WWE WrestleMania XIX (03/30/03)
by Scott Christ
--Live on March 30, 2003 from Safeco Field in Seattle, Washington.
--Your Sunday Night Heat hosts were Jonathan Coachman and Lita. They take us into the first match of the evening, called by Raw's Jim Ross and The King.
--World Tag Team Title Match - Sean Morley & Lance Storm (champions,
with the Dudley Boyz) v. Rob Van Dam & Kane (challengers): What a cool,
enormous aisle. The champs rush RVD and Kane to start. Kane dumps Storm, and RVD
and Morley start off legally. RVD puts Morley down, but the other heels pull him
out of the way of rolling thunder. Van Dam with a somersault plancha on Morley
and Storm, and then he calls for Kane to take to the air, which he does with a
slingshot plancha. Kane is EXCITED. Here comes our last commercial break. Now
we're back. Morley is putting the hurt on Van Dam in the corner, whip to the
other side, clothesline. One, two, no. JR says that RVD has really been isolated
during the break, that's helpful. Countdown to Wrestlemania graphic, yeehaw.
Morley with a sleeper, but RVD reverses. That leads to a power bomb from Morley,
and then he goes up to the second rope. Elbow misses! Hot tag to Kane, and he's
cleaning some house. Backdrop on Morley, side slam on Storm, CHOKESLAM on Storm,
no. Tilt-a-whirl slam! One, two, kickout. Kane up top, flying clothesline!
Morley breaks the pin WHAM Van Dam flies across the ring with a kick to Morley.
Storm whipped into Morley in the corner, Kane clotheslines both. RVD with a spin
kick on Storm and a monkey flip out of the corner on Morley. Morley dumped out,
CHOKESLAM on Storm! Tag to RVD! The crowd is up and wants this. Van Dam up top,
Morley shoves him off to the floor. Kane takes it to Morley outside and IN THE
RING 3D ON LANCE STORM! 3D! 3D! WOOOO. D-Von rolls RVD in the ring, and he
covers...but Bubba drops an elbow on RVD and puts Storm on top. One, two, three
at 05'43" (aired, anyway, add a couple minutes for that break). Boy,
whatever to that, thought it was a decent enough match.
--One last Rock v. Austin package on Heat before we head to the PPV.
--Now we're at the PPV.
--Here to sing "America the Beautiful" is Ashanti. I saw her sing the anthem at the Jones-Ruiz fight and we all agree that she's got the singing ability of the good singer at your high school. Earlier tonight on Heat, she said she's never been to a wrestling match but she likes Hulk Hogan, so I've already got problems with her. Over the song we get lots of clips of the Allied Powers in Iraq. Hahahaha Lex Luger and Davey Boy, see. Ho ho ho.
--Lots of dramatic clips of everyone warming up and talking about the grandest stage of them all, which gives me the goosebumps because well, I can't help it.
--PYRO PYROOOO and terrible, terrible Limp Bizkit. But man, pyro. Welcome To Safeco Field. FOUL POLE. JR and The King welcome us to Wrestlemania XIX, and JR says it's his tenth Wrestlemania and he's just as excited now as he was in 1993. I would hope he's a little MORE excited. JR sends us down to Michael Cole and Tazz from Smackdown, who are up for the first match.
--WWE Cruiserweight Title Match - Rey Misterio Jr. (challenger) v. Matt
Hardy v1.0 (champion, with Shannon Moore): Rey has a Daredevil outfit (I
really only know that because my friends know comic books and also movies based
on comic books), which I think is in poor taste for Wrestlemania. Mostly because
it's ugly. MATT FACT: Matt is appearing in his 4th Wrestlemania. MATT FACT: Matt
often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him. Shannon distracts Rey to
start, but it doesn't work as Rey counters Matt's charge with a backdrop out to
the floor. Twisting plancha to the floor onto both Matt and Shannon, and Rey
brings it back in for two. Headscissors out of the corner from Rey, and Matt
bails to the apron. Rey goes for a sunset flip power bomb, but Matt hangs on and
Shannon runs in. Matt drops Rey across the security wall. Back in, Matt with
that move that I don't know the name of unless they say it. Matt with a choke on
the ropes, and with the referee distracted, Shannon gets one of his own.
