for the match,
for my joke.WWE Survivor Series - 11.16.03
by Scott Christ
It's that time of month again. No, no, not my period. Time for World Wrestling Entertainment on Pay-Per-View.
Before we get the ball rolling, I would like to plug my new favorite site in the world without using the terms "shameless plug" or "cheap plug," because I really hate when people do that. With that said, The Sting & Palumbo Site is very clearly the best website in the world that is dedicated to liking both Sting and Chuck Palumbo. I recommend the fanfic (though there is a disappointing lack of double penetration by Sting and Chuck Palumbo; I figured Palumbo would be giving her the jungle dick, but no such luck) and the funny page, which lives up to its billing and then some.
--Live on November 16, 2003 from American Airlines Arena in Dallas, TX.
--On Heat, JONATHAN COACHMAN had an injured neck which made him cough a lot for some reason, and AL SNOW offered his assistance. They didn't really do much in the way of trying to make people buy the show, they just did their annoying bits for their segments. Also on Heat, JOSH MATHEWS was wormy and RUE was really, really annoying.
--HEAT MATCH FOR THE WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP - JAMIE NOBLE
(challenger, 200, Hanover, WV) v. TAJIRI (champion, 206, Yokohama, Japan):
Sakoda and Akio aren't with Tajiri, and Noble jumps him in the aisle. Nidia is
of course still not back with Noble. Our SmackDown! match commentators are
MICHAEL COLE and COACH TAZZ. In the ring, Tajiri steals the early advantage.
Tazz calls Tajiri's knees "Muay Thai-like." That would annoy me but I
guess I get the point and appreciate the sentiment. Tajiri with an abdominal
stretch, Noble hiptosses out. Noble with a reverse neckbreaker, both men are
down. Noble with kicks and forearms, then a running knee to the head, running
elbow, cover, 2, kickout. Noble hits a powerslam, cover, 2. Here comes AKIO!
He's thrown out of the ring. Here comes SAKODA! He's knocked off the apron.
Noble blocks the green mist! Tajiri gives a great reaction to that, and Noble
ducks a kick and hits a tiger driver for two. Tajiri goes for the tarantula, not
happening. Noble for the tornado DDT, not happening. Noble with the tarantula!
Noble up top, and Akio is knocked off the apron, so is Sakoda. Noble off the
top, kick to the gut, kick to the head, cover, Tajiri retains. (04'13")
Good stuff for being four minutes and worthless. Tazz says Tajiri has
"serious back" but I dunno, his butt isn't that big.
for the match,
for my joke.
--Still on Heat, we go over to JIMMY JAM ROSS and JERRY P.S. LAWLER. Video package for the Austin-Bischoff Survivor Series match.
--Ah, but channel 801 was so much older then, it's younger than that now.
--As always, the pre-PPV video package is off its ass.
--Raw, SmackDown! and X-Box present WWE Survivor Series. Fireworks! Limp Bizkit song! We're with Michael Cole and Tazz, which makes me think we're starting with the tag title match, but no, here comes JOHN CENA. I figure maybe he's just out to talk, but no, this match is opening. Cena's rap: "This whole pay-per-view is ass backwards, the main event is on first / I come through the curtains like a fetus, the rest of them are just afterbirth / Nate Jones, Matt Morgan, they don't even stand a chance / I guess Shane & Kane gonna have to make some room in that amba-lance / And A-Train, Brock, they need to talk to the grave digger / I'm buryin' BOTH of those giants, they need to make that grave bigger / John Cena survive alone, I don't need no frickin' stable / I wonder if I could trade in my four partners for a one-night stand with Sable / And Big Show? Don't think I forgot about you, homey / He's a giant, well I'm a giant whistle, so go ahead and blow me." Weeeeak. I don't want cheery John Cena.
