AAA Recap
Aired: 04/30/05
Recapped: 05/14/05

Match 1: Kumbia Kids (Jhony, Yessy, Tene, Javi) vs Los Vatos Locos (Silver Cat, Picudo, Nygma, Espiritu)
Arena Solidaridad, 02/20/05

• DQ Jhony (low blow to Picudo)

Winner: Los Vatos Locos
Match Time: 10:56
Other Match Notes: We've got five Kumbia Kids dancing in the ring and into the crowd. Some of them helpfully have their names written on the back of their martial arts shirt tops. We've got four Locos tonight, acting extra KISS-like and they're blowing fire (with mixed results.) One of the Kids sits this out to make it fair, although it seems like all five get involved at some point. Lots of spots in stereo times two to start. I keep hoping they're going to list who's actually in this match, but I apparently was supposed to pay attention to the verbal announcement. One Kid gets double press slammed into the third row, which is always fun. Good for a replay, too. All the misspelling are apparently on purpose.  All the misspelling are stupid. Vatos have a 4 on 1 beatdown segment ,which is indeed great for holding people up so I can see the back of their shirt. It's not a bag four one one, as these things go. Yessy (should be pronounced Jesse) takes a triple face Sam. Tene gets s superbomb. I don't know the Vatos Locos well enough to say who's doing what. Espiritu leaves the ring, goes to the entrance, and grabs a broom - is this going to be a complete sweep? No, they're just breaking the pole over Tene's back - kinda a delayed sell there. Good lord, Jhony's face is caked in blood and it's still pouring! What the heck happened there? He helpfully falls on the announcers desk so they can keep talking about it. To explain, we see the pole being broken over Tene's face. Jhony's white shirt is progressively changing colors. We look at the announcers (clip) and then see him roll out of the ring and fall down on the outside, his right sleeve rich in blood. The Kid not in the match does come over to check on him. I keep missing the name of the last Kid in the match, and the Locos keep whipping guys into the corner, tripping them up, and crotching them on the post. Against all odds, it's Jhony who turns it around - Locos are paying attention, and crotch PIcudo when he gets reversed into the corner. Hey, look, a completely staged looking stereo tope  Jhony - he off the frosted blond hair - nails a rope flip moonsault to the outside and apparently is no longer bugged by the blood lose. the Other one does another tope just because everyone must do one. Yessy gets the crowd to chant for them, and gets his one on one sequence, getting the better of Nygma. Suicide armdrag to the outside! Yessy totally hit the ground first on that move and yet it didn't hurt him one bit. Next is the guy I've been missing, Javi (incredibly relatively normal spelling), and he looks spectacular on a diving springboard armdrag, but then blows his next big move and the crowd lets him hear it. He comes back with the side headscissors he was looking for. Long look at the crowd and we're back in the middle of the Tene sequence. It's tough doing a four (or five) man team where everyone's trying to be spectacular - Tene does just a couple of typical cruiserweight move for his sequence, finishing with a spinning headscissors and gets token reaction. Johnny is in, and we miss how he dies again while looking at Silver Cat relaxing in the crowd. Jhony ducks a double clothesline, handspring, flip for no reason, dancing for less than on reason, Vatos Locos dance with him! Okay, enough of that, he gets kicked, whipped, powerbomb reversed into Kidman faceslam. Double whip, double head down too soon, Jhony cruises to a stop, grabs their heads, waits for the crowd to react, and faceslams them. It's breaking down from here, with a Vato Loco taking the Bucanero monkey flip to the floor, and Johnny rolling backwards into a headscissors on the floor on him. Yessy and Nygma completely lose their place in their sequence and then the camera manages to miss Jhony's Asai Moonsault to switch to Yessy's tope - but missing that one too. When they were running thru this match (15 times), they should've invited the camera crew! Javi gets in his tope and a dropkick. Tene gets in his tope - wait, haven't we been here already? Tene's tope seems to have been partially caught, so he gets thrown in, dropkicks out another Vatos loco, botches the run up the corner for his next dive, and does his double jump plancha, which would be much more effective if it wasn't the tenth dive in the last five minutes. I've gone from hating the Kumbia Kids to respecting them to being impressed to them back to hating them - and the match isn't over yet! Jhony and let's say Picudo - I think I might actually be right - are fighting it out. Using logic which I don't understand, the referees are both busy counting everyone else out, despite two people being in the ring. Of course, if there's referees not looking at the action in the ring, it must mean something's illegal is about to happen, and Picudo provides it with a faked low blow. Everyone tries to convince the referees that they're right - and then Jhony decides he has no chance of winning this argument, so he low blow kicks Picudo for real! Ha! (10:56) If you're going down for it, you might as well get to do it. Everyone's remembered Jhony should be hurting from the wound so Vatos Locos beat him down - and then he rolls out and is completely unhurt. Way to make me hate you!