Misterio springboards off the second rope, Matt with a kick, twist of fate,
blocked, rolling prawn hold, two. To the corner, Rey kicks up, but he's caught
on the way down in the side effect for two. Snapmare and Matt goes into a
surfboard. Cole says Ashanti was "kickin'.' It's times like these I wonder
why I like Michael Cole now. Matt with a chop in the corner, whip to the other
side, charge, Rey gets the boot up. Matt charges, Rey moves, and Hardy's
shoulder slams into the post. Rey with a springboard off the top into a
non-twisting Molly-go-round. Two count for Rey. Spinning headscissors! Tornado
DDT in the center of the ring, two count. Rey dekes Matt out and drops in
throat-first onto the middle rope. Setting up for the 619, but Shannon trips
him. Twist of fate! One, two, kickout! Up top, Matt's going for splash mountain,
but it's reversed into a huracanrana! Misterio covers, two, Shannon Moore puts
the foot on the rope. Rey gets Shannon on the apron, and Matt runs into him
(Shannon). 619! West Coast Pop is ducked, Rey goes for a victory roll, but Matt
counters and uses the ropes on his pin attempt, one, two, three at 05'38".
Well that's just ridiculous. There was really no reason to put Matt over there
in the opening match of Wrestlemania, plus five minutes? This didn't have time
to be anything but buzz moves and Shannon Moore interference.
--A limo arrives with the license plate CATFIGHT GIRLS. So out steps Kevin Nash! Haha, no, it's the Miller Catfight Girls. They sure have big boobs! Brunette says McMahon-Hogan and blonde says Stone Cold-The Rock. Ugh.
--Let's take you back to Heat, when Nunzio stole Nathan Jones' wallet and then Big Show and A-Train laid him out in the bathroom while someone else pooped, and now Undertaker has no partner. All of this is cute code for them being frightened of putting Nathan Jones on a stage this big and having him embarrass himself and them, which might be a sign that maybe he shouldn't have a fucking job.
--The ring announcer welcomes Limp Bizkit as "the WWE's favorite band in the whole world," which maybe goes to show how ridiculously out-of-touch they are. Head from Korn is playing guitar, as well as some guy from Snot, according to Brent. They're doing Rollin'. The Rollin' Dancers are there. Some retard in a baby blue wigger suit is doing some queer break-dancing crap. God fuck this. This plays out The Undertaker at least.
--Handicap Match - The Undertaker v. A-Train & The Big Show:
A-Train fiddles with Undertaker's bike and spits on it. Oh my, it must really be
on now. Big Show charges from behind, but that doesn't work. A-Train gets
chokeslammed! One, two, Big Show pulls Undertaker to the floor. A-Train demands
that Big Show kick Undertaker's ass, so he runs and SHOVES him! Wow! A-Train is
still insistent that Big Show kick Undertaker's ass, however, even after that
poor display. Undertaker sticks and moves. Tag to A-Train. Shoulderblock puts
Undertaker down. Hiptoss from Undertaker. Cole mentions that Undertaker has
dedicated this match to his nephew, who is fighting in Iraq, and Tazz says that
if went sent Undertaker over there, we'd be kicking ass. There's something wrong
with that but I don't really care. Big Show works on Undertaker outside while
A-Train distracts the referee. Decapitator from A-Train, cover, two. Tag to Big
Show, who doesn't fare so well, but AHHHHHTHECHOKESLAM but it's reversed into a
Fujiwara armbar. A-Train gets in, but he's caught in a cross armbreaker. Big
Show drops a big, fat leg on Undertaker to break that up. Big, fat headbutt. And
another. And a third. Now Big Show puts on an abdominal stretch. A-Train lends
some help with the pulling from the apron. Tag to A-Train. Abdominal stretch
from him now, but Undertaker fights out and puts on his own abdominal stretch!
Out of that, thank god, and Undertaker gets a gutwrench suplex. Clothesline from
A-Train, two count. A-Train yells hillbilly tough-guy things, saying "big
dog" roughly 37 times in ten seconds. Undertaker comes back with some
seated haymakers, fighting to his feet in the process, and Undertaker wins the
slugfest. UT goes for his jumping DDT, but it slips a little on the way up, so
Undertaker grabs the back of his head and slams him down. Somewhat, anyway. It
was a good save. Big Show is in again, and Undertaker is going side to side with
running clotheslines. Undertaker catches Show for the chokeslam, but A-Train is
up. Big boot for A-Train, jumping clothesline for Big Show. Bicycle kick from
A-Train! Michael Cole has said "numbers game" about FOUR BILLION TIMES
in this match. AHHHHHHTHECHOKESLAM! The crowd is up, here comes Nathan Jones!
Show runs down the aisle to get him. Jones ducks a
clothesline...waits...waits...waits...spin kick! Jones with a big boot for
A-Train, and Undertaker hits the tooooooombstone for the win at 09'44".
