WWE SummerSlam 2003
by Scott Christ

Oh man. Summerslaaaaaaaam.

--Live on August 24, 2003 from the America West Arena in Phoenix.

--For SmackDown!, Michael Cole and Tazz!

--We're on Heat, and Matt Hardy Version 1.0 has made his way to the ring. Matt says Zach Gowen still has two good arms, and should've been here. Matt says Gowen doesn't belong in the WWE. Matt takes the victory via forfeit.

--Heat Match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship - Rey Misterio Jr. (champion, 175, San Diego, CA) v. Shannon Moore (challenger, 209, Raleigh, NC): Circle around to start, Shannon taunts, Rey gets some rights. Off the ropes, kick to the gut. Back suplex, Rey flips out, spinning headscissors. To the corner, Moore with boots up. Rey comes back, Shannon with a hiptoss into the turnbuckles, that was pretty cool. Back suplex, cover, two. Sunset flip, Rey rolls through, seated dropkick. To the apron, springboard senton from Misterio. Shannon up top, corkscrew bodyblock for two. Shannon throws a tantrum. Off the ropes, Misterio tries to get through the legs, Shannon blocks. Shannon into the ropes, though - 619! Up top, pretty terrible West Coast Pop finishes it at 02'02". This was useless but I appreciate their athletic ability!

--Here we go to the Raw commentators, Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. Here's some Elimination Chamber hype. Whoa. That's some hype. Evolution arrives in a limo as we close Heat.

--If I got a problem, yo, channel 801'll solve it.

--The United States Marine Corps Color Guard from Phoenix is here to hold some flags. Lilian Garcia is here to sing "America the Beautiful." The Fink is here, obviously, to fuck shit up.

--Summerslam video intro. I think I'm going to get a shark getting F5'd but instead I get this goddamn awesome video about the loss of honor, the loss of sanity and the death of humanity. Also, the Elimination Chamber was fashioned by sadists, built by rogues and designed by the devil himself. Man. Suuuuuuuuuummerrrrrrrrrrrslaaaaaaaaaam.

--JR and the King do some hype. Michael and Tazz do some hype. Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera probably do, but I don't know spanish.

--World Tag Team Title Match - The Dudley Boyz (challengers, 543, New York, NY) v. La Resistance (champions, 507, Paris, France): The Dudleys' chyron said Spike was with them, but he's not. Bubba and D-Von attack the French guys in the aisle. D-Von starts with I think that's Grenier in the ring. JR goes over the Dudleys' 16 tag team title reigns. The crowd wants tables already, but Dupree loudly disagrees while standing on the apron. D-Von with a legdrop, cover, two. Tag to Bubba. Grenier in the tree of woe, Bubba stands on his nuts. The Dudleys are so cute now. They used to fuck people up and break their fucking necks and now they stand on your balls and imitate Dusty Rhodes. Dudleys clean house, the crowd is pretty hyped. Bubba seems particularly excited that someone cares. Dupree dropping 'bows, cover, two. Tag to Grenier. Grenier does junk, tag back to Dupree, who gets a bearhug. JR seems a bit intrigued that he's going for a bearhug. Bubba headbutts out. This crowd is superhot. Nice spinebuster from Dupree, two count, pin broken by D-Von. Bubba Bomb! Hot tag to D-Von, backdrop for Dupree, neckbreaker for Grenier, Grenier thrown out, powerslam on Dupree, two count. Flying clothesline from D-Von. Grenier catches him on the apron, Dupree hits Grenier as D-Von moves, roll-up, two. Bubba can't get back in. La Resistance hit their finisher, D-Von kicks out at two. Bubba back in now - flip flop n' fly on Dupree, slam on Grenier. WHASSUUUUUUUUUP. They're so cute, these Dudleys. Headbutt hits. 3D!! Cover, two, Grenier pulls Nick Patrick out of the ring. Oh goodness a cameraman has hit D-Von with a camera. Dupree has the cover, three at 07'49". Great. This match was better than I expected, honestly. The cameraman, who is of course that phony serviceman who doesn't have a name, does more numbers on everyone until Spike Dudley runs out. Then they just beat up Spike too. 1/4

Post-match, Jonathan Coachman stops the Dudleys in the aisle. Coach says they have to admit they were pretty clever. Bubba throws a fit and says people who don't like America suck. Seriously. He said that. I'm not just making something hilarious by simplifying it into the language of a 14-year old.

