Wrestlemania XXI Preview
Posted: 04/03/05
Ah, Wrestlemania. Only you are a special enough occasion for us to get the band back together. Who could resist big time title matches, conclusions to heated feuds, and Akebono?
Caveat #1: I haven’t been too diligent in my WWE watching, so a lot of the information below is second and third hand, so some stuff may be slightly off or flat out wrong. Plus I have a cold. You’ve been warned.
Caveat #2: I’m sending this out on March 23rd so everyone has time to get their comments in, meaning we’re missing the last week of build-up. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this until Summerslam.
Wrestlemania XXI
"Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood"
The Staples Center, Los Angeles, CA
April 3rd, 2005
Trish Stratus [c] vs. Christy Hemme (WWE Women’s Title Match)
Backstory: Trish made an appearance on the 2/14 Raw and announced that Christy had agreed to pose for Playboy, which made her a slut. Christy rebutted that no, Trish was the slut because she was involved in intercourse with half the locker room. Trish retorted with a slap upside Christy’s head. The next week on Raw, after successfully defending her women’s title in a three-way against Molly Holly and Victoria, Trish proudly proclaimed herself the greatest women’s champ of all time to Christy and Candace backstage, which lead to another joke about Trish’s morals from Christy. Trish slapped Candace for laughing and got into it with Christy. On the 2/28 Raw, Christy had her big unveiling of the cover for her Playboy issue, which Trish shockingly interrupted. As Stratus was about to deface the cover with spraypaint, Christy slapped her, so Trish responded with a kick upside the head that also broke her shoe. She then spraypainted "SLUT" on Christy’s back. The next week, Christy challenged Trish to a match at Mania, which caused Trish to ask if she was joking (oh, if only). Nope, Christy was serious, because Lita is her new trainer. Lita made her return, and Christy took out Trish with a Twist of Fate. The next week, Christy kicked William Regal in the nuts while training and Trish beat up Maria just ‘cuz. But wait! Christy scored the pin on Molly Holly in a mixed-tag on 3/21, so those lessons might be paying off!
Joe: This is a lot like the Lawrence Taylor/Bam Bam Bigelow match at WM XI, only with more boobs. I’m guessing Christy will win, which is a shame, since Trish has been off the charts great these past few weeks.
James: If I was running things, Molly (in Trish's corner) would interfere to distract Christy, leading to a Trish win. Lita (in Christy's corner), meanwhile, does… nothing. Eventually (by which I mean a Raw a few weeks after WM), Lita flat-out turns heel against Christy, leading to a gang of three heel women beating the crap out of the no-talent bimbos and their only friend, Victoria. Somewhere in here, I'd bring back Gail Kim 'cause she's pretty.
But I'm not running things. Christy wins.
Scott: BOOBIS! I think it's only right to have Lita aligned with Christy because they are both firebushed, potato-faced skanks. I was in LaPorte, IN a couple months ago and I saw Christy photocopied onto the flyer for a Mexican rock n' roll band's concert. I do not care about this match. Christy wins. As much "S" as I talk about her, I really don't mind her. She does seem to enjoy her job and as far as I can tell, she is really trying. I do not buy that she could beat Trish in arm wrestling, though. That's a bit too fake for my tastes.
thecubsfan: . Doing two of these is tough; it’s not like I’m capable of being interesting the first time, anyway. This is an easy one to start with because it’s so obviously Christy. And then she’ll live up to Lita’s example and hurt herself in the next month. I wonder if Lita’s training includes "how to clear recent phone calls of your cell phone." You should always read the manual!
Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio
Backstory: Rey challenged the Bashams to a tag title match with himself and Eddie Guerrero at No Way Out, then went on to beat Danny after Eddie interfered. Eddie and Rey won the belts at the PPV, and defeated the Bashams in a rematch on the 2/24 Smackdown. They successfully defended the straps at the 3/3 Smackdown against Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns, but Rey had a run-in with Chavo Guerrero backstage, who said Eddie was no friend and just keeping Rey in check. The next week, before defending the belts against JBL and Orlando Jordan, Chavo this time taunted Eddie backstage, saying that if he loses his title, Chavo will be the only Guerrero with gold (the champs later won their match by DQ). On 3/17, Chavo was talking shit again, saying last year Eddie was a world champ, and now he's tagging with Rey because he knows he can't beat him. Eddie beat up a chair in response. The next week Chavo urged Eddie to challenge Rey to a match at Mania, which he did. After defeating Charlie Haas and Bob Holly in a title defense, Rey agreed.
Joe: Seven and a half years ago these two had one of the best matches of the 90’s. They probably won't reach that height again, but if given some time, I see no reason this won't be great. Rey wins to start an Eddie heel turn.
James: I see Rey winning this. I don't think they like Eddie Guerrero to win matches. I'm hardly pissing in the wind when I say this will be fantastic if given enough time.
Scott: Turning Eddie Guerrero heel is about the stupidest thing possible. Eddie Guerrero, though I love him, doesn't seem like the sharpest guy. No one is going to boo him. The more dastardly he gets the more people like him. If you build a babyface around being a heel, why are people going to boo him being a heel? The only way this could work is against Cena or maybe against Rey, so at least they're going the right way. If Eddie ends up beating up Rey real good sometime, Rey is so tiny that it will garner sympathy. Maybe. Tajiri didn't. I think this will be a real good match, I assume 15 minutes given that they're in LA and they know these two are huge in Latino-heavy audiences. So good for them. Rey wins.
thecubsfan: I actually believe these two are capable of putting on a better match than the Halloween Havoc one. They’re not as physically talented as they were then, but they’ve grown as wrestlers a lot since then; I think they can tell a better story, if they’ve given enough time. Which is hard to say, since this seems like the first match to be hard hit for time if/when someone thinks Batista versus Triple H would make a great forty minute match. I feel so strongly about this match, I might actually BUY THE PPV if I wasn’t worried it’d end up eight minutes long and topped in the next two weeks in a SmackDown! Rematch. I’m picking Eddie here, just because the coin landed that way.
Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker:
Backstory: Billy "Superstar" Graham gave Randy a pep talk at the 2/28 Raw, telling him to do something unique and original at Wrestlemania. Randy took the words to heart, issuing a challenge to the Undertaker the next week, promising he would be the one to end his streak. Taker officially accepted on the 3/10 Smackdown. On 3/14 Jake "The Snake" Roberts showed up on Raw to advise Randy not to bite off more than he can chew. Randy responded with an RKO. He showed up on the 3/17 Smackdown to sign the contract and slapped Taker in the face. UT responded with some mean faces and used his supernatural powers, which caused young Randy to run. On the 3/21 Raw, Randy gave Stacy Kiebler the RKO to show the Undertaker just what he was willing to do in their matchup. Undertaker beat up Rene Dupree on the 3/24 Smackdown to send a message back to Randy.
Joe: I just don’t see Randy being the one to end the streak, especially after his heel turn. I’d look for an Orton loss to further the turn, and UT gets to maintain his precious streak.
James: This is my pick for the sleeper hit of the PPV. Both guys can be quite good when they really want to be, and they're both going to be giving it their damndest. Undertaker wins, but it won't be easy.
Scott: Orton loses, Undertaker wins again, match stinks, world turns. I expect overdramatics.
thecubsfan: I really wish Orton would want to be really good more often, if he’s actually capable of it. I think he’s actually just capable of John Cena’s level, which is apparently good enough for a match with the Undertaker. There’s absolutely no way Orton is going to win this.