Undertaker busted his ass in this match, and while you can argue that it's a bit
gay for him to beat two people by himself, well, he beat Big Show and A-Train,
so I don't care. 1/2
--Oh for god's sake, more with the retarded catfight girls. Oh boy!!!!! They
meet up with Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson!!!!! They all
compliment each other!!!!!! Women can't fucking goddamn act!!!!! Haha production
foul-up. That guy was lying, he said that was "great."
--Back to JR and The King now, and JR tells the tropps to kick some ass, and ugh shut up wrestling. Clips from earlier on Heat for the Raw tag title match.
--WWE Women's Title Triple Threat Match - Trish Stratus (challenger) v.
Jazz (challenger) v. Victoria (champion, with Steven Richards): Trish has no
cool pants, which really upsets me. Victoria's hair looks nice. Jazz...is in
good shape. Jazz will have none of Steven and Victoria's posing, so she sends
them outside. Jazz works Trish, then kicks Victoria back down to the floor.
Trish with a Thesz press and some piston-like right hands. Man, JR gets on
Trish's case for looking for the crowd's approval. Victoria and Trish in now,
Victoria gets two before Jazz pulls her out. Trish still in, and being pinned by
Jazz. Victoria stops that. Victoria and Jazz seem to find common ground on the
basis of being intimidated by Trish's hotness and awesomeness, but this doesn't
last long, as Jazz and Victoria begin to fight. Victoria with a powerslam, two
count. Trish with a rolling prawn plus a bridge on Jazz, two count. Victoria
picks Trish up and yells at her and then slaps her. Victoria's character stinks.
Jazz with a fucking retarded european uppercut to the back on Trish. Powerslam
driver from Jazz on Trish, two count, and now Jazz becomes a man and yells at
Victoria. Meeting of the minds! Trish fights off everyone because she rules.
Jazz spin kicks, but hits Victoria when she was going for Trish. Victory roll on
Jazz, two. Chick kick, two count. Trish "charges" and Victoria
"lifts" her knee. Headscissors out of the corner from Trish, who has
taken over. God this match is just a bunch of moves, which I suppose is fine for
women, but still. Jazz gets the half-crab, then turns it into her crappy STF.
Steven Richards gets in and throws Jazz off of Trish with Victoria distracting
the ref. Uuuuuuugh big slow weak running-into spot. There's Victoria's ass for
two. Jazz gets a double-chickenwing lift on Trish and good goddamn, Trish is
totally splitting the difference. Victoria dumps Jazz outside, and Steven runs
in to hit Trish with a chair, only to take it back into his own head off of the
ropes, and get the swinging bulldog. OH MAN Trish becomes Stone Cold Trish
Stratus after the move. Chick kick on Victoria! One, two, three at 07'18".
The fact that this got about two minutes more than Matt-Misterio is a little hmm
shitty.
--The Coach is backstage with The Rock. Coach talks about the people. "People? The people?! The same people who booed The Rock at last year's Wrestlemania? The same people who booed The Rock when he sang and gave the concert of a lifetime? The same people who chant 'sellout' to The Rock? Oh, oh The Rock is a sellout. The Rock has sold out this and every Wrestlemania that he's ever been in! You see, Coach, you see, Coach...the people hurt me. They hurt the people's champ! So tonight, The Rock could care less about the people! You see, Coach, The Rock is here for one reason, and one reason only, and that is to fulfill his destiny - fulfill MY destiny, and that is to beat Stone Cold Steve Austin at Wrestlemania, one, two...three. This is the holy grail! The one thing that The Rock has never done, the one thing I've never done, it consumes me! It eats me alive! Coach, this night, the biggest night of my life, this is EVERYTHING to The Rock. EVERYTHING. Oh yeah, for the past two occasions, Stone Cold Steve Austin has beaten The Rock. Right in the middle of the ring! Right in the middle of that ring, one, two, three, he's beaten The Rock! But if there's one thing that Hollywood has taught me, that's act one and act two, they don't matter. The only thing that matters, everyone remembers...act three. The end, the climax, the grand finale! This is the last chapter to the greatest rivalry this industry has ever seen, when Stone Cold Steve Austin goes one-on-one with the jabroni-beatin', lalalalow pie-eatin', not afraid to sweat, not afraid to bleed, gonna beat that bald-headed bastard, GUARAN DAMN TEED. And then, Coach, the Rock will have done it all. FINALLY...(glasses off) finally."
--WWE Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match - Los Guerreros (challengers) v.