--Backstage, Eric Bischoff is warming up. Christian introduces himself to Bischoff, then speaks his mind about how mad he is about not having a match at Summerslam. Bischoff blames Austin, and then tries to get back to warming up. Christian offers his services, but Bischoff has a backup plan in place. Bischoff gets back to warming up again, Christian interrupts again. He wants to know how Linda McMahon was in the sack. During the rape. Er the uh. Pleasing. Bischoff will let us all know later on.

--Michael Cole and Tazz don't want to know about Bischoff and Linda McMahon. Oh good, coming up next:

--The Undertaker (305, Houston, TX) v. A-Train (350, Boston, MA, with Sable): Tie-up, A-Train works him into the corner. Undertaker is shucking and jiving and being in love with MMA. I can deal with that. Undertaker his bad ribs, in case you're unaware. Undertaker dodges an elbowdrop. A-Train wins a shoulderblock contest, Undertaker comes back with some strikes and a russian legsweep. A-Train with some more offense, Undertaker gets the big comeback DDT under two minutes into the match. Undertaker working A-Train's left shoulder, but A-Train fights back. Undertaker with a jumping clothesline, back to the shoulder. Undertaker up top - Old School. Undertaker telegraphs a backdrop, A-Train with a kick. Undertaker charges, dropped to the floor. Back in, A-Train on the advantage and targeting the ribs. Undertaker coming back with back elbows, haymaker, A-Train back to the ribs. Undertaker gets a sleeper to a pop, A-Train with a back suplex. Both down from something but I was talking to Feely. I don't want to rewind. Sorry, man. Anyhoo, trading rights now. Undertaker with a whip to the ropes. Big boot! Legdrop! One, two, NO. Undertaker finally throws his bandana off. Nice of A-Train to go drape himself over the apron for a legdrop there. Ooh, and he backed into the corner so Undertaker could hit two running clotheslines. God, A-Train is so nice. Undertaker sets for the Last Ride, not happening. Brian Hebner is down. Derailer! Hebner back, cover, two, NO! A-Train ducks a clothesline, and Brian Hebner takes a hellacious bump on it. A-Train puts Taker down, and gets a chair. Big boot into the chair! It's no punching the chair. Hebner back, cover, twooo, nooo. Undertaker going for the tombstone, A-Train reverses. Clothesline misses - CHOKESLAM! One, two, three at 09'19". So that's great. After the match, Undertaker goes for the Last Ride, but Sable strokes his undead chest. Undertaker grabs her by the throat - and here comes Stephanie McMahon. No limp, but ENORMOUS FUCKING TITS. What's she DOING with those. Stephanie mounts and pummels until A-Train pulls Sable out. This could've been worse. It also could've been a Haas & Benjamin match. 1/2

--Pick up Brock Lesnar: Here Comes the Pain on DVD or home video.

--Chris Jericho is warming up. Jonathan Coachman is talking about him warming up. Oh, Coach is ringside with Gary and, uh, Gary's lady. Gary's lady says Goldberg will win. Gary agrees. Oh hell, coming up next:

--Bischoff makes his way to the ring and takes the mic. Before he addresses what happened in Linda's home, he wants to address Vince. Eric wants to know why Vince is all over the country eating hamburger when he has a "hot, juicy, delicious filet mignon" at home. Eric apparently went a billion times. Well here comes Shane, thank god.