Theorem: Kumbia Kids are to Mexico what Mat Rats was to Canada.

News: Abismo Negro has words for us! unfortunately, I know none of them. I believe it's the usual LLL will win line. 

Match 2: La Parka (c), Gronda, Latin Lover vs Chessman, Abismo Negro (c), Tinieblas Jr.
Arena Solidaridad, 02/20/05

• Latin low blow kick Abismo

Winner: Tecnicos
Match Time: 8:16
Other Match Notes: We join in time for La Parka's entrance. I see Chessman has been shopping for Kane suits at Sears. Watching this in reverse will make all my jokes even less funny. Gronda and Abismo do the dueling corner pose for reaction - with Abismo slipping and falling down on his way to the corner. None of the LL guys want a piece of Gronda. Abismo keeps looking for a way to tag out, Chessman in, Chessman out, Tinieblas in, Tinieblas out. The other two eventually convince Tinieblas to come in, and they'll even start a chant for him. Wait, no, he's out, Chessman back in. Wait, no, Abismo back in. Now we've got a pose off. Now we're looking the crowd. LLL guys still can't decide. Tinieblas?! TINIEBLAS! His open hand slaps has no effect, though Gronda do. Check out the killer headlock, dudes. Having Gronda do the headlock/headscissors double move makes it seem a lot less impressive. Abismo kisses the ring rather than get punched. La Parka and Gronda have some funny business which we only catch half of. Latin Lover in. This match is never actually going to get going and I really don't care all that much, why am I doing move by move here? Plenty of time to type as everyone stalls - ah, it's a dance off with Abismo. Impossible not to be downhill from there. Latin's sequence against Chessman and Abismo ends, there's an abrupt clip not even covered up with sound, and then we come back for five seconds of Parka recovering from a Chessman chop before going to break. How weird.

Chessman and La Parka argue over Chessman's hair. We get a Parka walking the ropes sequence in here, as well as  not good jumping enziguri. Abismo with Parka. Abismo's good in here - not this particular sequence, but the match. Gronda back in and we still don't have anyone to fight him. Abismo tries to motivate himself, chops, waits for Gronda to clothesline, flinches back because Gronda's supposed to clothesline him, tells Gronda to clothesline him already, and gets clotheslined. That wasn't too obvious. Now that low blow Abismo did right in front of the referee, that was pretty obvious - but not called and I didn't even seen the resulting pinfall be counted, even though everyone acted like it. Chokeslam by Gronda gets counted form across the ring and only two, but that leads everyone in. Parka and Gronda hold their opposition in going nowhere submissions for a minute so Chessman and Latin Lover can do the Ultimo Guerrero/La Parka sequence, to the bodyscissors powerbomb. That should get a three count, but since this is AAA, Charly Manson and Mr. Aguila are in to cause a DQ. Or not really Announcers start singing theme songs. OH YES ANTONIO PENA HAS THE MIC! It's on now. Pena can't get it to work, then calls on the Vatos Locos for help. While Pena talks and gets LLL's attention his way, we get a run in from the crowd. It's - it's - it's apparently Hijo de Anibal, and I had to look it up later to figure that one out. He's here to go for Tinieblas' mask, ripping the top off in no time. Chessman attacks, Chessman's backdrop to the floor takes two tries, oops. This match is apparently still going - Gronda gets in a spinebuster on Aguila, then rolls out for no reason. Latin Lover superkicks Abismo, but Charly Manson grabs him so Abismo can use the hairspray of fire on him - but Lover moves at Charly gets it. And then Abismo gets in a low blow anyway, because who needs one screwy finish when you can have minutes of screwy ness. One two - oh right the ref needs to get pulled out here, forgot that one. Abismo turns to yell at people outside, Latin Lover pops up with little war and low blow kicks him from behind, fast one two three (8:16) and now we're really done. Glad we went thru all that so we could go from Latin pinning Chessman to Latin pinning Abismo. Latin teases stripping a g-string but thankfully keeps it holstered. More replays, I demand! Saves me from having to recap anything.