Chris Benoit & Rhyno (challengers) v. Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas
(champions): We start off with a pier-sixer, yeehaw. Referee Jimmy Corderas
tries to get things straightened out, and we start off with Chavo Jr. and Haas.
European uppercut. Dropkick from Chavo. Haas tags Benoit, and Eddy is tagged by
Chavo. Back suplex -> slingshot somersault senton from Los Guerreros. Benoit
and Eddy going at it, yeahhhhh. CHOPS. Tazz says that will swell up your areola,
which seems just a little odd. Benoit tags Rhyno after being stunned, and does
it in a manner where it made me believe that he was really thinking and needed
to get out, god Benoit rules and I love him. POWERSLAM from Rhyno, two, kickout.
Shelton Benjmain tags Eddy, and now it's Shelton and Rhyno. Haas tagged by
Benjamin, and they hit a really crappy double dropkick. Rhyno works Haas over in
the corner and tags Benoit so he can fucking motherfucking chop that fucker.
Benoit with a snap suplex, two. Back suplex, two. Back to the Benoit/Rhyno
corner, tag to Rhyno. Tag to Benjamin, back to Rhyno and Shelton in the ring.
Snapmare, two. Benjmain looks for a tag, but Eddy hits him on the back. Eddy's
so smart. Standing dropkick, GOD. Eddy is SO SMART. Tag to Benoit by Rhyno, and
Eddy gets a stiff back suplex. Eddy yells and heads up top, but Benoit is up to
cut him off. Superplex! Goddamn. Benoit holds his neck, but you know, if
Benoit's arm fell off I might just think he's OH MAN TOSS LIFT INTO THE
CROSSFACE. Haas saves Eddy though. Brainbuster from Eddy! Benoit and Eddy down,
Chavo gets the hot tag from Eddy, and hits a damned hell of a spinning
headscissors on Charlie. Benoit catches Chavo though, rolling germans! Chavo
tags right before the fourth to Benjamin, who didn't see the tag. Benjamin with
a superkick! Eddy breaks the pin at two. Eddy and Benoit going at it again, and
they do a head collision spot where they actually just smash their heads
together. Benjamin in and working on Benoit. Legdrop, cover, EDDY WITH THE FROG
SPLASH. Something seems weird here. Haas with a big damn throw on Chavo,
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE on Haas. GOOOOOOOOOORE on Chavo! Eddy pulls Rhyno out, and
Benjamin sneaks in to pin Chavo for the win at 08'48" to retain.
Well that seeemed a) short and b) screwed up toward the finish, but it was
pretty good.
--Oh FUCK OFF with the catfight girls. Stacy and Torrie have a lame catfight
moment, Stacy for McMahon and Torrie for Hogan. Who CARES? Now brunette is for
McMahon, and blonde is for HOLK HOLGUN. They then argue whether to settle this
in the ring or in bed. My vote is they settle it in hell when they GO TO HELL.
--Shawn Michaels v. Chris Jericho video package. Oh boy business is about to
pick up.
--Chris Jericho v. Shawn Michaels: Shawn shoots off some dumb confetti
guns, which Lawler calls pyrotechnics, which makes me wonder if he's an idiot.
Jericho flips Shawn off. Boy whoever set up the guns on the right sucks because
like three of them didn't work. HBK chant goes up before we get underway.
Feeling-out process to start and Shawn does the rest on the ropes bit. Lawler
gets a little retarded about starting off with basic moves, and JR sticks it to
him with a puppies comment, because JR ain't havin' it tonight. Shawn goes to
leapfrog Jericho, but Jericho stops and smacks him in the mouth. Shawn sticks
Jericho with a right. Jericho to the floor, but he gets caught with a baseball
slide. In Safeco Field. Hahahaha. Shawn off the top, crossbody, and Jericho
rolls through for two, which is cool after they showed that on that comparison
clipshow on Raw. Jericho goes for his bulldog, but gets thrown off balls-first
into the middle turnbuckle. Michaels with a figure-four, woo. Jericho rolls it
over, though, but Michaels lets the hold go. Kneebreaker, man, Shawn is totally
Ric Flair. He goes for another figure four, but Jericho kicks him off and he
shoulders the post. Jericho tries to throw Shawn out, but he skins the cat and
headscissors Jericho to the floor to boot. Michaels with a slingshot plancha to
the floor, and now they're fighting outside. Michaels goes for a dropkick, but
Jericho catches him in the Walls of Jericho on the floor. Referee Charles
Robinson gets to eight before Jericho breaks the count. Jericho picks Shawn up
and rams his back into the post two times. Jericho gets in to pose and boy does
he get booed. Shawn makes his way onto the apron, but catches a springboard
dropkick right in the mush. Both men back in now, Jericho with a back suplex,
and follows it up with a backbreaker. Cover, two, no. Jericho with a rear
chinlock and adds a knee into the spine for awesomeness. Shawn fights up with
the crowd's approval, but gets raked in the eyes. Off the ropes, Jericho goes
for a spinebuster, but Shawn counters with a DDT.