--Eric Bischoff (weightless, homeless) v. Shane McMahon (235, Greenwich, CT): Am I really supposed to buy Shane at 235? Shane charges and destroys Bischoff in the corner. Crossface strikes from Shane in the center of the ring, Bischoff bails. Kick to the ribs from Shane, who looks to be stiffing him a lot. I guess that's what you get for raping Shane's mom. Shane with the worst back kick I've ever seen in my entire life, then tosses Bischoff into the security wall. Shane...goes for the shuffle punchin', but sticks Bischoff with a left jab and Bischoff just falls over. Into the SmackDown! announce table, Shane standing over him - WTF Jonathan Coachman just hit Shane with a chair. Another chairshot. The referee is calling for the bell, but Bischoff has the mic. He makes it a no-disqualification, falls count anywhere match. Bischoff calls Shane a piece of shit, and Coach throws Shane into the steps. Cover, two, kickout. Shane with a right on Coach, but it doesn't matter. Into the ring, what the fuck is going on. Coach holds Shane up, Eric calls him the greatest announcer ever, and I want to fart. Bischoff has the production truck cut JR and King's mics off. This sucks. Coach has the mic and repeats JR phrases as Bischoff kicks Shane. This is dying. Shane comes back, kicking Bischoff in the gut, elbowing Coach, and hitting a DDT on Bischoff. Low blow from Coach. This is asinine and THANK GOD here comes Stone Cold Steve Austin. Coach cuts him off and says he doesn't work for him, he works for Bischoff. Coach says Austin can't touch him unless he's physically provoked, which he doesn't plan to help him with. Shane shoves Coach into Austin, and I guess that's enough. Right hand, Coach falls too fast, stomps are fucked up, Austin is mad and throws him in the corner and stomps the hell out of him and kicks him in the spine. Shane joins in. Man they're really beating the hell out of him. Off the ropes, double elbow. Austin throws Coach out of the ring. Austin grabs the mic and gets their mics turned back on. Austin goes to leave, but Shane stops him. Shane picks Bischoff up and makes Bischoff slap Austin. Double-bird, kick, STUNNER. Shane covers, two, pulls him up. Shane goes out and dismantles the Spanish announce table. Shane up top - flying elbow through the table! One, two, three at 10'32". Bischoff is bleeding from the back of the head, Austin helps Shane up, and they have some Steveweisers. This was really awful. -

--Wrestlemania Recall: The boyhood dream coming true for Shawn Michaels.

--Kevin Nash is getting ready for the Elimination Chamber.

--Ric Flair and Randy Orton are having a discussion about Orton's role in the match. Orton is fine with it, but what if? There's no what if. Triple H reassures him that there is no what if.

--Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE United States Championship - Chris Benoit (challenger, 229, Edmonton, AB) v. Tajiri (challenger, 206, Japan) v. Rhyno (challenger, 275, Detroit, MI) v. Eddy Guerrero (champion, 228, El Paso, TX): This is tornado rules, everyone is in at all times. Eddy rides in with a very, very, very Mexican low rider convertible. It's so Mexican it almost makes me cooler. Eddy bails as soon as it starts. Benoit tosses Tajiri, Rhyno attacks Benoit. Hard knockdown, Rhyno asks who the man is. Benoit gets the crossface, Eddy runs in and breaks it. Then runs back out when Tajiri comes back. Stiff kick on Rhyno. Hard bodyslam on Benoit. Knee to the face, two count, Guerrero breaks the pin and runs away again. Rhyno charges the corner, Tajiri with a boot up. Out of the corner, clothesline. Cover, Eddy breaks. Benoit gets hold of Eddy with a chop and a hard slam. Rhyno knocks Eddy down with a right. Tajiri with a spinning heel kick. Eddy demands that Benoit chop him, so he does. Cover, two. Rhyno stomps away in the corner on Benoit, turns around and Eddy takes over on him. Whip to the corner reversed - running shoulderblock. Cover, Benoit breaks it. Benoit with a snap suplex on Rhyno, apparently it was "vintage," according to Tazz. Benoit and Tajiri at it ring now. Back suplex, cover, Eddy breaks. Eddy tosses Rhyno and the crowd chants "Ed-dy." Eddy and Tajiri alone in the ring - chop, Tajiri down. Tajiri with a monkey flip and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, Rhyno breaks the pin. Michael Cole is being really annoying and it's just because he keeps repeating himself. NAME REALIZING HE COULD'VE WON THE MATCH. Rhyno picks Benoit up and springs across the ring to drive him into the corner. Cover, Benoit's foot on the rope and Rhyno kicks Eddy anyway. Eddy up top - Rhyno gets a superplex. Cover, two, Tajiri breaks. Hard kick from Tajiri on Rhyno. Another. Cover, two. Benoit up again, telegraphs a backdrop. Tajiri misses a spin kick, off the ropes, handspring elbow hits. Cover, two. Tajiri thrown out by Eddy, Rhyno sneaks in with a back suplex for two. Eddy with a spinning headscissors, the "Ed-dy" chant picks up again. Eddy with a wristlock 'rana on Benoit, two count. Rhyno's back and kicking and chopping things. Benoit getting some chops in on Rhyno. Whip to the corner, Rhyno comes out with a big right hand. Eddy tosses Rhyno, Benoit's out, and Tajiri is in with Eddy. Looking for a victory roll, perhaps, no go. Eddy with the Lasso from El Paso on Tajiri. Rhyno sneaks in - Benoit's behind him, crossface on! Good little thing, this. Tajiri reaches the ropes, so Eddy dropkicks Benoit in the face. Eddy gets Benoit up - crossface on Eddy! Guerrero close to tapping, Rhyno breaks it. Tajiri helps. Rhyno has Tajiri, power bomb doesn't go, and Rhyno gets a spinebuster for two. Dropkick from Benoit, Rhyno and Eddy are out now. Rhyno on the apron, Tajiri's handspring knocks him off. Benoit swoops in, two German suplexes. Eddy runs in, gets backdropped on the third attempt, and Tajiri reverses with a beautiful bridging German suplex. Cover, two, no. Tajiri and Benoit alone again, chop from Tajiri. Benoit charges the corner, Tajiri is up, tarantula! Eddy has the belt - GOOOOORE! But Eddy used it as a shield, and Rhyno is down. Eddy up top, Tajiri kicks him off to the floor. Tajiri up top now, Benoit crotches him and Tajiri falls into the tree of woe. Benoit up top kind of on Tajiri - flying headbutt hits on Rhyno! One, two, Tajiri breaks! Buzzsaw kick misses, Benoit goes for a power bomb, Tajiri tries to 'rana, both go to the floor. Guerrero up top - frog splash to Rhyno! One, two, three at 10'49". A little shorter than you'd want but this was great. There was not a single break in the action here, which you can do with four guys in at once. Also it was nice to see wrestlers wrestling for a wrestling title and then getting a clean finish. 3/4

--Shawn Michaels is getting ready.

--Michael Cole thanks Metallica and says the song ROCKS. Tazz gives them big ups. Dorks. Let's take you back to Thursday on SmackDown!, when Brock Lesnar murdered Zach Gowen with his bare hands and also a steel chair. Zach Gowen's leg is broken in two places, he's out indefinitely. That's too bad. Michael Cole is disgusted with Matt Hardy for his actions on Heat. Let's take a look back at that. Video package, and a good one that makes me totally excited to see the match. Those are the best kind.