--TEAM ANGLE - JOHN CENA (248, West Newbury, MA), CHRIS BENOIT (229,
Edmonton, AB), BRADSHAW (297, Texas), HARDCORE HOLLY (234, Mobile, AL) &
KURT ANGLE (237, Pittsburgh, PA) v. TEAM LESNAR - BIG SHOW (United States
Champion, 500, Tampa, FL), A-TRAIN (350, Boston, MA), NATHAN JONES (340,
Queensland, Australia), MATT MORGAN (320, Fairfield, CT) & BROCK LESNAR (WWE
Champion, 295, Minneapolis, MN): Lesnar manages to get a bit of a face pop
while the rest of the heels just get about no reaction. Hardcore Holly goes
right after Lesnar, and all hell has broken loose right away. Holly shoves
referee Brian Hebner, and he's DQ'd before the match has even started. So
we're already at 5-on-4. People boo the Holly thing, and now we've started with
A-Train and Bradshaw. Everyone else is still scattered around the ring.
Clothesline from hell! Cover, 2, A-Train is eliminated. (00'28")
4-on-4 now. In comes Big Show. Bradshaw sets for another lariat, but he's nailed
in the back. Chokeslam! Cover, 2, 3. (00'48") People are booing,
we're at 4-on-3 for Team Lesnar in under a minute. Cena in, tag to Lesnar.
Lesnar dominates until Cena gets a chop block. Couple of roll-ups, couple of
two-counts. Tag to Matt Morgan. Headbutt and a right hand, scoop slam, legdrop
misses. Morgan with a side slam, tag to Jones. Let the fun begin. Couple of
kneelifts, forearm to the back, scoop slam, chokelift to the corner, tag to
Lesnar. Cole brings up the '87 team that had Andre the Giant, King Kong Bundy
and One Man Gang. Cena with the throwback, two count, here's the tag to Benoit.
Benoit with some chops. Snap suplex! Lesnar with a hotshot and a clothesline to
turn the tide. Tag to Big Show. Press slam by Big Show and then he talks some
very fat, tired smack. Chokeslam countered into the crossface, but Lesnar breaks
the hold. Standing legdrop thing by Big Show, cover, Angle breaks the pin.
Morgan sneaks in to throw Benoit the floor, where Lesnar goes after Benoit, and
finally Angle and Cena have had enough so they go to fight. Back inside, tag to
Morgan. Benoit ducks a big boot, dropkick to the knee, dropkick to the face, tag
to Kurt Angle. German suplex! German suplex! German suplex! Well he bumps really
well. Jones in, Jones down. Lesnar in, F5, countered, German suplex! Big Show
knocked off the apron, all hell is breaking loose again. Jones accidentally
kicks Morgan and trips, but it wasn't quite as bad as you'd think. Poor Nathan
Jones is bad at everything he's ever tried. Angle Slam on Morgan! Cover, 2, 3! (09'06")
3-on-3 now. Big Show hits Jones by accident, straps are down! Ankle lock on
Nathan Jones! Tap tap tap! (09'32") Here comes the pain! F5 on
Angle! Cover, 2, 3! (09'45") So after all that, we're down to Benoit
and Cena against Lesnar and Big Show. Benoit and Lesnar settle it down in the
ring. F5 - Benoit counters! Crossface! Big Show tries to get in, Cena knocks him
out, Lesnar counters with a cradle, two count. Benoit right back to the
crossface, Lesnar gets the ropes. Crossface again! TAPOUT! (11'50")
Benoit and Cena against Big Show. "You tapped out!" chant, so that was
effective. Benoit up top - standing flying headbutt! Cover, 2, kickout. Cole
missed that it was a flying standing headbutt. Benoit goes and does something
really cool and Cole doesn't even notice. Benoit knocked into the corner, tagged
by Cena, and I don't think Big Show noticed. Chokeslam on Benoit, chain shot by
Cena! FU!! 1, 2, 3! (13'15") Your survivors are John Cena and Chris
Benoit, who shake hands and fist-tap after the match. The match was really
rushed. If you're going to put Bob Holly and Bradshaw in a match like this at
least have some balls about it. And A-Train didn't need to be the first heel
out, he tries. Overall it was okay and fun because of the format.