Michaels starts a comeback, but gets hit with a flying forearm. Jericho kips up
and does the Shawn flex, but Shawn kips up behind him and lays in with rights.
Flying forearm! Inverted atomic drop! Off the ropes, backdrop. Shawn catches
Jericho coming in in the corner with a boot, and gets a moonsault bodyblock for
two. Pin reversal spot leads to a bunch of near-falls, and Jericho looks for the
Walls again, but Shawn twists out of it. Waistlock from Shawn, reversed,
northern lights suplex! Two count. Shawn bridges up out of a pin attempt, and
goes for a backslide, but no go. Jericho takes Shawn down with a clothesline.
Lionsault! One, two, NO! Jericho's getting frustrated. Michaels goes for a
huracanrana, countered into the Walls of Jericho! The King says Shawn is a long
way from the ropes while he's about fifteen inches away, and he gets the bottom
rope to break the hold. Jericho tries to go right back to it, inside cradle, two
count! Double-underhook backbreaker from Jericho. Jericho up top - flying back
elbow! O. M. G. Jericho tunes up the band. Sweet chin music from Chris Jericho!
Cover, two, SHOULDER UP. Shawn crossbodies out of the corner and lays in some
right hands. Shawn hooks the legs and is looking for the Walls of Jericho, but
instead turns him around enough to get a slingshot into the post. Roll-up right
ouf ot it, two count! Jericho back on the advantage, and puts Shawn up top
backwards. Jericho goes for a back superplex, but Michaels counters with a
crossbody, which looked nasty at first but on the replay isn't so bad. Another
two count. Shawn up top now, but Jericho kicks Charles Robinson into the ropes,
which crotches Shawn. Jericho up now, looking for a superplex, but Shawn throws
him off and hard. Flying elbowdrop! Shawn tunes up the band - sweet chin music
is ducked! Walls of Jericho #3! Shwan goes for the ropes, but Jericho pulls him
back out! Shawn fights some more, and this time gets the ropes! Good goddamn.
Jericho pleads with Charles Robinson. Jericho runs SWEET CHIN MUSIC FROM
NOWHERE! Both men are down, though. Cover, two, NO! Both men look pretty out of
it. JR calls it a wrestling match. Michaels flip in the corner, Jericho with a
shot to the back, Shawn flips out of a suplex attempt, rolling prawn, one, two,
three at 22'33"! Shawn Michaels wins! I don't care whether or not it
even makes sense at this point, because Jericho looks better because of this
loss than he did coming in, and this was a great, great, super great match.
Shawn extends his hand, and Jericho is crying and hugs him instead. Everyone
cheers. :) Jericho kicks Shawn in the nuts. :( JR and the crowd are both
disgusted.
1/2
--Evil French-Canadian referee Sylvain Grenier (is that close? [it's
right! - tcf] ) knocks on Mr. McMahon's door and then he just goes in. Man,
who does he think he is?
--OH MY GOD GOLDBERG IS COMING. Gooooooooooooldberrrrrrrrrg chant.
--Tonight's attendance: 54,097, a new Safeco Field record.
--Here is Limp Bizkit to perform the awful theme song to Wrestlemania. It goes
on FO RE VER. FO RE VER. FO RE VER.
--Here are clips of Torrie and Stephanie at the Playboy Mansion.
--Here is The Coach on the stage blah blah blahing. Please welcome Tanya
Ballinger, to which everyone says, "Who?" and then follows with,
"Oh, the blonde catfight girl." And her opponent, Kitana Baker,
the brunette one. There's a bed set up, and they're about to fight, but oh boy,
here's Stacy Keibler. JR is not happy with this. She's going to be in the
catfight now. OH YES THANK GOD. HERE COMES TORRIE WILSON! Torrie is making THIS
a FATAL FOUR WAY MATCH. Wow she takes off her shirt and then rips Stacy's off.