--WWE Championship Match - Brock Lesnar (challenger, 295, Minneapolis, MN) v. Kurt Angle (champion, 237, Pittsburgh, PA): Mike Chioda brings both men to mid-ring for pre-match instructions and a handshake, which doesn't happen. Lesnar's head looks puffy. Collar-and-elbow, Lesnar is stronger. Angle with a go-behind, waistlock takedown into a headlock. Reversal by Lesnar into a hammerlock. Angle gets out and reverses, Lesnar just gets out and backs away. Nice takedown by Angle, side headlock. More grappling, both men up again. Collar-and-elbow, Lesnar is stronger. Tazz is really enjoying calling this match. Another collar-and-elbow, Lesnar remains stronger. Angle goes behind and shoves Brock in the back of the head, which pisses Lesnar off. Three quick armdrags by Angle, Lesnar retreats to the floor, throws a monitor and beats the hell out of the stairs. Brock grabs the title - "This is my fuckin' title!" Michael Cole: "Brock Lesnar saying that that's his WWE title!" Lesnar baits Angle into the aisle now, but Angle takes over. Back in, Lesnar charges the corner, Angle moves, overhead belly-to-belly! Two count. Lesnar gets his wits about him, press slam to the floor. Brock shoves Angle into the steps, now we're back in. Bearhug by Lesnar, then he just powers him right over with a throw from there. Press slam, Angle slips down, off the ropes, roll-up, two! Lesnar with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker out of nowhere. Lesnar gets a rear naked choke. Release of that, Brock has a bodyscissors. The crowd gets behind Angle, off the ropes, Lesnar with a kneelift. Side backbreaker. Angle with another burst of energy, but Lesnar clotheslines him down. Brock cradles the leg, hanging fisherman suplex. Cover, two, no. Series of shoulderblocks in the corner, Lesnar gets a clinch in the corner on Angle. Angle gets out, right hands, but Brock just puts him back on the mat. Lesnar seems to be bleeding a very small bit from the nose. More shoulderblocks. Whip to the other side, Angle moves, Lesnar shoulderblocks the ringpost instead. Angle with a big shoulderblock, and chops him down with a dropkick to the back of the knee. Angle with rights, Lesnar with a kneelift. Angle with a forearm. German suplex! German suplex! German suplex! and Brock's shoulder is hurting. Cover, two, no. Angle looks for an irish whip, Lesnar gets an overhead belly-to-belly. Angle Slam is countered, Lesnar with a spinebuster, TWO. Audible call for a DDT with both men down. Lesnar sets for the F5, Angle looks for the DDT counter, but it doesn't happen. Tazz and Cole try to cover when you could just say "Brock made a mistake in execution." I don't see what's so wrong with saying someone didn't do their move right when it's not a complete farce. They redo the F5 -> DDT spot, it works, it gets two. Straps come down! Angle Slam! Cover, two, thr--noooo. Angle pulls the straps up so he can pull them back down, how cute. Ankle lock! Cole shouts for Angle to break Lesnar's damn ankle. Lesnar gets the ropes, but Angle pulls him back, and I guess that's just okay. God I hate that. Lesnar reverses by rolling over, sending Angle into Chioda. Angle is now upside down on Lesnar's back, sort of having a bit of a triangle choke. Angle gets the ankle lock on again out of that. Waiting now. Everyone's just waiting now. There it is - here's Vince McMahon. Vince nails Angle with a chair to the back. He decides he'll stay at ringside because I couldn't have lived without him. Lesnar up first but the leg is in bad shape. Kick to the gut, Lesnar hopping on one leg, F5! That looked pretty great. Cover, Chioda struggles over - one. two. Angle kicks out! Lesnar is upset. Vince is upset. Vince tells him to hit it again. F5 again, Angle lands on his feeet, picks the ankle, ankle lock is on again! Lesnar gets the ropes, but he's just pulled off. Again. Again. Lesnar taps out at 21'17". Well that was a pretty great match but I really don't like the no break on the ropes crap. I realize you have up to five, right, but it's the idea that you have to break it and the guy can move or something. I don't know. Who cares but me? But still. I also find it somewhat strange that they build monster Brock for a month, and not just to have him lose, but to have him tap out. Sure he can come back, but it's a bit strange. Post-match, Vince sneaks up behind Angle with a chair, misses, and Angle gets the Angle Slam on Vince on the opened chair. I thought this match was actually slightly better than their Wrestlemania match.

--Buy the Shawn Michaels Fanatix PPV.

--Goldberg listens to some bitchin' tunes and gets warm.

--At ringside: Arizona Diamondbacks Luis Gonzalez and Carlos Baerga.

--Here's the winner of the Diva search, Jamie Koeppe. She's not even cute.

--The Fink has been informed that this match is now no-holds barred.