1/2
--Backstage, VINCE MCMAHON arrives at SHANE MCMAHON's locker room. Has it dawned on Shane what's going on - a father and son competing in singles matches against two brothers. Shane doesn't seem interested. Vince is feeling protected by a higher power, and wants to know if Shane feels the same. Shane just feels sorry for Vince. Vince leaves, he's WALKING! - and there's STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. Stare. Stare. Austin cracks a smile. Vince smiles back. Austin laughs. Vince laughs. Austin laughs harder. Vince laughs harder. They laugh - Austin stops. Vince stops. Austin leaves. What a moment.
--Nothing beats Raw house shows.
--To JR and the King, and they briefly discuss the Austin-Vince thing.
--WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - LITA (challenger, homeless) v. MOLLY HOLLY
(champion, Forest Lake, MN): Molly is so pretty! And let's also be honest -
she has a great set of jugs and some fabulous junk in the trunk. Now, I don't
want it to sound like that's all I care about. I also like the fact that I can
watch her wrestle and she doesn't embarrass me, the viewer. What I'm saying is
that via cans, ass and ability, Molly Holly is becoming one of my favorite
wrestlers. Lita not so much. Lita takes control early with her wild and crappy
brawling. In a completely bizarre moment, the King compares the wrestling styles
of these two, and thinks THE MATCH will be really interesting. Molly really has
some wiggle in the jiggle. I'm not trying to be crass, it's just really
striking. I can't ignore it. I think Lawler is having the same problem.
Handspring elbow, JR mentions the Great Muta. Molly stomps away in the corner
and gets a boot choke. Lita flips up to the top, flying crossbody for two. The
problem with Lita is her movement is always so awkward and fake-looking. 10
punch, who doesn't like counting to ten? Side suplex by Molly, cover, 2, kickout.
Molly wants her own 10 punch (I think) but Lita power bombs her for two. Both
ladies are down, both ladies are up at seven. Lita with a completely awful
russian legsweep, Lita up top - Litasault misses! Molly up top - Molly-Go-Round
hits! Cover, 2, KICKOUT! Molly is upset. Molly throws a tantrum. Molly takes off
the middle turnbuckle. Lita rolls her up for two, drop toehold to the exposed
steel! Cover, 2, 3! Molly retains! Hooray! (06'49") Decent match,
surprising ending. On the replay, we get some vaginal slip from Lita. How
unfortunate for her.
--Up next, the ambulance match.
--AMBULANCE MATCH - KANE (320, homeless) v. SHANE MCMAHON (235, Greenwich,
CT): Kane nearly dies right away as Shane crossbodies him to the floor and
he goes over pretty much upright. Brawl on the floor, and it takes Shane all of
a minute and change to hit the Spanish table elbow. Fight backstage and a camera
goes out, but now it's back. Shane disappears during the chase and comes from
behind to hit Kane with a kendo stick. Shane then gets into an SUV and backs it
into him, crushing him through the window of a security booth. Shane then gets
on a walkie-talkie and tells someone to "Send it! Send it." Here comes
another ambulance, but it's not gonna happen. Another camera goes out and people
boo. Brawl back out to the entranceway. Kane throws Shane onto the windshield of
the official ambulance a couple times, which cracks it. Kane attempts to close
the doors but Shane kicks him away. Shane McMahon considers a crucifix DDT,
which eventually he kind of gets right. Then Shane McMahon sets up the
cardboardest of all boxes so that he has something to land on while doing the
Van Terminator from the top of the ambulance down to the floor. Pretty cool
besides the box, pretty gay with it. Shane tries to shut the doors, but Kane
isn't dead enough. Now they're both in the back of the ambulance, but they're
out. A draw would've been good. Shane gets slammed into the sides of the
ambulance a lot and the crowd chants for Shane. Tombstone on the concrete, Shane
is thrown into the ambulance, and the doors are shut. (13'31")
That's it? A tombstone? That's freaking fucking it? Get out my face. The match
was roughly as good as the one from two months ago.
