WWE Raw 04.19.04
by Scott Christ
This is really really late but whatever. Who reads this? I have DirecTV commercials this week because I watched at a friend's and taped it from there. This will not be done again as it is too easy to get up and leave the room there.
Last week when I said Takada clearly I meant Ogawa with Takada's blessing. Right.
CC - TV-14-DLV - SmackDown!/Confidential/Bottom Line/Velocity/Heat/Afterburn/Tough Enough - RAW - Bischoff
OOH right off the bat. Lovely.
CHRIS JERICHO (230, a native of Winnitoba, MB, Canada - oh Lilian, with new video) v. CHRISTIAN (224, Toronto, ON, with TRISH STRATUS): Trish looks better than usual just wearing a black top and jeans. Lawler thinks Christian and Trish are hotter than Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. I guess, man, those two are married. That isn't hot. Jessica Simpson really worked the rack at Divas Live though. NOT THAT I WATCHED IT. So what is this, the blowoff? Collar-and-elbow, shove away. Try again, aggressive struggle, Jericho backs him into the corner and slaps him in the stomach. "I don't even know what street Winnitoba's on." Collar-and-elbow, Jericho to the side headlock. Off the ropes, Jericho with the shoulderblock. Lawler calls this the rubber match even though one of them was not one-on-one. Trade of slaps, Jericho punches and gets some mounted rights. Chop, off the ropes, high back body drop w/great elevation. Jericho with a forearm into the corner. Chop! Kick, kick, kick, kick, Chioda breaks it up. Christian with rights to the gut, corner whip, Jericho kicks up, Christian out and he runs into a backbreaker. Cover, 2, kickout. Christian with a right, corner whip, charge, Jericho with a dropkick - 1, 2, shoulder up. Side headlock from Jericho. Lawler picks Christian to win the match. Christian with rights and kicks and more rights and another kick. Sunset flip attempt is blocked, Jericho hooks the legs, and we go into the pin reversals. Jericho tries the walls, Trish comes in and gets handed by the cad. Two spankings in two nights. Two really weak ones too. Christian saves Trish from further humiliation, pulling her to the floor, and Jericho springboard planchas onto both of them. We've gotta take a commercial break! (04'16")
Commercials: MXC, XBox, Gatorade X-Factor (which sucks), Twix, Godsend, Culture Shock Week on the National Geographic Channel, Scottrade, Culture Shock Week on the National Geographic Channel (2), SpikeTV bumper
We are back, and Christian slams Jericho's head into the steps. Back in, Christian chokes Jericho over the middle rope. Trish gets a slap in. She goes back and Jericho grabs her by the head, so Christian gets involved and steps on his throat. Jericho rolls out, Christian distracts Chioda again. Chick kick from Trish! Back in, Christian hits the chinlock, then goes to a headlock. "We want puppies" chant - c'mon, Canada, you're supposed to be above these things. "Y2J" chant. That's slightly better. Jericho elbows out, chop, chop, whip is reversed, Christian tries a kneelift, Jericho counters with a rollup for two. Christian with a clothesline, cover, 2. Christian with a Blatant Chokehold. Christian releases and works the crowd, which leads him into a Jericho clothesline. Both men down, up at five. Right from Jericho, chop, whip reversed again, forearm shot by Jericho. Shoulderblock, Jericho ducks the clothesline, "c'mon, (nickname)," drop toe-hold, running rope-assisted Mike Enos. Jericho hits the faceslam, which Christian again takes like a lunatic. Lionsault misses but Jericho lands on his feet, sleeper drop hits, 2. King says Trish is getting "moist." That's a bit much. Reverse DDT, feet on the ropes, 2. "Unprettier" according to JR, naturally. Does no one tell him? Ever? Or do they think it's part of his charm? Christian up top and takes too much time, so Jericho is up with him - butterfly superplex! "Y2J" chant, Jericho crawls over, hooks the leg, 2. Jericho with a kick, corner whip, charge, Christian gets the elbow up. Swinging reverse DDT! Cover, 2, kickout. Christian to the knees, takedown, looks for the cloverleaf, Jericho cradles, 2. Chop, chop, whip reversed, Trish hits Jericho. Christian grabs Jericho's arms, Trish's slap goes awry, running enzuigiri! Jericho goes after Trish and brings her in the hard way. Jericho goes for the walls on Christian with Chioda's back turned, and now SOME NEW SLUG is in and Nathan Jones's his kick to Jericho. Christian covers, 2, 3. (07'49" - 12'05" aired) Well, he's bald and has some totally blazin' tribal tatz. Christian and Trish pretend they like each other for real.
