Clothesline, HHH mounts and hammers away, pulled up - pedigree! 1, 2, 3. (08'23") Tajiri got in more offense here than he used to against Kidman. Decent match but no HHH/TAKA.
Hype package for Benoit/Michaels NEXT WEEK!
Commercials: Ride With Funkmaster Flex (3), Peter Pan on video (2), 1-800-CALL-ATT (4), MX Unleashed (3), Godsend (3), Servpro (local), Comcast digital info (local)
Earlier Tonight, Kane attempts to eat Lita's face and Matt Hardy gets beaten up for it.
I haven't been enjoying this and then Kane comes out and JR says, "Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, it does."
KANE (320, parts unknown) v. MATT HARDY VERSION 1.0 (229, Cameron, NC): Matt Fact: Matt always meets his deadlines. Matt takes a while to stumble out, but he does make it. Kane goes right after Hardy with rights and kicks. Choke over the top rope. Boot choke. Whip into the corner and a Blatant Choke. Right, right, right, right. Replay of the whip - "What kind of unorthodox move is that?" Hardy comes back with rights and left paintbrushes, uppercut by Kane stops the momentum. Chokeslam! Kane doesn't cover. Chokeslam #2! Kane doesn't cover. Tombstone? Nah, here comes Lita. Wait - here comes Lita? Lita gets Kane to drop Matt, then he forces her into the corner, sniffs her again, and ... gently kisses her. What a nice man. He just wants to be loved. Kane leaves. (NC? 03'30") JR calls Kane a "compost pile."
Commercials: Burger King (3), truth (2), Van Helsing (3), Onimusha 3: Demon Siege (3), Stridex (3), Nintendo Gamecube (2)
Victoria went to a Democratic Summit
The King is in the ring and plugs the Divas Swimsuit Edition. Here are some photos from the magazine. Here's STACY KEIBLER. HARLEY RACE is in the front row. Yay! He's an eight-time world champion? Okay, why not. Stacy kisses Harley. This summons RANDY ORTON. "Did - did I just hear somebody use the word legend? I gue- I guess that word's being used on just about anybody these days." "Harley" chant. "But make no mistake about it - the only legend in this arena is standing in this ring right now. Now, now, Harley, now, I hate to burst your bubble, old man, but I've accomplished more in my two-year career than you have in your entire life." Orton heads over to where Harley is sitting and gets an asshole chant. "What's wrong, Harley, am I gettin' under your skin? You don't seem to like what I just said about you. I tell you what, I'm gonna do to you, Harley Race, exactly what I did to Mick Foley." Orton gets some loog up, feigns the spit, feigns it, then spits right in his face but avoids a straight left from Race and retreats to the ring. SHELTON BENJAMIN is out! Right, right, clothesline! Oh, what a right! What a right hand! Orton takes off and Benjamin stands tall. Race is angry but has lipstick on his cheek.
TONIGHT! Benoit & Edge v. Batista & Flair
WrestleMania XX DVD spot
Commercials: Ride With Funkmaster Flex (4), Envy (3), MX Unleashed (4), Eddie Guerrero for YJ Stinger, Godsend (4), Burger King (4), Breakin' All the Rules (2), Motor Mayhem Month on SpikeTV (2)
Here is a shot of the beautiful Kansas Expo Centre in beautiful Topeka, KS
Raw is brought to you by 1-800-CALL-ATT, Onimusha 3: Demon Siege and Godsend
Smackdown Rebound features Booker T running away from music, D-Von Dudley pinning Eddie Guerrero and Rico & Charlie Haas winning the tag title.
JR and the King let us know this is episode #570 of Raw, and next week's #571 has Benoit v. Michaels.
Backstage, BATISTA, freshly juiced, screams and yells about how they're going to win the belts back. RIC FLAIR wooos.
