ROH Road Report
Lexington, MA -05/15/04
Joe Gagne: Why should it goes well?
Johnny shows up at my place first and we kill time watching Extreme Table Tennis on ESPN2. How low on the ESPN totem pole do you have to be to commentate for Extreme Table Tennis? Can you brag about that at parties? Would you put it on a resume? As we mull these questions my buddy Chris K shows up and we’re off to Lexington.
The show was originally scheduled for National Guard Armory in Braintree, MA, but in true ROH fashion it, the National Guard was assembling in Braintree so it had to be moved to the National Guard Armory in Lexington. It was an ok building, but it was roasting in there tonight, maybe around 100 degrees (I shudder to think what the August show will be like). It didn’t seem to affect any of the wrestlers, although you would see little clouds of sweat whenever someone got chopped, which was a neat visual.
Crowd looked about 450-500, and again we have to stand because they ran out of chairs.
The theme of tonight’s show was the Round Robin Challenge #3, where three teams (C.M. Punk & Colt Cabana (the current tag champs), B.J. Whitmer & Dan Maff, & the Briscoe Brothers) compete in a round robin style tournament with the added twist that the tag titles would be on the line in each match. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, originally scheduled to ref, was there as a “troubleshooter” for the challenge.
Round Robin Challenge Match #1: C.M. Punk & Colt Cabana [c] vs. Dan Maff & B.J. Whitmer: We walk in during the entrances, so I have no idea if anything happened beforehand. Lots of brawling around the ring. Punk jumps off the guardrail onto Whitmer, but I think he got caught with an overhead belly-to-belly in the crowd (couldn’t tell from my vantage point). Eventually the Saints get fed up and take their belts and walk to the back, only to be stopped by Ricky Steamboat, who orders them back to the ring. Whitmer soon catches Cabana with an Exploder for the pin and belts. That’s title change #1 of the night, and the Prophecy goes up 1-0 in the RRC.
Punk and Cabana are less than pleased with this turn of events, so they take out their frustration on Steamboat. The Dragon fires back with chops but soon gets overwhelmed. Cabana fetches a table, but the legs break as soon as they get it in the ring. So they improvise by propping it in the corner and ramming Steamboat into it. Cabana gets another table, and they manage to lay Steamboat across it, as Punk goes to the top. But just before Punk can come off the top, the table sags and breaks. Oops. Punk jumps off anyway with a legdrop on what’s left of Steamboat and the table.
Alex Shelley vs. Matt Stryker: I’m a big Shelley fan and was jacked to see him live. Stryker had a new spikey haircut which earned him some “Sonic” chants. The gimmick here is that Shelley challenged Stryker to a best of three series, but he’s so cocky he’s only booked for two shows, since that’s all he needs. I always thought Shelley made a natural babyface, but whatever. Lots of mat based action early. I miss part of the match because I spilled part of my drink on Chris K and had to get some paper towels. Shelley manages to survive a DVD and the Strykerlock to get the win with a wacky roll-up (the ref messed up the final pin count, stopping and then counting three a second later).
By the way, the men’s room was right next to the dressing room of the wrestlers, so whenever you took a piss you could hear guys talking about their matches. Later in the night I saw H.C. Loc with just a towel on coming out of the shower, which is a sight I could’ve lived without.
Carnage Crew & Ring Crew Express vs. Outcast Killaz & Prince Nana & Josh Daniels: This would be an unannounced match. Carnage Crew was still looking for whoever pooped in their gym bags, and I guess Oman Tortuga was the prime suspect as Devito was just killing him with crossfaces. This was pretty good but not terribly memorable, unless you count the enormous wedgie Prince Nana had in the match. Josh Daniels certainly deserves better than to be in a match like this. Anyway, Loc catapults Oman into a Devito clothesline for the win.
The Rotweilers (Homicide and Julius Smokes) came out and announced Ricky Reyes of the Havana Pitbulls as their newest member and the person who turned the lights out in Minnesota. This was done with zero fanfare, I would assume because Ricky as the mystery man wasn’t exactly a blockbuster announcement. Gary Michael Cappetta comes out and announces that Samoa Joe won’t come out unless Homicide goes to the back. Joe comes out anyway and he and Homicide brawl in the crowd, about a foot away from me. Again a chair goes flying and almost decks a fan. They really need to be careful with stuff like that. Officials finally come from the back and separate the two.
Samoa Joe vs. Ricky Reyes: Joe was wearing his Halloween black and orange outfit. Or maybe this was a tribute to Taz. Reyes got a lot of offense to start the match, going after Joe’s legs with a lot of kicks. Finally Joe got on the offensive and just mauled Reyes like a bear. Reyes would get spurts of offense but it was mostly Joe beating the pine tar out of him. Lariat and Island Driver seal the deal.
Punk and Cabana come out to bitch about the ROH officiating, saying that Cabana’s shoulder was when they lost the tag titles. They challenge Steamboat but acknowledge that he’s been sent to the hospital (so we know he won’t come back tonight, not in a million years, nope). Punk takes credit for ending Steamboat’s career and promises to win their belts back after the Briscoes beat the Prophecy.