Last night, Benoit retained, and tonight, he'll be on Raw.
Commercials: Fozzy for YJ Stinger, Kill Bill Volume 2, Milky Way, Monster, MX Unleashed, Burger King
Moments Ago, Jericho was kicked.
Backstage, Christian introduces Trish to her new problem-solver, TYSON TOMKO. What a shitty name.
CHRIS BENOIT arrives to a standing ovation and shows off da belt. He's going to talk. "Benoit" chant. More showing off da belt. More chanting. More showing off da belt. "And it all started in a place every wrestler, every wrestling historian, every wrestling fan around the world knows as The Dungeon here in Calgary! ('Stu' chant) Just over eighteen years ago, Stu Hart (yay!) - yeah, Stu Hart springboarded my career into professional wrestling. That got me here today, as the world heavyweight champion. ('Benoit' chant) You know the only sad part about it, is that Stu Hart isn't around today, 'cause I sure as hell would like to thank him. For everything he's done to me, and for everything he's done for every wrestling fan around the world today - thank you, Stu. ('Stu' chant) You know it started at the Dungeon - I heard it all, heard, 'Chris Benoit, you'll never do it.' 'Chris Benoit, you don't have what it takes.' 'Chris Benoit, you can't win the big one.' ('Benoit' chant) Well I proved them wrong at the Royal Rumble this year by defeating 29 other men! To get MY shot at the world championship at WrestleMania XX! And I walked into WrestleMania XX an underdog - but I walked out of WrestleMania XX the one, and only, man in the entire history of this industry to have made Triple H TAP OUT! You know, but I still heard it. 'Well, Benoit, you got lucky. Benoit, you're nothin' but a fluke.' Until last night, at Backlash, in Edmonton, when I put the sharpshooter on HBK in the middle of the ring - and made the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels TAP OUT! ('Benoit' chant) Lotta people said that was a fluke, but I proved them wrong. Chris Benoit is for real! And I am the world heavyweight champion!" SHAWN MICHAELS is out. He screwed Bret. "Chris Benoit, I have always believed that you were for real. Never once in all the years I've known about Chris Benoit did I ever think you were not for real. ('Asshole!') The only thing I question, Chris, because I know you and I are a lot alike. (boo) The only thing I question is whether you know deep within your heart if you are really the very, very best." "Oh believe me - whoa whoa whoa whoa. ('you tapped out') Believe me, HBK, I believe, deep down in my heart, that I am the very, very best. And I've got this world championship title here over my shoulder to prove it." "Well - what I've got for you to prove is that one-on-one, against the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels, YOU have never won! YOU have never beat me! And *I've* got the footage to prove it!" Here's the footage to prove it. "Now, I'm comin' out here, I know that I'm the least popular guy in this building, but I'm comin' out here, doin' my darnedest, to show you respect, man-to-man - I know you're in your home country! I know you're amped up! I know you're feelin' it! But man-to-man, I'm just tellin' you, right here, I wanna give you and me the opportunity to find out which one of us is REALLY the best! Right here, tonight! In Calgary, Alberta, Canada! Chris Ben-WAH! The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels! FOR - the world - heavyweight - championship - right here - TONIGHT!" "Right here tonight? Let's get it on." And they want to! But ERIC BISCHOFF and JOHNNY NITRO are out. Bischoff loves the idea! He loves it so much that there's not a chance in hell he'll let it happen in Calgary. Bischoff thinks it needs at least two weeks to promote properly, so in two weeks in Phoenix, we'll see the Benoit-Michaels title match. Benoit and Michaels stare and shake hands. Two weeks!