The Big Show vs. Akebono [Sumo Challenge Match]
Backstory: Who the deuce is Akebono, you ask? He’s a former Sumo champion in Japan who recently made the switch to shootfighting in K-1. He’s been, uh, a little less successful in his new endeavor, racking up a record similar to Glass Joe’s in Punch-Out. Anyway, when Smackdown traveled to Japan, Big Show exchanged a handshake with Akebono out of mutual respect. But, we learn later that Akebono issued a challenge to Show, and not just for a regular match, but a sumo match! Show, with his previous experience in sumo matches (OK, it involved monster trucks, but still) accepted. He turned over Luther Reign’s jeep on the 3/24 Smackdown as an example of his sumo prowess (?).
Joe: For those wondering what the hell this is doing on the biggest show of the year, WWE is trying to cozy up to K-1 and trying to attract interest in Japan, where the show is available on PPV. Unfortunately for us, the U.S. fans, the match will suck, no one cares, and it won’t sell one PPV. Akebono loses, because, well, he’s Akebono.
James: Akebono wins, Big Show gets mad, ShowMeThe$$$: "AHHHHHHHHHTHECHOAKSLAM!!!!!" which will be impressive enough, hopefully.
Scott: I'd rather see Big Show wrestle the jeep. I don't know who wins, and I don't care.
thecubsfan: How do you pin a jeep? I’d pick the jeep in that match, because Show can’t get him to flip over on his own. For similar reasons, I pick the sumo guy here.
Piper’s Pit with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Backstory: Piper will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame the night before, and returns a night later to interview the Rattlesnake. We haven’t seen Austin in a year, since he reffed the Lesnar/Goldberg debacle.
Joe: Austin will run through his usual catchphrases and maybe talk about his upcoming movies, and then I expect Muhammad Hassan and Khosro Daivari will crash the party. Expect some Stunners for them and Piper and Austin to share a beer or six.
James: Austin and Piper argue, awesome Daivari and worthless Hassan come out, and for some reason I can see them trying to throw fire at Austin, which should be fun because throwing fire never ever works on PPV.
Scott: Everyone and your mom is getting a stunner here, including Piper (and your mom).
thecubsfan: Just to be different, I’ll have Rene also getting involved here. Maybe La Resistance too – they need all the evil foreign people they can get. STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! BEER! STUNNER!
Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle:
Backstory: Kurt was cleaning house at this year’s Royal Rumble, only to be eliminated by Michaels after only a minute in the ring. That didn’t sit too well with Kurt, who came back illegally and eliminated HBK from the match, then busted him open and put the Anklelock on him for good measure. The issue simmered for a while until HBK finished his feud with Edge, but then he made his challenge known to Teddy Long on the 2/21 Raw. When asked about the challenge on the 2/24 Smackdown, Kurt simply threw down the mic without responding. But at the 2/28 Raw, Kurt attacked Michaels after a street fight with Edge and officially accepted his challenge. On the 3/3 Smackdown, Kurt’s local challenger for the week was wearing a hood, causing Kurt to think it was HBK, when Michaels was in fact disguised as a cameraman, leading to another pull apart brawl. Kurt cut a promo on the Titantron on the 3/3 Raw, promising that he would prove himself as the greatest wrestler of this generation, and he would do everything Shawn Michaels did during his whole career in the next four weeks, sending the internet into a tizzy of "Kurt will lose his smile and refuse to job" jokes. Angle started by beating Mike Heywood in a ladder match on the 3/10 Smackdown, then announced he would be facing Shawn’s old partner Marty Janetty the next week. After a Rockers reunion on 3/14, Angle did go on to beat Janetty on the 3/17 Smackdown. He came down to the ring with Sherri Martel (Shawn’s old manager) the next week, but they were interrupted by a Michaels video piece. When Sherri saw the video and started to cry, Angle flipped and put her in the Anklelock.
Joe: This should be a hell of a match, but I don’t know if both guys have enough gas in the tank for an all-time classic. I’m really not sure who’ll win—I flipped a coin and I’m going to go with Angle.
James: He's just a sexy Kurt, but Shawn Michaels always wins, and this match will be no exception. Sadly, given Kurt's injuries, Michaels winning is likely the best choice. Superkick into ankle lock will be neat.
