AWWL Big Time Wrestling - 10.05.03
by Scott Christ
AWWL (All World Wrestling League) is a promotion based in Michigan, and they have a TV show here on WWMT every Sunday at 11am. I decided since I was awake at 11am this week for the first time since I found out about this thing a month ago or so, I'd watch it, and since I'm watching it, I'd do a thing here about it. Guys that came from the Michigan indies: CM Punk, Chris Sabin, Colt Cabana, uh. That's about it. Bobo Brazil Jr.
Also from what I understand, Kevin Sullivan is leading an invasion by the XWA. That probably stands for Xtreme Wrestling Alliance.
--The commercial that airs right before the show starts features Sabu, The Rock n' Roll Express, Kevin Sullivan, Monty Brown, and some horribly ugly women that I'm reminded not to forget. Why? I'd LIKE to forget that I ever saw them.
--Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into.
--Completely not live at all.
--Here's a white boy in a turban. He's apparently "The Voice of Violence" and Sabu's manager. He has a surprise for Kevin Sullivan and Devon Storm, who think they'll be facing some rookies, some punks. "It's gonna be awesome. Check it out." Checkitoutcheckitoutcheckitoutcheckitout.
--Our host at ringside is Paco Zimmer. I think he's white too.
--Mr. Excitement (Atlanta, GA) v. Blackjack Phoenix (with Rhonda, Dallas,
TX): Mr. Excitement looks similar to Elix Skipper and Blackjack Phoenix
looks similar to a fat cowboy in spandex. Who's that broad? His MOM? Is she
supposed to be HOT? Oh this poor man is not handsome or in shape. Mr. Excitement
takes the time to make light of Blackjack's jiggle, and they do some cheap heat
stuff for a while before we get started. The crowd likes the white cowboy more,
go figure. The crowd makes noise for moves and not so much between them. This is
also taped in a TV studio in front of maybe 100 people. MAYBE. Mr. Excitement
tells referee Art Mendez that he pulled his trunks. It should be noted
that Mr. Excitement is wrestling in a sleeveless shirt and track pants.
Excitement stalls a lot, then tells us that Blackjack is crazy, then wants to
quit, but Blackjack Phoenix will have none of that. Into the ring with a suplex,
off the ropes with a clothesline, turning Excitement inside out. Elbowdrop, fat
lazy cover, two count. Reverse neckbreaker from Blackjack. Headbutt to the
balls. This is REALLY bad. Excitement goes low to turn the tide. Paco Zimmer is
not very good at his job. Backflip into an avalanche. This is AWFUL. Oh man,
nice punches, Blackjack. Blackjack hits a superkick. Mr. Excitement bails again,
sits in the crowd for a second time, and asks the ref to get him something to
drink. Paco tells us that he's got word that Kevin Sullivan has arrived at the
studios. Mr. Excitement takes his shirt off, I don't know why he wore it to
begin with. Blackjack drops the straps to expose his tits and belly a little
more than they already were. Excitement with a back elbow, cover, pulls him up
at two. He goes for the backflip avalanche a second time, this time Blackjack
moves. The world's slowest reverse neckbreaker by Blackjack Phoenix, cover, two.
Off the ropes, legdrop, two. Another low blow by Excitement, he's up top,
crossbody hits. Art Mendez won't count because he used a low blow. Mr.
Excitement is not excited about THIS, and Mendez shoves him into a rolling
crucifix pin, that's it at 06'51". -
--XWA video spot featuring Kevin Sullivan and Devon Storm. I was right about what XWA stands for.
--Commercials.
--Sweet Daddy Martin (Lansing, MI) v. Truth Martini (Detroit, MI): I've heard of Truth Martini, at least. Sweet Daddy Martin has red track pants and a sleeveless U of Cincinnati shirt. Truth Martini is a skinny guy with a tattoo of Jesus being crucified on his abdomen, and Jesus' hands are at the nipples. Two guys want to start a "Truth" chant, it doesn't work out so well for them. Basic trading to start, at least these guys appear to know how to wrestle. Both guys are working as faces here, applauding each other. Side headlock takeover by Martini, and now Kevin Sullivan, Devon Storm, The Milwaukee Crusher, Mr. Hughes (yes) and Mr. Excitement are out. The match is apparently over at 01'30". Storm offers Sweet Daddy Martin a spot in the XWA group, and he takes it. Storm says the shirt is a little too big, and they beat Martin and Martini down. Sullivan has the mic. "Technical move! Technical move! Watch this technical move by..." And then he just puts the mic down and kicks Martin in the balls. They beat them up a lot and Sullivan gets a tree of woe in on Martin. Then The AWWL Commissioner comes out and fines them all $1,000 each. He's old and chubby. Eventually, they leave.