Commercials: MXC (2), Troy, MX Unleashed (2), freevibe.com, Twix (2), Hitman: Contracts, Burger King (2)
WWE XBox Rewind is Victoria beating Molly at WrestleMania and Molly losing her hair
WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - VICTORIA (champion, Los Angeles, CA, with Raw is brought to you by Champions of Norrath, Twix and Troy) v. MOLLY HOLLY (challenger, Forest Lake, MN): Molly starts off by assaulting Victoria before the bell. Snapmare and a basement dropkick, cover, 2. Handspring elbow is stopped with a kick to the back, then Victoria hits a lame crossbody for two. Off the ropes, leapfrog, splits, monkey flip. Victoria slingshots to the apron after Molly bails and hits a clothesline off the apron. Molly is backing away in the ring but gets slammed. Victoria has a seizure and hits a standing moonsault, cover, 2. Catapult and Molly is reeling. Victoria tries a hair biel but rips the wig off. Molly doesn't run away but instead FREAKS OUT! Punch, kicks, rear naked choke and she won't release it. It's over via DQ. (02'19") Molly won't release the hold! Victoria is unconscious! Two referees can't break her deathgrip! Molly has SNAPPED! Finally they get her to release and she slowly backs up the ramp.
Outside, a white limo has arrived. Who could it be! Why it's EVOLUTION. Lawler points out that HHH has no belt. Here's TODD GRISHAM. HHH won't talk to Todd until he brings up the match that was made tonight. Grisham tells him what match, exactly, has been made for two weeks from tonight. He doesn't seem to like it. It's "(his) match." Orton seems sore.
Commercials: Burger King (3), Van Helsing, Gatorade, Target + Master and Commander, some sort of super phone thing?
KANE is in some dark room, somewhere. "There's been a problem, a problem eating away at me from the inside out. I have become - weak. I have shown human compassion. And it has weakened me. But no more. Tonight - I will once again FEAST on fear and suffering! My appetite for agony will be awakened! I will once again taste the pain of others! I WILL feast on the fear of the innocent! And it is the sweetest taste of all. TONIGHT - I - HUNGER - FOR A SACRIFICCCCE." And then there's a camera trick. My heavens shut up.
Backstage, Eric and Johnny watch TV. Johnny thinks it "can't be good." Eric is scared and references the Angle/Big Show thing from Smackdown. There's a knock on the door, and it's WILLIAM REGAL. "Oh, Mr. Bischoff. I've come to talk to you about your nephew, young master Eugene. He's had me up and down and in and out like a bloody fiddler's elbow! Gallivanting all over the place. It's too much stress! I don't need this! It-it's too taxing on my body! I-I just don't need this kind - I'm not a glorified bloody babysitter! I'm sure I can, I can serve you in much better ways, you know." "Mr. Regal, I thought I made this clear a couple of weeks ago - where's Eugene?" "You know, that's rather a funny story. Because when we arrived here today in the arena, young master Eugene, he, he decided to have a little game of hide-and-seek, you know, and I had to count, so I, you know, I'm counting to ten, you know, and I got to ten and boop - he's gone. And I haven't seen him since. And so if you want to find him, boop - you're it." "I don't find this funny at all. Let me make this clear, Mr. Regal - this job? This job is not optional. If you don't take care of my nephew, you will never work in this business again, you understand that? Let me help you understand something else, you see, Kane - he's looking for a sacrifice. And unless you go out there in that arena, and find my nephew, and find him real quick, I'll make sure Kane gets his sacrifice. 'Cause I'm gonna be booking a match tonight, Mr. Regal. It'll be Kane versus YOU."