Judgment Day spot
Commercials: Burger King (5), XBox (2), Starburst Sour (2), Van Helsing (4), Onimusha 3: Demon Siege (4), Monster w/Wesley the Meth Addict (2), Oak Express (local), Afdent (local)
Godsend Edge & Benoit win the tag titles of the week
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - BATISTA & THE NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR (challengers, combined 552) v. EDGE (1/2 champions, 250, Toronto, ON) & CHRIS BENOIT (1/2 champions, World Heavyweight Champion, 229, originally from Edmonton, AB, now residing in Atlanta, GA): Next Monday, Raw is live from Phoenix. Call for tickets. Flair and Benoit start as Lawler says he thinks this will be the shortest reign in history. That's not even near right but I guess I get his point. Chop by Benoit, chop by Benoit, chop by Benoit, forearm, corner whip, backdrop. Tag to Batista, he gets sent into the face corner, and Edge tags in. Corner whip is reversed and Batista hits a lariat. "When you see those veins snaking through, you know what that means, JR?" Give the funny answer, JR. Aw. Corner whip, clothesline in the corner, Batista chokes on the cover and there's no count. Batista forces Edge into the heel corner, Flair tags in and stomps away. Drop toe-hold from Edge and a goofy half-crab. Batista breaks it up. Chop! Kneedrop misses, Edge wooos and gets the figure-four leglock. Edge demands that Flair tap out. Shoulders down, 2. Edge releases and tags to Benoit. Flair backs into the corner. Benoit hammers with four chops, then Benoit does his head-and-shoulder bobbing and Flair flops. Batista is concerned. Into the opposite corner, five more chops, more bobbing, another flop. Snap suplex! Flair thumbs Benoit in the eye, into the face corner with a headlock, tag to Edge. Inverted atomic drop by Flair and he makes his way to Batista. Tag is made. Batista cuts Edge off from making the tag, telegraphs a backdrop, and gets clotheslined. Tag to Benoit. Chop, forearm, forearm, off the ropes, reversed, slide through, kick, chop, chop, kneelift from Batista. Scoop, Benoit slides down, back suplex. Tag to Edge, he's setting for the spear, but it misses. Batista sends Edge to the floor and Flair takes advantage to work the broken hand with a shot against the post. We gotta take a commercial break (07'42")
Commercials: 10 Things Every Guy Should Experience (2), Godsend (5), Hitman: Contracts (3), 1-800-CALL-ATT (6), MX Unleashed (5), Envy (4), Stridex (4), Taco Bell (4)
We are back live here on Monday Night Raw and Batista is in control. Edge turns the tide quickly with a drop toe-hold into the corner. Benoit reaches for the tag but he has very short arms!!!!!! Tag to Benoit, forearm attack, backdrop on Flair, shot on Batista, snap suplex! Flair with a thumb to the eye and up top - guess what? Forearm attack #2 on Batista, Flair to the floor, German on Batista! German #2! German #3! Cut da throat! Headbutt connects! Crippler crossface! Flair breaks it up. Benoit and Batista down, the count is on. Tag to Flair, hard corner whip. Kneedrop on the money to the back of the head. Flair with rights and lefts in the corner, another hard corner whip. Tag to Batista. Vertical suplex lands, kneedrop to the back. That was not quite on the money. Batista stays on the back and gets his own half-crab. Batista drops the hammer while in the hold, tag to Flair. Cover by Flair, a couple two counts. Chop! Cover, 2. Another near-fall, another near-fall, tag to Batista. Flair distracts Edge again, Batista with a scoop aaand a powerslam. Cover, 2, shoulder up. Benoit forced back into the heel corner, Flair with a chop, Benoit fires back. Repeat. Off the ropes, Benoit blocks a hiptoss, backslide on Flair, 2. Chop! Chop! Drop toe-hold and Flair tags Batista. Enzugiri from Benoit! Both men down. Tags to Edge and Flair and Edge is the usual. Backdrop #2. Spinning heel kick on Batista. Thumb to the eye #3! Forearm shot from Edge on Flair, Benoit is back in and all over Batista. Spinebuster! Edge and Batista tumble to the floor on an Edge clothesline. Benoit isn't legal but he's the one in the ring. Wooo! Dance! Figure-four - SPEAR! 1, 2, 3! (08'20" - 16'02" aired) Triple H runs out to attack Edge and Benoit, followed by Shawn Michaels, who accidentally chairs Benoit. Evolution leaves, Edge and Michaels argue but settle it quickly, and then Benoit puts Shawn in the sharpshooter with Edge telling him to let him go.
Good ending, largely weak show. Goodnight!