1/2
--This month on the Fanatic Series is 100% Stratusfaction Guaranteed.
--Josh is with Brock Lesnar. Brock says he didn't lose, but Josh tells him he tapped out. "I didn't tap out! And I didn't lose! You're talking to me as if I was the only one out there in that ring tonight! Do I need to remind you, Josh, who you're talkin' to? Line anybody up in this entire frickin' world and I will beat them single-handedly. Why? Because I am the WWE champion. I am...what the hell do you want?" OMG. "How ya doin', Brock? GOLDBERG. World heavyweight champion. Nice to meet ya. Aren't you gonna wish me luck in my match tonight? Hahaha." Whoa.
--Please welcome THE COACH to Survivor Series. Coach talks some, then he's gonna leave, but he spots MARK CUBAN at ringside and gets a quick interview. Mark is looking forward to watching Stone Cold('s team) kicking Eric Bischoff('s team's) ass. Then Mark says all referees suck. Here's ERIC BISCHOFF. Bischoff challenges Cuban to get into the ring and his face. So Cuban does, and Bischoff wants to throw him out because tonight, it's his building. Bischoff shoves Cuban, who shoves him back. From behind it's RANDY ORTON - RKO! Man, Mark Cuban took that really well. What the butt. Nice waste of time.
--Backstage, EVOLUTION is partying it up with the ladies and the booze and the balloons. Flair proposes a toast to HHH, then Randy Orton comes into the room in his underwear and receives two titty twisters. Orton is proud of killing another legend. Orton will take out Austin, HHH will take out Goldberg. Batista will take the ladies out for some KFC. Flair will take out his weiner.
--The official theme song for Survivor Series is "Build a Bridge" by Limp Bizkit.
--WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - THE BASHAM BROTHERS (champions, 495,
Columbus, OH, with SHANIQUA) v. LOS GUERREROS (challengers, 441, El Paso, TX): Los
Guerreros clean house to start, then head after Shaniqua but Danny cuts them
off. Starting proper with Danny and Chavo. Nothing happens with them, tag to
Eddy. Rolling vertical suplexes. Cover, 2, Doug breaks the pin. Tag to Chavo.
Chavo with a scoop slam, tag to Eddy, slingshot somersault senton for two.
Bashams get a double-team hotshot on Eddy, then dump him to the floor. Shaniqua
clotheslines Eddy. Back inside with Eddy and Doug, cover, 2. Double-team
vertical suplex by the Bashams, Danny covers for two. Eddy with a spinning
headscissors, tags to Doug and Chavo. Chavo is all over both Bashams, then
nearly kills one of them with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Double-team flapjack by the
Bashams. Doug up top, he has Chavo set for a spinebuster bomb, but Eddy breaks
it up. Eddy with a 'rana on Doug from the top, somersault splash by Chavo,
cover, 2. Chavo and whichever Basham hit with a double clothesline and both are
down. Shaniqua interferes again and gets frog splashed and spanked. Chavo hits a
tornado DDT on Doug, but kicks Eddy in the process, then Danny sneaks in and
cradles Chavo, hooking the tights for 3. (07'29") Rushed finish,
rushed match overall. But it was alright.
1/2
--Armageddon ad.
--JR has never seen Austin in a mood like he's in tonight. Video package.