Up Next - Randy Orton speaks
Commercials: MXC (3), Snickers, John Cena for YJ Stinger, MX Unleashed (3), Kill Bill Volume 2 (2), Milky Way (2), Target + Master and Commander (2), Taco Bell, MXC (4)
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RANDY ORTON is out, all bandaged on his forehead and stuff. Sign: Orton is Tacky. They're putting him over big. "So tell me - tell me, who, who's the no-dues paying, can't hang with the big boys, wet behind the ears punk kid NOW? Each and every one of you thought last night at Backlash that Mick Foley was gonna destroy me. And I'm sure everyone here tonight bought their tickets to Raw in advance so that they could congratulate Mick on shutting up that punk kid Randy Orton for good. But guess what? It didn't happen. Now my, my victory last night, that victory was the biggest, the biggest of my career. But as strange as it sounds, as strange as it may seem (Go Flames Go chant?) - as strange as it may seem, I wanna thank you, Mick! That's right, you heard me, I wanna thank you, Mick Foley. Because I didn't face the retired author of children's books last night, like I did at WrestleMania. I faced the true hardcore legend. And Mick I saw the hatred in your eyes, I saw it up close. Mick, I saw that sadistic side, I saw Cactus Jack - up close and personal. Mick (small "Randy" chant) - you did everything you could possibly do to me, Mick. You did everything humanly possible in this ring, outside of this ring, and these people loved it. They liked it when you took the trash can and you hit me over the head, you bashed me over the back of the head! You liked it when he threw me off that stage and then came crashing down on me, all 275 pounds. And I, I know you liked it when he took that barbed wire bat, and he held it to my face, and he tore the flesh right off my skull. And I know, I know everyone erupted when Mick sent my body crashing down to that island of razor-sharp, razor-sharp thumbtacks. But Mick that's just fine, y'see, that's just fine, because I took it. I took everything, Mick, everything you could dish out! I beat you, Mick, with an RKO in the middle of the ring, on that barbed wire bat, I beat you! I beat you, Mick Foley, at your own game, I beat you by your own terms - hardcore rules, Evolution banned from ringside, Intercontinental title on the line, I beat you, Mick. I did it - I did it all by myself. And then, something amazing happened. Something amazing happened, Mick. I realized that after I beat you like I did, after I beat you like I did, Mick, that I turned into something that I despised, something that I sought out to destroy. Mick Foley, last night I entered this ring, Randy Orton, Hardcore Legend, Legend Killer. I entered this ring as a Legend Killer and Mick Foley last night, when I left this ring as all was said and done, I left as Randy Orton - Living Legend." EDGE has decided to interrupt. "That was one hell of a victory speech, Randy. That might be your best one yet - and I would know. 'Cause I've been watching you. Y'see for the last 14 months, I've been sittin' on the sidelines, watchin' you RUN YOUR MOUTH! And if there's one thing I can say with 100% certainty, it's this - I don't - like - YOU." Orton ACTS! "But there's one thing you did not too long ago that stuck in my mind. Y'see I might not be a legend, but I'm daring you right now to spit - in my - FACE." Enough with the delivery, Edge. "C'mon, Randy! You beat Mick Foley in a hardcore match! Surely you don't got a problem spittin' in my face! C'mon, Randy, I'm beggin' you, I'm darin' you! Spit in my face!" "NO. Edge, I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm beat down, man, and if I wasn't, I'd drop you right here! But you know what? You know what, Edge? You're not even worth it!" Edge attacks! What a babyface! Edge annihilates Orton, BATISTA and RIC FLAIR run in and overwhelm him. Sit-down power bomb by Batista! Benoit is out! He takes over on Batista. Triple H is out! He beats up Benoit! PEDIGREE! Evolution leaves with Benoit and Edge laid out dead. Bischoff and Nitro meet them on the stage and make a main event tonight - Ric Flair & Batista v. Edge & Chris Benoit for the world tag team titles. TONIGHT!
Commercials: MXC (5), Kill Bill Volume 2 (3), Twix (3), Burger King (4), Gatorade X-Factor (2), Culture Shock Week on the National Geographic Channel (3), U.S. Army Special Forces, SpikeTV bumper
Drakengard Garrison Cade helps Coach beat Tajiri of the week
THE COACH is out to welcome GARRISON CADE. He really needs better music. Nice Barry Windham boots. Coach joins the broadcast team.