Scott: If Shawn Michaels does indeed have a set of balls on him, Kurt Angle will be rewarded for his greatness and unmatched stupidity by getting this big, memorable Mania win. Michaels has done enough. We've been reminded for three years now of the legend of Shawn Michaels, which had been established already. Angle doesn't have one big ol' win like this one. Angle should make Michaels tap the F out. If they don't, it goes to show what a complete mark Vince is for Shawn.
thecubsfan: Shawn is winning it for the Pope! And then he’s nominating himself for the big hat. Anyway, it’d pretty weird if everyone decided someone’s new nickname (HBK was in dire need of one) was Mr. WrestleMania and then he lost at WrestleMania.
Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Edge vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane (Money in the Bank Six Way Ladder Match)
Backstory: Chris Jericho made vague allusions on the 2/28 Raw to a match at Mania involving himself, five other superstars, and a ladder. And the next week on Raw, Eric Bischoff announced a six-way ladder match, with the winner receiving a World Title shot at any time during the next year. That night saw three singles matches between the participants, as Kane beat Christian, Edge defeated Jericho, and Benoit defeated Shelton. On 3/14 Shelton Benjamin defeated Edge and Kane beat Christian and Tyson Tomko in a handicap match. Lastly, on 3/21, Edge and Christian reunited to beat Shelton and Chris Jericho. I don’t know what any of this means.
Joe: It’s kind of worrisome that 1/3 of the participants in this match have surgically repaired necks. I imagine this will be quite good, even though it will likely be more toned down that previous ladder matches. Out of everyone, I’m guessing this match will be used to showcase Shelton, and he’ll pick up the win and use his title shot on a Raw later in the year.
James: Christian won't win because he's Christian. Which is a shame, because he should win because he's Christian. Kane won't win because they've already done Kane/Batista and I don't know if they could get people to care about another match between them (though I guess that's never stopped them before). Edge will get screwed out of the win, of course. Jericho and Benoit almost always end up being also-rans. I'm picking Shelton to win, pretty much by default.
Scott: Jericho, Edge and Shelton suck. Kane sucks but in an awesomer way. Christian and Benoit are both good. This is a really stupid idea for a match between six guys that either can't cut it (Edge, Kane), have gotten their chance to cut it and are now back in the mid-card (Benoit, Jericho) or they haven't yet allowed to really try and cut it (Christian, Shelton). Christian is my mainest man, because Benoit is just here to add a name more or less, but to not give this win to Benjamin would be stupid, so I'll pick him. The only other guy I can see winning is Edge.
thecubsfan:. I’m picking Jericho because he’s desperately in need of something to do and it was his match. Plus, the first two or three weeks after a heel turn, he seems interesting, so if he as a heel against Batista, it could work. Maybe he can not resign, and they’ll forget the title shot entirely.
John Bradshaw Layfield [c] vs. John Cena (WWE Championship Match)
Backstory: Since a Raw guy won the Royal Rumble, Smackdown held a tournament to determine who would get the Wrestlemania WWE title match. Cena came out on top after defeating Rene Dupre, Booker T, and Kurt Angle in the finals at No Way Out. JBL held a party at the 2/24 Smackdown to celebrate his wrestling godhood, but the night ended poorly as Cena teamed with the Big Show to defeat JBL and Orlando Jordan when Cena pinned Jordan. A week later, JBL and pals got revenge when they interfered to cause Cena to lose the U.S. strap to Jordan. On the 3/10 Smackdown, JBL and pals threw Cena’s "spinning" title in a trashcan and blew it up. Smackdown GM Teddy Long tried to appease Cena with a rematch with Jordan, but Cena said he wanted JBL. When Long wouldn’t give him the match, Cena gave Long an FU, and later Cena made the save at the end of the show where the Cabinet was attacking Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero. At the 3/17 Smackdown, Long announced that Cena cannot lay a hand on JBL before Mania, or else he forfeits his title shot. After winning a six-man main event, Cena had a chance to bonk JBL with a chair, but had to let JBL get away. The next week Cena taunted JBL during a debate, cut his tie, painted his limo, and dumped water on him to provoke the champ into hitting him so Cena could hit him back. It didn’t work. Scintillating!