--TEAM BISCHOFF - CHRIS JERICHO (230, Winnipeg, MB), MARK HENRY (375,
Silsby, TX, with THEODORE LONG), CHRISTIAN (224, Toronto, ON), SCOTT STEINER
(275, Bay City, MI, with STACY KEIBLER) & RANDY ORTON (245, St. Louis, MO)
(with ERIC BISCHOFF) v. TEAM STONE COLD - BOOKER T (256, Houston, TX), THE
DUDLEY BOYZ (World Tag Team Champions, 555, New York, NY), ROB VAN DAM
(Intercontinental Champion, 235, Battle Creek, MI) & SHAWN MICHAELS (225,
San Antonio, TX) (with STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN): That's a really long and
confusing match header, I apologize. Bischoff's team come out together to
Bischoff's music and Austin's to his. That's cool. I thought the giant heel
SmackDown! team should have come out together for the visual of it but they
didn't. Crowd is way hot for this right away and we start with D-Von and
Christian. D-Von does some stuff, tag to RVD. RVD with a reverse kick, two
count. Christian tags out to Jericho. Jericho ducks an enzuigiri, but catches a
back kick instead. Northern lights suplex from Rob Van Dam and what the fuck is
he on tonight, because he looks great, 2 count. Jericho tags out to Steiner. JR,
I'll ask you to never compare the Big House to the American Airlines Arena
again. Steiner caught with a springboard twisting crossbody, two count. RVD is
on point. Steiner ducks a kick, overhead belly-to-belly suplex! Van Dam up top,
Steiner crotches him, follows him up, and hits an overhead belly-to-belly
superplex for two. Tag to Booker T and he's all over Steiner until Steiner
knocks him over. Bicep kiss elbowdrop, cover, 2. Booker with a flying forearm
and hits the scissor kick! Spinaroonie! Bischoff just can't stand to watch.
Jericho and Christian jump in but get laid out, Steiner gets a spinebuster,
cover, 2, Christian and Jericho break it. The Dudleys go after them, and it's a
fight now. STEINER MOTHERFUCKING RECLINER! Reverse 3D on Steiner, followed with
the Bookend! Cover, 2, Steiner is gone! (07'27") Mark Henry jumps in
with Booker and hits a powerslam. Cover, 2, 3, and that gets some boos. (07'49")
4-on-4 now. Bubba in and getting dominated. Tag to D-Von, and what do you know,
Mark Henry is stronger than both of them. Actually he probably is so what can
you do. 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH!!!!! All of them
cover him! 1, 2, 3! (10'02") Jericho and Van Dam in now, Austin's
team has the 4-on-3 advantage. Great deke-out in the corner by RVD and he gets
the split-legged moonsault for two. MAN he's having a good night. Tag to Orton,
he's in for the first time now. Hard lariat from Orton gets two. RVD comes back
and gets the rolling thunder, then hops up top before Jericho shoves him off and
into the RKO. Cover, 2, Van Dam is gone. (12'04") 3-on-3 with
Michaels and the Dudley Boyz against Orton, Jericho and Christian now. D-Von
with a legdrop on Orton, cover, 2. Michaels hasn't been in yet. D-Von up top,
diving headbutt connects. Cover, 2, kickout. Blind tag to Jericho, but D-Von
runs him over. Jericho gets a boot up on a corner charge, missile dropkick,
near-fall. D-Von has a cover on Jericho but Christian distracts the ref, then
Jericho nails D-Von with a sleeper neckbreaker, cover, 2, 3. (13'47")
3-on-2 advantage for Team Bischoff, and Bubba is in with Jericho. Bubba with a
side slam, two count. Michaels finally gets the tag, boot up in the corner,
chop, chop, punch, punch, punch, punch, Christian's in, Christian's out, and
Jericho clotheslines Michaels down. Tag to Orton. JR gets a good line in.
"Jericho was a big fan growing up of Shawn Michaels. Randy Orton was a big
fan of his mirror growing up." Both men down, the crowd is hot, and Bubba
and Christian get tags. Hotshot on Christian! Backdrop, cover, 2, Orton breaks
the pin. Christian holds Bubba, Jericho charges, and Bubba moves. Unprettier on
Bubba! Cover, 2, 3. (16'50") It's 3-on-1 with Jericho, Orton and
Christian against Michaels, and things look grim. JR is selling it really well.