GARRISON CADE (unannounced) v. TAJIRI (206, Japan): Tajiri eyes coach on his way to the ring. Tie-up, Cade is taller and thus stronger. Tajiri turns it around in the corner with quick kicks and punches. Cade turns it around as we go over Cade being trained by Shawn Michaels. Cade doesn't break clean. Off the ropes, Cade tries a hiptoss and Tajiri hits some fancy armdrag thing. Basement dropkick, cover, 2. Chop, whip is reversed, handspring elbow is countered with a boot to the back. This is just Molly/Victoria. Cover, 2. Side backbreaker and Cade holds it. A little high at that. That's not going to break a back, Garrison. Tajiri with a knee to the face to get out, Cade stomps away in the corner. Boot choke, break at four. Coach says Cade styles and profiles. Vertical suplex, cover, 2. "I don't understand how you got so, as you say, 'tight.'" Easy with the hipster lingo, JR. Cade tries something, Tajiri counters with a spinning headscissors. Another vertical attempt, Tajiri slides down, standing switch, Tajiri hits a straight kick to the gut, another kick, another kick, whip reversed, handspring elbow hits this time. Tajiri with another kick, cover, 2. Tajiri goes for the tarantula, Cade blocks, neck snapped over the top rope. Tajiri up top - springboard moonsault doesn't hit. Cade up top, Coach spooges - flying elbow! 1, 2, 3. (04'18") Coach says nobody in the history of the business has ever dropped an elbow like that. Coach is Tony Schiavone when trying to put someone over, it would appear.
TONIGHT! - Benoit & Edge v. Flair & Batista!
WWE Divas 2004 Swimsuit Issue on newstands...sometime. I'm not rewinding.
Commericals: MXC (6), John Cena for YJ Stinger (2), MX Unleashed (4), Monster (2), Troy (2), Burger King (5), Ivory and Todd Grisham host The WWE Experience
Here is a shot of the beautiful Pengrowth Saddledome in beautiful Calgary, AB
Smackdown Rebound features Kurt Angle's untimely demise.
We're back live, and EUGENE is in the ring with LILIAN GARCIA and the t-shirt gun. TONIGHT! - Batista & Flair v. Benoit & Edge. Your hosts are JIM ROSS and JERRY THE KING LAWLER. Eugene shoots a t-shirt at Lawler. Regal is out now and no shit what's gonna happen here. Regal gets shot in the dick with a t-shirt. Eugene's sorry, Regal's mad, JR's amused.
Commercials: Milky Way (3), Van Helsing (2 - what a terrible accent by Kate Beckinsale), Subway, Twix (4), Nike at Foot Locker, freevibe.com (2), Target + Master and Commander (3)
2 Weeks from TONIGHT! - Benoit v. Michaels
Backstage, Edge and Benoit get ready. Last night, Edge was hungry, ready, he wanted it. Benoit awkwardly cuts him off. Nobody thinks they have a chance tonight! Bischoff made the match because they can't do it! They'll prove them wrong! Benoit disses Edge by not tapping fists with him.
MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH - LITA (Sanford, NC) & VAL VENIS (224, Las Vegas, NV) v. GAIL KIM (Korea) & MATT HARDY (229, Cameron, NC) well nevermind, KANE is out for his sacrifice. Matt moves out of the way, Gail gets out of Dodge, and Val tells Lita to take cover as he gets BRAVE. Chokeslam on Venis. Kane eyes Lita and shoves her. Kane stalks, Matt thinks. Matt thinks. Matt thinks. MATT TAKES OFF HIS COAT! MATT TELLS LITA TO RUN AWAY! MATT GOES AFTER KANE! MATT GETS KILLED! CHOKESLAM! Kane laughs at Lita and leaves. Matt Fact: Matt has 44 different action figures.
TONIGHT! Flair & Batista v. Edge & Benoit
WWE Live: Friday in St. Paul, Saturday in Kansas City, Sunday in Wichita, Raw next week in Topeka, one week from Friday in Amarillo (I've been there!)