Round Robin Challenge Match #2: BJ Whitmer & Dan Maff [c] vs. the Briscoe Brothers: Again, the tag titles were on the line. Started out kind of slow with little heat, but definitely picked up. March fucked up a Merosault quite terribly, but it lead to the heat segment so it didn’t really detract from the match. Marc got his ribs worked over for quite a while. Ultimately Jay gets the hot tag and runs wild. Lots of nearfalls until Whitmer accidentally plunked Maff with a forearm and Jay rolled him up for the win and belts. Turned into a good little match.
Intermission. Chris K busts out the first pedophilia joke at 9:10, much later than I ever expected
Josh Daniels vs. Dixie: Before the break they announced we still had four “big” matches to go. This fits no definition of “big” I’m familiar with. Daniels was accompanied by Prince Nana (wearing casual clothes along with his crown), so I guess Daniels is the new member of the Embassy? Your basic post-intermission match, until Ox Baker (?) came out and seemed to be trying to coach Dixie (at one point he told Nana to go back to Africa). Daniels won with a FISHAMANBUSTAAAAAAA. Dixie was confused after the match and went to the back alone. Worst match of the night, but it was short and in a bad spot so it’s forgivable.
Six Men Mayhem: John Walters vs. Roderick Strong vs. Masada vs. Hydro vs. Trent Acid vs. Izzy: This way this works is that there are four guys on each corner and two in the ring, and when someone rolls outside the ring someone else can jump in. One of those nutty spotfests, where someone takes a devastating move but is fine 20 seconds later. Far far too many crazy moves to list, but among them were a top rope Dragon Suplex by Hydro on Masada, Walters hitting his “knees to the back” move on Izzy while Izzy was on Trent Acid's shoulders, and Acid giving Masada a nasty inverted suplex to the floor. Walters pinned Izzy after a Dominator off the top for a big pop (since Walters is from the area and promised to win the match). If you like these kinds of matches (and I do, every now and then) you should go out of your way to watch it.
Spanky vs. Homicide: I was right by the rail at the entrance, and when Spanky came out he stopped, poked me in the chest, and said he liked my Zero One shirt. I hope that makes the tape. Lots of “welcome back” chants; Spanky was one of the most over guys all night. He wore this awesome Hershey’s Kiss hat to the ring and even put it on the ref. Homicide is “crazy” now, although he still busted out plenty of wrestling moves. The only real crazy things he did were jawing with the fans and going for a chair outside the ring. At one point Homicide was about to hit Spanky with a chair on the floor, but the ref took it away, so Spanky hit a Sliced Bread #2 jumping off the chair in the ref's hands. Lots of nearfalls. Spanky hit a normal Sliced Bread #2, but Julius Smokes pulled out the ref. Homicide comes back to win with a Hamada-chan Cutter and a lariat. Probably the match of the night, both men got a standing ovation and “ROH” chants afterwards.
I forgot to mention this in the WO.com report, but Homicide challenged Samoa Joe to come out and fight, and the champ obliged, but was soon beaten down by the Rotweilers. Referees and officials came in from the back, but Homicide told them if they came in the ring he’d slice them with a razor blade. Homicide and Reyes each gave Joe a piledriver and emphasized that his days as champ were over.
Round Robin Challenge Match: Briscoe Brothers [c] vs. C.M. Punk & Colt Cabana: Punk and Cabana spent most of the match working over Mark’s ribs (still selling from the earlier match). This was really restaurant quality tag wrestling as Punk and Cabana were right bastards cutting off the ring and not letting up on the ribs. Jay finally gets a tag and runs wild. Super-nutty spot sees Punk hit Jay with a Tiger Suplex, but while he’s in the ring March jumps off the top and hits a bridging Punk with a Shooting Star Press. Briscoes look to have the match won but Colt pulls the ref out of the ring I could’ve lived without seeing that twice in one night). Mark tries a crossbody off the top on Cabana, but Colt catches him with a knee and adds a frog splash for the pin and the belts. Psychology that pays off in the end of a match? I can dig it. Probably the second best match of the night. RRC III ends up a tie.
Afterwards, the Prophecy runs out and all three teams brawl, leaving Punk alone in the ring. And who should come out but Ricky Steamboat. He peppers Punk with chops and hits an arm drag to a huge pop. Then Steamboat goes up to the top rope and I’m like “no way,” but the Dragon comes off the top with a crossbody and the place goes insane. Seriously, the loudest reaction I’ve ever heard at an ROH show. Punk retreats and Steamboat poses to end the show. Crowd chanted "Steamboat's bitch" at Punk.
OK, the three title changes is dubious, especially since we’re back where we started with Punk and Cabana as champs, but we’ll see where it goes from here.
Also, I usually bitch about retired/old guys going over young stars, but the Steamboat stuff was amazing, a complete mark-out moment. I know Steamboat has said he doesn’t want to wrestle again, but ROH has to set up Punk/Steamboat somehow.
Anyway, this was a really great show with no real bad matches. I don’t know how the Steamboat stuff will show up on tape, but it was amazing live. Definitely a show worth checking out.
Joe Gagne
joegagne@charter.net