Joe: Both guys need to be carried, but they’ll fortunately get a lot of main event "enhancements" (blood, interference, ref bump, foreign objects). Hopefully it’s kept short. I could see them keeping the belt on JBL a little while longer and blow it off at the next Smackdown PPV, but given that No Way Out’s buyrate tanked and there’s two months until Vengeance, I say Cena takes the strap here.
James: Luckily, these guys won't do much wrestling, which is good, because they can't. JBL is underrated, if still not great, and Cena… okay, he sucks. This should be a fun fight. Cena wins.
Scott: JBL is bomb, dog, bomb. JBL will sacrifice further in this match with his own blood and whatnot to make it good. I like to think JBL is getting up every morning and looking in the mirror, questioning whether or not he can make John Cena look good. If this is really where he should be. And he knows it is. He knows what he has to do. I hope JBL retains because that would be hiLAR, but crappy Cena will win. Is it just me or does this match seem totally worthless?
thecubsfan: Yea, JBL will paint the canvas red with his forehead. When you think about, for a guy who’s three main attributes are hitting people hard, being conservatively annoying, and willingness to bleed copious amounts, he’s really gone far. I have some how convinced myself that the anti-establishment cool thing to do is to pick JBL and look real dumb on Monday. I blame lack of sunlight.
Triple H vs. Batista (World Heavyweight Championship Match)
Backstory: Let’s set the Wayback Machine all the way back to Survivor Series ’04, where Triple H’s team lost the main event of Survivor Series. Flair was pissed about Evolution’s performance, and chewed out Batista for losing to Chris Jericho by DQ on 11/22. Batista, of course, was less than receptive to the criticism. As HHH defended his title against Edge and Chris Benoit the next week, Batista and Flair tried to interfere, only to be chased off by Randy Orton, with Batista leaving without much of a fuss. The next week, Triple H and Batista teamed up against Jericho and Benoit, which ended when Hunter accidentally hit Batista with a chair. On the 12/13 Raw, the two teams met again, with Batista kicking ass and pinning Benoit, and Helmsley not looking too happy about it. On that night it was also announced that HHH and Batista would both be in the Elimination Chamber match for the vacant World title at New Year’s Revolution. On 12/27, during the Beat The Clock series of matches, Batista had the fastest time as he beat Rhyno in about 3 minutes, which made Hunter all sorts of pissy (maybe because he bet $100 he’d finish first). He made his frustrations known to Batista, who again, was not receptive to criticism. Dave started the new year by kicking Chris Benoit’s ass on 1/3, then joked that he wanted his $100 from Hunter for last week. Hunter proved as receptive to humor as Batista was to criticism. At New Year’s Revolution, it was teased, that Batista would turn in the Chamber, but in the end he beat up Randy Orton to help Hunter win the title. However, Triple H had an opportunity to save Batista from getting pinned and opted not to, a fact pointed out by that shit-stirrer Randy Orton the next night on Raw. The next week on the 1/17 Raw, Batista beat Viscera and made his intentions of entering the Royal Rumble know, which did not go over well with Hunter. And Dave made good on his word, beating La Resistance in a handicap match on 1/24 to gain entry into the Rumble. And whaddaya know, Batista made good on his word and won the Royal Rumble, eliminating John Cena to earn his shot at Mania. The next night on Raw, Triple H made it clear that it would be an honor to fight Batista at Mania, but before he could respond, JBL appeared on the Titantron and issued a challenge for Batista to come to Smackdown and get his ass kicked. Triple H made it clear that he knew that Batista could take JBL’s title with ease. The next week in Japan, we were treated to another Smackdown star dissing Batista, in the form of the Big Show calling Dave a big fish in a small pond. Earlier in the show HHH had made it clear to Ric Flair that Batista should go to Smackdown and win the title, so Evolution could extend its domination