Forearm, kip-up, atomic drop on Christian. Christian slows him down and tags
Orton. Michaels is fighting for his life but the numbers are overwhelming him.
Christian slingshots Shawn into the post and he blades. Good goddamn does he
blade. Inside, suplex, two count. Christian goes for the Unprettier, shoved off,
collision in the corner, Michaels stumbles out, Christian comes charging, SWEET
CHIN MUSIC! 1, 2, 3. (20'26") Jericho in now and Michaels takes the
flip on the turnbuckles. Clothesline, cover, 2, kickout. Orton in now, Michaels
has a sleeper, but Orton suplexes out. Jericho tagged in, he gets a DDT and both
men are down and out. Shawn rolls over, drapes the arm, 2, Orton breaks the pin.
Man JR is off his ass right now. Orton sent to the floor, Jericho hits the
bulldog. Lionsault, Michaels gets the knees up! Both men are down again and the
crowd is hot hot hot hot. Both struggle up, SCM is ducked, Walls of Jericho
countered into a cradle, 2, 3!!!!!!!!! Oh shit. (23'53") Yes yes
yes. Yes yes yes. Hey! Jericho hits HBK with a chair. That's not fair you dick!
Michaels is out in the ring, and Orton is slowly crawling back in. Orton drapes
the arm, KICKOUT. Jesus Christ. The ref is killed by an Orton crossbody and that
was pretty obvious. This match is off the charts. Michaels is up and tuning up
the motherfucking band. Bischoff in and he karate kicks Michaels. Austin is in -
STUNNER ON RANDY ORTON!!!! STUNNER MOTHERFUCKER! TAKE THAT ASSHOLE!!! Austin is
killing Bischoff all the way up the aisle! Orton is DEAD. Michaels covers, the
ref is still out and IT'S BATISTA! Sit-out power bomb on Michaels! Orton
covers! The ref is alive! 1, 2, 3. No no no no no. (27'25") Oh man.
Wow. Oh wow, man. King: "Holy crap." Oh man. Oh wow, man. What a great
match. What a perfectly deflating ending. What a ride. Jeez. The emotion in this
match was fantastic great and I love Shawn Michaels to death.
1/4
Post-match, Austin helps Michaels up and out while making a face that makes you think he just might Stone Cold Stunner the SOB because DTA, HBK. Shawn apologizes and Austin seems to be like, "what are you gonna do?" and they shake hands. God Michaels is a mess. They're gone, but Austin's music plays again and he makes his way to the ring. "I started my career in 1989 right here in Dallas, Texas. And I wasn't...lookin' for it to end tonight, and I ain't happy about a damn thing...but if it's gonna end, at least the one thing I feel -- and I don't feel good about a goddamn thing, but I feel justified that it started in Dallas, Texas, and it's been a hell of a damn ride. And I appreciate every single thing that you people have done for me. So I'm...excuse me, I'm feeling at least somewhat justified, that it ended in Dallas, Texas. There's been a lot of ups and downs, and it's been a hell of a ride, and there's been some good times, and there's damn sure been some bad times. And you ain't gonna hear Stone Cold Steve Austin say this a lot, but I'll go on record as sayin' I love the shit out of you guys." Austin drops the mic and salutes the crowd, and The Coach interrupts with na-na-na-na, etc., plus he's got some security with him. They're there to escort him out. Coach wants to know how it feels to know he's finished, but Austin decks him. STUNNER on the security guy. All of them get their asses kicked and dumped to the floor, leaving Austin and Coach. Austin rips off Coach's neckbrace, picks him up, and stomps a mudhole in his ass and by god walks it dry. STUNNER!
--Buy WWE Unscripted.