--Commercials.
--Guerilla Barone (somewhere in Montana, I think) v. Don Crisis (Tampa, FL): Okay. Seriously. Guerilla Barone appears to be Bastion Booger dressed in a Vader halloween costume that someone's aunt made, and Don Crisis is a hoodrat with a fro and a receding hairline. So this is a real attractive matchup. Crisis with a dropkick, but that's not really working and Guerilla Barone starts killing him. Then he just takes his Vader mask off and puts it in his pants. What the fuck IS this? Chokeslam bomb, cover, that's it at 01'09". DUD
--Here's a classic match between The Sheik and Louie Martinez in Toledo in 1983. The PBP guy here is really good, I have no idea who it is or anything. This is pretty great if you're old and/or like guys rubbing against each other. It ends with the Sheik hitting him with a foreign object in about three minutes.
--Oh shit! "Hey! This is Hawk! One-half of the Road Warriors! Remember us?! Let me tell ya somethin' - AWWL, this is big-time wrestling! Otherwise they couldn't afford me, do you understand?! Now let me tell you something, get that bag of POTATO CHIPS...OUTTA YER LAP. Get the BEER OUTTA YER LAP!" Little early, isn't it, Hawk? "Bring it on down to any AWWL show, eat it and drink it there. And watch ME ruin other wrestlers lives. Uhhhhhh what a rush."
--The Great Mongo, The Milwaukee Crusher & N8 Mattsen v. Alcatraz, Big
Jake & Brimstone: Mongo, Crusher and Mattsen are XWA guys, the other
ones aren't. Brimstone and Big Jake are cousins, Alcatraz is an escaped convict
or some shit. Who knows. Brimstone is fat. Brimstone and Jake are both tall. The
XWA guys jump on the AWWL guys to start, and it's a pier-sixer to start. They
take a billion years to set up an irish whip spot, then blah blah, and the AWWL
guys are left in the ring. "N8" starts with Brimstone. Now
"N8" isn't so happy to be starting. They're attempting to wrestle,
they aren't succeeding well. Tag to Mongo. Too bad it's not the real Mongo.
These guys loooove the vertical suplex. Crusher in, he tries to slam Brimstone,
but he can't hold him up. The heels are dominating Brimstone. Alcatraz gets the
hot tag, guess what he goes with on Mongo? That's right, the VERTICAL
MOTHERFUCKING SUPLES, BABY! Alcatraz is on fire, but it doesn't take long for
him to stop. Alcatraz gets a sunset flip on Crusher, two count. Tag to Mongo.
Mongo spits at the tall guys, which allows the heels to cheat. Baseball slide to
the (base)balls. "N8" is in now. Big Jake gets the tag but the ref
didn't see it. This is STUPID and BAD. Double clothesline, here it comes...here
it comes...maybe?...today, fellas...tags to Jake and Crusher! He's throwing some
awful clotheslines and gets a slam on Crusher. OH FUCK THE ROSEY MOVE ON MONGO!
HE'LL BE WITH TNA IN NO TIME! "N8" takes a double chokeslam from Jake
and Brimstone. Alcatraz gets a German suplex on "N8" for the win at 10'20".
He wasn't legal. God, how to rate that? -?
--Commercials.
--Sullivan and Storm are out, along with their crew of henchmen. Sullivan says they want to introduce their new member. And it is...Monty Brown. "Gawdziller himself!" says Sullivan. Brown has the contract in his hand. Wow Sullivan is really overdoing this. They hand him the shirt, and he...might take it. And he does! Paco Zimmer is beside himself. Oh but it was a ruse! Monty Brown is taking out everyone! But there's a lot of them! And they overwhelm him. Here come Sabu and Balls Mahoney! This boils down to our main event.
--Kevin Sullivan & Devon Storm v. Sabu & Balls Mahoney: Sabu is wearing a cast on his left arm, they say he had surgery a few weeks ago on his bicep. I'll buy it. Sullivan and Balls fight outside, Storm and Sabu fight inside. Sullivan and Balls fight to the back, Storm and Sabu fight inside. Sullivan and Balls come back, Storm and Sabu fight inside. Sabu does some of his moves (Arabian Facebuster, Air Sabu, springboard leg lariat), Sullivan uses the pick on Balls, who blades, and then it ends with them still brawling at 04'53". That's super!
This stuff is REALLY bad. When I happen to be awake, I'll watch it and do this, but I'm not going out of my way for it.