Bras. The lame ass catfight girls refuse to actually hit each other with pillows
while Torrie spanks Stacy. God fuck you with this crap. Eventually, they all
turn on The Coach and rip his pants off and trip him and Stacy pins him. Ugh, I
have an idea. Let's have a kickass match and then ruin all of our momentum by
putting on a stupid fucking Limp Bizkit performance no one cares about and THEN
the catfight girls!!!! YES!!!!!!!!
--HHH v. Booker T video package, and it's totally great.
--World Heavyweight Title Match - Triple H (champion, with Ric Flair) v.
Booker T: Booker tells HHH that his "punk ass is in trouble."
Lock-up to start with Booker overpowering HHH and chopping and punching away in
the corner. HHH turns it around with a chop, but Booker floors him with a big
one. HHH goes up top, but Booker armdrags him off the top. HHH bails out, but
suckers Booker in with a kick to the gut. Booker blocks a trip to the ringpost,
and sends HHH in head-first. Inside, Booker blocks a hiptoss, lariat, two count.
Booker with some kicks, including one where he got hung up on HHH's shoulder.
HHH backdrops Booker out, but he lands on the apron. HHH sends Booker T to the
floor, and both men take a breather. HHH waits inside for Booker, then lays the
boots to him when he rolls in. Flair shouts some encouragement while Triple H
works methodically, which I actually mean instead of "HHH works slowly and
like a loser." Cover, two count. Booker fights back with rights and chops,
but HHH hits the Arn-style spinebuster, two count. There's not a lot of heat
here, but I suppose that's what you get out of the crappy angle for this match.
HHH locks on a choke. Man, Nick Patrick is a good referee. HHH goes for a
vertical suplex, but Booker flips out and hits a DDT. JR almost says
"goddamn" after getting frustrated with Lawler's 450th Booker T prison
joke, but then Lawler saves himself by saying he went to the mall with Booker
yesterday and he tried to pay for everything in cigar. Booker with a side slam
and a big jumping elbow. Crowd is pretty dead at this point. Booker sets up for
perhaps the scissor kick, but HHH gets a sleeper. That doesn't last long, as
Booker T rams him into the turnbuckles. High knee from HHH, two count. Spine on
the pine from Booker, two count. Triple H off the top, but wham! caught with a
superkick in mid-air from Booker, two count! Booker T goes for the scissor kick,
HHH ducks, and Booker hits the top rope and falls to the floor. Flair getting
himself involved now with a kneebreaker on the steps. HHH goes to work on the
knee with an indian deathlock. HHH up, and rolls the deathlock into a different
position. This is a real good match that the crowd is just not much into, sadly.
Booker T fights his way to the ropes, and he's selling the knee very well. More
really good kneework from HHH. Nick Patrick is over Booker T asking him if he
wants to end the match now. HHH tries to whip Booker into the corner, but Booker
can't even make it for two steps.
HHH goes for a kneebreaker, but Booker counters with a sunset flip for two.
Pedigree - blocked with a legsweep, and Nick Patrick is bumped in the corner.
Booker checks on him, and Patrick's okay. HHH charges with a clothesline, Booker
AND Patrick duck, and Booker rolls him up for two. Jumping elbow from Booker T,
SCISSOR KICK! He can't make the cover, though. Arm draped, two count! Booker T
heads up top, but HHH cuts him off. Superplex hooked, but Booker fights out and
knocks him to the mat. Flair comes back up again, but gets sent to the floor.
Booker T up top, HARLEM HANGOVER! Boy did that connect. Booker manages to cover
again, but Flair puts HHH's foot on the rope. HHH is out and Booker is
struggling to his feet. HHH starts to stir, both men to their feet, Booker can't
stay up long enough to hit anything. HHH grabs him, PEDIGREE. HHH crawls over -
one, two, three at 18'47" to retain. I strongly disagree with that outcome,
but just as a match, this was really good, HHH's best since Summerslam and
Booker's best since god knows when, maybe ever.
1/2
--Wrestlemania XX at MSG spot.
--Back to ringside with Michael Cole and Tazz, and Tazz loves Limp Bizkit. I
don't like Tazz quite as much anymore. OH THANK GOD they're putting this third
from the top. Hogan-Vince video package.
--Streetfight - Hulk Hogan v. Vince McMahon: Vince slaps Hogan, but Hogan
tackles and punches him with Vince covering up. Clothesline from Hogan, more
punches with Vince covering. Hogan with a blatant choke and some more heavy
rights with Hogan chants going up. Vince comes back with some shots to the
midsection in the corner and a series of back elbows. McMahon works Hogan over
with lots of crap and then they go into a test of strength, which ends
predictably after some chest bumps and Vince kicking Hogan in the gut/balls.