--No Holds Barred Match - Kane (320, parts unknown) v. Rob Van Dam (220, Battle Creek, MI): JR says RVD is the greatest superstar to have never been WWE champion. Or world heavyweight champion I guess. Kane tosses Van Dam to the floor pretty quickly. Like, in under 30 seconds. Gone in 30 Seconds. Hahahaha. Boy. On the floor, Kane is punching, and now whipping, and now charging. Van Dam off the security wall, moonsault bodyblock. RVD with rights, Kane gets a shot in. One Kane shot is equal to 17 RVD punches. Kane gets a ladder out at about 01'30" into the match. Kane dragging it into the ring, RVD jumps on it, sending it crashing into Kane's chin. RVD off the top with a flying kick. Goes for rolling thunder, Kane grabs for the chokeslam. Van Dam kicks the arm down. Crossbody collision sends both to the floor again. JR is off on a tangent while Kane sets the steps up. Back in now, Van Dam with a kick. Shoulderblocks in the corner, backflip, duck, spinning kick from RVD. Corkscrew legdrop, one count. Rights from Van Dam, whip is reversed, RVD gets his elbow up on the corner charge. Van Dam up top, shoved to the floor, and he hits the steps that Kane set up against the wall. How lucky. Kane has the ladder again. Okay, Rob, get up. And he does! And Kane hits him with the ladder. Kane puts RVD back inside, cover, two. This has remarkably little heat considering that this crowd has been very good, that RVD is always over, that Kane has been pushed so hard, and that this match has been advertised for a while. Kane is stomping and kicking. RVD with a kick, charge, backdropped to the apron, knocked off. Kane up top. And he falls. He just sorta slips on the rope and nearly tangles himself. He gets back quickly, jumps, and Van Dam moves. I just feel bad for Kane. I feel bad for this match. Kane spikes RVD with a DDT on the floor. Kane has the steps - Van Dam trips him, Kane crashes face-first into the steel. Six dorks chant "ECDub" and RVD dropkicks Kane over the wall. The old man right there has been having a fine time all night. Kane tries to step over the wall, RVD kicks a leg out, and his balls have been smashed. Kane draped, Van Dam on the apron, corkscrew legdrop hits. The same six dorks are at it again. RVD goes over to the SmackDown! table and grabs a chair. Tazz is unsure of what to think, it appears. Spinning heel kick from RVD in the ring, Kane's down. Chair on top of Kane, rolling thunder connects. Kane sits up, Van Dam dropkicks the chair into the face. JR calls it the Van Terminator. Kane sitting in the corner, RVD is setting up. Good for him - Van Terminator misses. JR pretends it hit. King picks up that Kane moved. Kane on the floor, Van Dam off the apron, caught, and there's a Tombstone "on" the steps. That was worse than the one on Linda. Kane sits up, brings RVD back in, the six dorks chant, cover, two, three at 12'49". Sloppy and largely heatless. Maybe this Kane push is not a good idea because he's Kane. 1/2

--Backstage, Eric Bischoff has blood and lumps on his face. Terri Runnels is trying to ask him questions, Bischoff makes her leave. There's Linda McMahon. They exchange a hello. Linda is now with Bischoff. Bischoff is surprised. She "slaps" him. And that's it. Revenge is Linda's!

--Triple H sits with his belt. Ric Flair tells him he's the best wrestler in the world today, and that he's not saying goodbye to the belt. It's time. Video package.

--Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship - Randy Orton (challenger, 240, St. Louis, MO) v. Kevin Nash (challenger, 305, Detroit, MI) v. Triple H (champion, 272, Greenwich, CT, with Ric Flair) v. Goldberg (challenger, 280, Atlanta, GA) v. Chris Jericho (challenger, 227, Winnipeg, MB) v. Shawn Michaels (challenger, 225, San Antonio, TX): Goldberg is insanely over, HHH is wearing compression shorts and goofy pants for his groin, and Jericho and Michaels are starting, of course. Collar-and-elbow, break. Collar-and-elbow, side headlock from Jericho. Trade of hammerlocks, Michaels elbows out of the third. Shoulderblock, off the ropes, spinning crossbody for two by Michaels. Backslide gets two. "Goldberg" chants are almost retro loud. Sunset flip by Michaels, Jericho sits, two. Michaels counters it, two. Slap from Jericho, slap from Michaels. Inside cradle by Shawn gets two. Jericho turns the tide, and the countdown is on. Third entrant is Randy Orton. Orton sprints up top - frog crossbody on Michaels for two. Nice dropkick on Shawn. Orton clotheslines him over to the grating. Jericho with hard chops on Orton. Orton gets a neck/backbreaker, Shawn is back in the fight. Enzuigiri from Jericho on Shawn, two count. Orton with a dropkick on Jericho. Orton going for the RKO on Michaels, shoved off into a backdrop by Jericho to the steel. Walls of Jericho is sort of on Shawn, and the countdown is on again. Kevin Nash is in. Nash goes right for Orton, but Orton slips before Nash throws him into the chains. Clothesline on Jericho to the steel. Nash picks Jericho up and rams Jericho's head into the chains two times. Orton on Michaels inside, Nash working Jericho's face on the chains, so blood is a-comin'. Nash turns his attention to Orton - sidewalk slam, cover, two. Jericho has bladed. Nash helps Shawn up and drills him with a short-arm clothesline. Clothesline ducked, back elbow ducked, forearm shiver not ducked. Big boot on Jericho. Nash sets for the jackknife power bomb on Jericho, Shawn superkicks Nash, Jericho cradles Nash's legs, and Nash is gone at 08'05". All three men down, Nash is still not out of there. Countdown is on again - fifth entry is Triple H. HHH talks trash toward Goldberg before stepping out, and Shawn nails him with the superkick to send him back into the chamber. Nash is still there - jackknife on Jericho! Jackknife on Orton! Michaels is bleeding now, and all three men are down. Michaels crawls over to Orton - one, two, foot on the ropes. Crawls over to Jericho, same result. Shawn up first, the heels up right after. Shawn with a right on Orton. Orton fires back. Jericho and Shawn tie on their efforts. Orton puts Jericho down, Michaels puts Orton down, Michaels falls. Countdown is on as we await the entrance of Goldberg. HERE WE GO! Goldberg is just absolutely destroying everyone with right hands. Gorilla press on Orton - SPINEBUSTER! Goddamn. Jericho and Michaels find they have to team up, but Goldberg runs them over with a double clothesline. Set now - SPEAR ON ORTON! Cover, two, three at 13'01", Randy Orton is out. Jericho hits a missile dropkick on Goldberg for one. Gorilla press on Jericho - tossed over the ropes to the chain! Shawn waits on Goldberg. Whip to the corner is reversed, Flair flip. Goldberg turns to Jericho again on the steel. Oh man - SPEAR THROUGH THE CHAMBER DOOR! The crowd is just absolutely nuts for this. Back in the ring, Michaels has taken advantage. Up top, flying elbow hits. Shawn tunes up the band - superkick is ducked, SPEAR! Goldberg points to HHH, jackhammer on Shawn! Shawn is eliminated at 15'20". Spear on Jericho! Jackhammer! Jericho's gone at 16'05", and we're down to two. Flair closes HHH's chamber door. Goldberg doesn't care, he just fucking kicks it in because he's the motherfucking terminator right now. Right hands from Goldberg, the chants are still going. Goldberg fires HHH into the chains, so HHH has been in the match for about two minutes, and has bladed. HHH turns the tide and everyone boos the piss out of it. HHH with rights, whip is a no go, clothesline from Goldberg. Into the ring now, and Goldberg is set. Hey wait a minute. Spear? No, HHH hits him with the sledgehammer and pins him at 19'14" to retain. Just fuck off. They beat him down and he blades, and sure, it's all pretty well-done, but it's the wrong thing to do well. I don't wanna talk about it or most of the rest of this show. As far as the match goes, it was nowhere near last year's, but they did their best with these six guys. They got Nash out early and just let Goldberg be a machine.

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