Commercials: Hitman: Contacts (2), Kill Bill Volume 2 (3), Gatorade (2), Snickers (2), freevibe.com (3), NHL on DirecTV, K-1 Battle at the Bellagio II
HIROHITO IS COMING, AND HE IS *PISSED OFF* ABOUT WORLD WAR II
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - BATISTA & RIC FLAIR (champions, combined 552) v. EDGE (250, Toronto, ON) & CHRIS BENOIT (challengers, 229, originally from Edmonton, AB): Benoit starts with Flair. Benoit talks trash and Flair just laughs it off. Collar-and-elbow, Benoit is stronger. Clean break, back to it, Flair wins this time, Benoit turns it around in the corner, clean break again. Collar-and-elbow #3, Flair backs him in, forearm, chop, Benoit chops back, chop, chop, chop, Edge gets a right in, chop and Flair is reeling. Backdrop from Benoit, Flair begs off, Benoit kicks him. Forearm, tag to Edge in the face corner. Edge with some kicks and a forearm shot, backdrop #2. Flair begs off again, Edge mocks him. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, Flair is woozy and flops. Flair pokes Edge in the eye, drops him and tags Batista in. Batista with a right and he takes it to the corner to optimize his power. Collision staggers Batista, Edge dropkicks him. Apparently Batista is now so big that he can't be knocked down too easily. Benoit tagged in and he rabidly wolverines Batista in the corner. Into the face corner again, another tag to Edge. Backdrop is telegraphed, Batista with a lariat and a tag to Flair. Flair goes after the broken hand. Batista in and I think he's biting Edge's cast. I don't understand why, but hey. Benoit gets all angry and fiery and runs in to hit Batista from behind, but it's a bad idea as usual. Flair comes in with no tag and stays on the hand. Edge comes back with chops and they trade rights and chops. Flair off the ropes for a haymaker, blocked, off the ropes, Edge hits the spinning heel kick. Both men down and needing the tag. Benoit gets it, Flair doesn't go for it. Benoit hammers Flair with chops, off the ropes, backdrop #3. Forearm, off the ropes, Benoit body attack, Batista knocked to the floor, snap suplex, Benoit goes for the sharpshooter! He has it but Batista is in, and Benoit puts him back down. Flair walks into the crippler crossface! The crowd is booing because HHH is on the apron. Benoit knocks HIM down. Benoit is a MACHINE! Benoit with a chop, a chop, Flair rakes the eyes and Batista is in - SPINEBUSTER! Flair covers, 2, shoulder up, let's go to a break (07'45")
Commercials: MXC (7), Godsend (2), Burger King (6), Fat Joe for YJ Stinger, Milky Way (4), XBox (2), Taco Bell (2), This Just In..., SpikeTV bumper
We're back and Batista is beating on Benoit. Mounted rights. HHH has stayed at ringside. Batista with a bearhug and the crowd is hot. Benoit with a forearm and a HEADBUTT to get out, Batista puts him back down with a back elbow. Cover, 2, tag to Flair. Short whip to the corner, chop, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, chop. HHH gets a Blatant Choke in with the referee's back turned. "We Want Bret" chant, Batista is back in and working Benoit over. Grapevined rear chinlock by Batista. Hey, Lesnar isn't using it. Calling it a rear naked choke bothers me. "Benoit" chant and he starts stirring. Elbow out and a back suplex by Benoit, both men down again. Tag to Flair and he cuts Benoit off. Off the ropes, Flair tries a hiptoss, Benoit counters with a backslide, 2. Benoit and Flair trade more chops, roundhouse right is ducked, GERMAN! GERMAN! Flair is crazy. Both men are down again. Up and Flair chops. Benoit chops back, Flair goes down, Benoit is fatigued and he falls. Tags to Edge and Batista! Edge is all over him, ducks a clothesline, clothesline on Batista, on Flair, on Batista, Batista comes back with a kneelift. Both men whip him in, Batista ducks the clothesline but Flair eats it. Edge uses the cast to get out of the sit-out power bomb, Flair breaks the pin. Benoit dumps Flair out and heads up - FLYING HEADBUTT ON BATISTA! HHH pulls Benoit out and hits him with two rights. Shawn Michaels is out - superkick on HHH! Spear on Batista! Cover - 1, 2, 3!! New tag champs! (06'14" - 13'59" aired) Benoit has DOUBLE GOLD. Good match. Batista and Flair are such a fun tag team.
That is all! Goodnight from Raw! Many days late!