Ehhhhhh, to the floor. Hogan takes over and floors Vince with a chairshot. Vince
is busted open. More chairshots. Vince ducks a chairshot and the Spanish PBP guy
gets laid out. Low blow from Vince followed by his own chairshot, and now Hogan
is busted open. Vince gets a ladder, and throws Hogan on the Smackdown table
before deciding it's better to use the Spanish table. I'm really not skimping
much on the action here, this is about it for the first 11 minutes. Vince hits
Hogan with a monitor. Vince sets Hogan up on the table now, and heads to
the...well, middle of the ladder, mocks Hogan, and then finally jumps off with a
legdrop through the table. Eventually back in the ring, and all of that gets a
two count for Vince. Michael Cole says Vince's brain is turning, so I imagine
Vince going OWWW OWWW MY BRAIN IS TURNING. I had a braineurysm or somethin'.
Vince fetches a steel pipe, and Hogan low blows him before he can get a shot in.
Both men down and bloodied. Hey someone's in the ring - IT'S ROWDY RODDY
PIPER! And Seattle is going wild. Piper kicks Vince in the ass and spits on
Hogan, then picks up the pipe that Vince dropped. Piper taunts Vince, calling
him Junior and telling him to get up, but then WHAM hits Hogan with the pipe!
Well good, why wouldn't he. Piper rules. Vince crawls over, two count! Brian
Hebner incorrectly tries to break up this no-rules streetfight stuff, so McMahon
throws him out of the ring. Vince grabs the pipe again as Hogan pathetically
struggles to his feet. People are looking to the aisle for a run-in. Vince decks
Hogan with the pipe, and here's referee Sylvain Grenier in the ring,
after getting rid of replacement ref Mike Sparks. Vince with the legdrop
- one, two, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS. OMG wait for it ... YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!
Right hand! Right hand for Grenier! Right hand for Grenier! To the floor goes
Grenier! McMahon goes back at it - YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!! Big boot!
Legdrop! Legdrop #2! Legdrop #3! Brian Hebner is back, cover - one, two, three
at 20'48". They made this work as well as it was possibly going to,
I guess, but that didn't make it good. It was dramatic and didn't embarrass
itself, which is really all you can ask for.
1/2
Post-match, Shane McMahon makes his way to the ring, looking very professional in a nice suit. Hogan lets him in the ring to check on his dad and that's that.
--Austin v. Rock video package.
--The Rock v. Stone Cold Steve Austin: Austin with hard rights and a
finger for Earl Hebner, STUNNER - blocked. Rock rolls out and starts to leave
since he needs to win this match so much, which my friend noticed before I did.
Fighting on the outside, Austin is all over Rock. Austin throws Rock hard into
the steps. Back in now, Austin drops Rock with a sweet back suplex. Two count.
JR keeps calling the whips "hellacious rides" which is kind of
annoying, but considering how annoying he usually is these days, I suppose it's
okay for him to be lame once and in his last match of the night. Austin chokes
Rock across the middle rope and Earl gets on his case for it, allowing Rock to
sneak in with a clip. Austin rolls out and checks his knee, Earl joins him. Rock
swoops in with another clip, and then sends Austin on the Smackdown table. A
cameraman gets taken out. I liked watching Tazz be a dick to this match for some
reason after having to get up and move. Rock works the knee inside like crazy,
and works the crowd into the match like a master. Rock locks on the sharpshooter
and JR gives Bret Hart a mention, then remembers Wrestlemania XIII. Austin
fights to the ropes as JR again starts screaming at The King to stop being a
douchebag. Rock wraps Austin's knee around the post again, then retrieves
Austin's vest and puts it on, and takes a sip of water to boot. Back in, and
Austin has gotten a second wind. Right hands, double clothesline! We get a
replay and JR says that was some "serious-ass impact." Hellacious
physicality. Hellacious. From hell. Rock right blocked, Austin hits some rights,
elbow ducked, Thesz press! Right hands! Double bird elbow drop! Two count.
Austin stomps a mudhole in the corner. Rock still has the vest on which is
bothering me greatly. Jumping clothesline and a kip-up from the Rock. JR keeps
saying "nip-up" and that, too, is bothering me greatly. AUSTIN WITH
THE ROCK BOTTOM! AUSTIN WITH THE ROCK BOTTOM! Cover - ONE, TWO, NO! Rock
staggers up, blocks Austin's kick, bird, STUNNER FROM THE ROCK! One, two, Austin
kicks out! Hard right hands from The Rock, the big one misses, STUNNER! STUNNER!