--Michael Cole and Tazz relate Austin's story tonight to what could happen to Vince, and Tazz gives some respect to Austin. Video package.
--BURIED ALIVE MATCH - THE UNDERTAKER (305, Houston, TX) v. VINCE MCMAHON
(245, Greenwich, CT): Vince has the confidence that a higher power is
watching over him for this. Bell rings and Vince is telling Undertaker all about
his higher power, and Undertaker doesn't really seem to care because he totally
just punched him in the face. Vince...blades on the first punch and he's
bleeding pretty well already. Undertaker dominates with mostly punching and
kicking, and Vince is bleeding buckets. Undertaker rips a monitor out of the
announce table and nails Vince with it after choking him with a cable. Blood all
over the place. UT throws Vince into the ring, then goes over to the gravesite
and grabs a shovel. Back in, DONG. Taker drops the steps on Vince's ankle. Vince
has made a gross, chunky mess on the ground with his head. Over to the grave
now, and Vince throws some dirt in Undertaker's face. Low blow! That's all he's
done so far. Vince grabs a shovel and knocks Undertaker into the grave.
Undertaker back up and he pulls Vince in. Undertaker heads over to the loader,
the door opens...and there's an explosion. Which...discourages the Undertaker?
And hey, it's KANE! Undertaker is in the grave, Vince is in the loader.
Kane reaches down and takes his bandana, then starts laughing and puts the
doorag in his pants. Vince dumps the dirt, and this match is over as Undertaker
has been buried alive. (12'00") I wish there was a higher power
watching over me so I'd have never had to see this match. That finish was
vintage Undertaker stupid. -
--Cole explains it in very plain terms, which just makes it seem even stupider. Back to JR and the King for the final match of the night, and JR touches on the buried alive match: "How perverse." Video package.
--WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - TRIPLE H (challenger, 272,
Greenwich, CT, with RIC FLAIR) v. GOLDBERG (champion, 280, Atlanta, GA): HHH
charges at Goldberg, but Goldberg spears him! Flair is distracting Hebner, but
Goldberg dumps Flair out and the bell rings. Goldberg is all over HHH as they go
to the floor. Back in, powerslam by Goldberg. Goldberg and Flair exchange
pleasantries. HHH comes back and smashes a chair over Goldberg's ankle on the
steps. HHH is in control inside, working on the ankle. They aren't really doing
much. Flair gets some cheap shots in. HHH with a goofy half-crab, Goldberg gets
the ropes. Goldberg goes for a slam on HHH, but HHH slides down and clips the
ankle. HHH goes for the figure-four, and Goldberg shoves him away, right into
Hebner. Second really obvious ref bump spot of the night. Flair tosses the brass
knux in - DONG. Cover, 2, kickout! HHH retrieves the sledgehammer, but Goldberg
drills him coming in. Flair's up top, what a bad idea. Goldberg launches Flair
off. Two clotheslines for Flair, Goldberg nails him with the hammer. Goldberg
eyes HHH, but here's BATISTA. Down goes Batista. Here's RANDY ORTON.
Down goes Randy Orton. Pedigree? Goldberg backdrops out! Goldberg grabs the
hammer...but then he thinks better of it and tosses it to the floor. He's set -
SPEAR! JACKHAMMER! 1, 2, 3! Goldberg retains, holy shit. (11'43")
There isn't much you can do to make Goldberg look better. The match itself was
remarkably similar to their injury-hampered one at Unforgiven.
Well, there was one amazing match here and one really stupid and bad one, and then the rest was pretty forgettable. They did some stuff right tonight, like putting Benoit and Cena over and making Goldberg look unstoppable, and showing weakness in Evolution. The Austin stuff was great. Kane and Shane is done with, at least. They gave the two champions a moment that planted a seed for the future. It wasn't all that great, but it was satisfying and at the least, we got one hellaciously awesome match out of it. So that's something.