on wrestling. On the 2/14 Raw back in the states, JBL’s limo appeared backstage while Batista was wrestling Edge. Evolution headed backstage, where HHH saved Batista from the speeding limo. Batista showed up on the 2/24 Smackdown, smashing the windows of JBL’s limo and beating down his Cabinet members. He also showed up after the main event of the No Way out feud and beat down JBL, then had a staredown with John Cena. The next night on Raw, Batista was supposed to chose which brand he would stay on, and after it looked like he would choose Smackdown, he gave Triple H the thumbs down, and then a Demon Bomb through a table. The next week on Raw Triple H treated us to one of his "I am the best" monologues and Batista revealed he wanted to stay because Raw was the #1 brand and he wanted to beat the best. Evolution tried to attack Dave, but Hunter wisely backed down, leaving Flair to get powerbombed. On 3/7 Batista beat Flair, and then foiled Hunter when he tried to interfere. On 3/14 Evolution sent Snitsky after Batista, only to interfere for the DQ. Batista cleaned house on Gene and Flair, and Hunter again took a powder. On 3/21 Hunter treated us to a one-man show called "Everyone Sucks But Me," and Batista overcame a slew of evil lumberjacks to beat Kane in the main event. Phew.
Joe: Batista wins, duh. It would be better to keep it in the 10-15 minute range, but since this is Triple H, it’ll probably go around 20. Even if it does go that long, it should be pretty good. Even though it ran out of steam near the end, this has really been a well put together angle.
James: I can actually see HHH keeping the belt here. I can't imagine it's really likely, but I'll choose it just to be contrarian so I can look like a genius if I'm right on a fluke.
Scott: Too long, too dull, Batista isn't good enough a worker for a longer match, and HHH isn't the guy to make him look good. This will suffer from the same overdrama that Taker/Orton will. Is it just me, or does this match seem worthless? What a shitty double main event.
thecubsfan: I think this one might be best at 5-10 minutes, actually. Batista’s best singles match, and arguable only good single match, was against Chris Benoit in something about that long, and Triple H is not quite Chris Benoit. This would seem to be a HBK/HHH situation. Anyway, Batista wins here because I took the reverse position on the other match.
Summing It Up:
Joe: Wait, this show airs opposite the Sox/Yankees season opener? Forget it! Ha ha, I kid. This should be a good show. They definitely took a more streamlined approach than last year, which means no four team tag matches or cruiserweight gauntlets. Sure, it kind of sucks that the U.S., Cruiserweight, and Raw Tag Champs aren’t wrestling on the show, but what can you do? Yeah, there’s some junk, but there should be a few excellent matches and some memorable title wins. And if I can say it one more time: Akebono.
James: Eight matches in four hours looks like there will be tons of filler. Skip Heat unless you want to see a lot of video packages twice. I think I'll enjoy the show enough, but would I be fine with tuning out for a half hour to watch Arrested Development? Most likely.
Scott: I've gotten to where I'm seriously debating whether or not I want to pay 50 dollars for this show. There are two matches (Eddie/Rey and Shawn/Kurt) that I want to see, plus the Austin/Piper segment featuring two of my all-time favorites, but what? 50 dollars for that horrible main event, a women's match, a sumo match, Randy Orton and the Undertaker, etc.? That's steep. If I didn't hate both the Red Sox and the Yankees, I'd probably rather watch the baseball opener instead. I guess I'll get this show, but it's the first time in forever that I haven't really cared about Mania.
thecubsfan: Yea, even with the now rumored Battle Royal (and James loves Battle Royals), there’s no way I’m paying $50 for all I care about, which is actually all Scott cares about so I can save myself the trouble of repeating it. They’ll try to force the special feeling on this show with whatever extra stuff they add in and the big title changes, but if there wasn’t a Kurt/HBK match on this card, I don’t know if it’d feel like an actual WM. It’s missing something.