Cover, two, NO! Austin's up and feeding off the crowd and giving Earl the evil
eye and shoving him out of the way. Low blow from Rock! The Rock wants some
applause for his smarts, but he doesn't get much. The King wants the elbow, and
he's gonna get it. People's elbow misses! Austin goes for another stunner, shove
off, spine on the pine! Off goes the jacket, off goes the second elbow pad,
people's elbow! One, two, no! ROCK BOTTOM! One, two, kickout! Another one, no,
Austin fights out, spin, ROCK BOTTOM! One, two, NO! For god's sake. Rock sets up
again, Austin pulls himself up slowly - ROCK BOTTOM #3! ONE. TWO. THREE at 17'52".
Dear god in heaven. Rock seems to be thanking Austin. Rock leaves kind of sadly
and Austin gets his music played and an ovation after Rock is gone.
--Angle v. Lesnar video package.
--WWE Title Match - Kurt Angle (champion) v. Brock Lesnar (challenger):
Lesnar overpowers Angle to start, then starts selling his taped-up midsection
like a grandma would, which he does throughout the match. Tazz mentions that UFC
light heavyweight champion Tito Ortiz is here. A little matwork that Angle
wins out on and Brock gets to sell like an old lady again. Big takedown by
Lesnar, standing switch, Angle with an armdrag, and Lesnar gets a legscissors.
Angle out, headlock takedown. Out of that, shoulderblock by Lesnar. Suplex from
Angle, Lesnar pops back up and clothesline Angle weakly. Out of necessity, I
suppose, but it's weird to see a Lesnar clothesline neutered. Lesnar with a
gorilla press and a big slam. Angle with a german suplex, throwing Brock right
onto the top turnbuckle on the throw, and that was about fucking awesome as it
gets. Angle with some boots into the gut and a vertical suplex for two. Angle
goes into the wrapped headlock spot so they can burn some time.
Crossface-with-the-knee-in-the-ribs hold from Angle to burn a little more. Brock
gets up but Angle holds on. Ram into the corner, Angle holds on. Run across the
ring, ram into the other corner, and now Angle is knocked off. Lesnar with some
shots in the corner, but a whip is reversed and Angle tosses him with an
overhead belly-to-belly suplex. High knee to the back from Angle, and another,
sending Lesnar to the floor. Back in, both men down now. Both up at the same
time, Angle gets some shots in. Knee to the gut and Lesnar is firing back. Angle
rakes the eyes, sends Lesnar off the ropes, and hits a forearm. Lesnar throws
Angle into the corner and works him over, following that up with two overhead
belly-to-bellys that made me cringe live. Cover, two, no. Angle with rolling
germans, hitting four. The wrestling fans are clapping and everyone else is
like, "We already saw Rock and Austin, I wanna go home." F5! But it's
blocked - ankle lock! Angle turns it over into a single crab, which the
announcers sell very well as putting pressure on Brock's ribcage. Lesnar gets
the ropes. Kurt charges at Brock, but gets backdropped to the floor.
Back in now, and Angle charges a resting Lesnar in the corner. Brock moves and
lays some shots in on Angle's back, but gets caught with a release german suplex
which he takes with a flip, which gets the crowd to poop. Angle Slam! One, two,
NO! Angle looks for another slam, but Brock counters with a rolling cradle, two,
no! F5 hits! Cover, two, NO! Boy, you know, I'm starting to believe no one's
finishing maneuver should ever work again. Angle gets the ankle lock for the
second time, and pulls him out to the center this time, and adds a leg grapevine
to boot. Lesnar uses his superpowers to drag Angle's full body weight to the
ropes for the break, and a few people boo. F5 countered, inside cradle, two
count! Angle slam, counter, F5 #2! Brock's not going for the cover, which seems
smart since NO ONE'S FINISHERS WORK ANYMORE. Now, okay, I know what happens here
since it's my second time watching, which usually I kayfabe for you people that
read this and act like I haven't seen this stuff, but right here is where me and
my two friends went OMG and then went ahhhh oh :(. For you see Lesnar just blew
his shooting star press, and there was no damn slip, he just had to jump too far
out and had no time for the rotation and the getting there combined. Angle
covers, two count. Back up, F5 #3, one, two, three for the win and the title at 21'07".
It's not really anyone's fault (except Brock's for blowing the move, maybe) but
that was a real anti-climactic finish. It was a really good match, though. Brock
and Angle hug after the match and it's all genuine-feeling and a nice feel-good
moment to end on, all things considered.
1/2
Aaaaand that's it. Thanks, you've been super.