Match 3: Charly Manson, Mr. Aguila, Mongol Chino vs Diluvio Negro, Intocable, Zorro
Arena Solidaridad, 02/20/05

• rudos DQ

Winner: tecnicos
Match Time: 10:03
Other Match Notes: Charly enters to the theme from SmackDown!. Ha. Ha. Ha. His teammates are already in the ring. Look! It's a friend of the rudos with a ticket! I have no idea about this angle or this match, but I'm sure both are vitally important. Of course Zorro gets brought up to be beat up by him. Of course a trash can gets thrown in the ring and thrown on Intocable. Look at Mr. Aguila walks the ropes for no particular reason. I'm going to stop looking now. Haha, Aguila puts Intocable in the trash can and sentons the trash can, but it bends down maybe two inches and visibly doesn't come close to hurting Intocable. Meanwhile, Zorro is getting beat around the arena by Charly Manson and Guy I Don't Know But Probably Would If You Told Me His Name. Aguila gets bored and tapes Intocable to the ropes. Really what I was missing from CMLL was long never ending brawls. Diluvio Negro, who might have had a mask when this match started, randomly comes back and frees Intocable. Aguila oversells the trash can to the head. I keep hoping those chain tattoos on Aguila are really some weird part of his outfit and not just really ugly tattoos. Elsewhere, Zorro doesn't know the comeback has started and is STILL getting beat up. On and on we go. Intocable eventually tapes up Aguila to the ropes and rushes off to help out Zorro, who is still getting beat, though we're in the "dragging him around the building by his head" ECW style never ending fight now. Fans who are here to watch the match are getting ot see Negro punch out Chino a lot. ABRUPT BREAK!

I think the guy is Hator. Would that make sense? Is it okay if I don't care? I was trying to figure out how this show was going to work with so much time left, but I guess this never ending brawl is why. Backstage, Intocable has caught up with the other three and started the comeback there. They're out on the street now, which makes for interesting TV (if you care about the feud - maybe) but really doesn't do much for your lie audience. Right into the cardboard program! Into a chair. Dude, you might want to jump on the buss and get out of there. The cameraman is smart enough not to play in the street, though the wrestlers are not. Back in the ring (the WHAT), the rudos finally figured out how to work the two on one. Aguila, having learned nothing, has the big hard plastic trash cylinder laying on top of Diluvio, and drops a top rope splash on it. That must've hurt him far more than it hurt Negro. From the way he's grabbing his ribs, I think I may be right here. Okay they're trying to walk back in now. Wait, now, side trip into the side table. Card table to the head. At some point, Intocable and Charly Manson headed back to the ring, because we see them fighting now. Still, rudos get the better of three on two, even if Aguila is still stupidly trying to use the trash can in ways where it won't work - "dropkicking it into Intocable" does a lot to trash can and nothing to Intocable. Ah, Zorro's finally heading back. Right to the seat where he started. Zorro gets his head all over a ringside fan because it helps him pose. Gives Manson time to come over and maul him, two. Hey, Aguila finally figured out how to use the trash can - he chucks it out of the ring and nails Zorro! Way to go, Essa. Way to go. The fight spills back in the ring, and MaybeHator gets a hold of the trash can, hits Zorro with it - AND THAT'S A DISQUALIFICATION? THE FIFTY OTHER TIMES IT WAS USED, FINE. THE TEN MINUTES MaybeHator WAS BEATING UP ZORRO, NO PROBLEM! BUT BRING THEM TOGETHER, AND AAA MUST DRAW THE LINE!!!! what the heck ever. 

After, people beat up other people. I'm pretty sure Negro and Chino, who disappeared for the finish, were only here to give the fans something to watch while the TV fight happened outside. Oh boy it's Antonio Pena to make it all better! I'm begging Aguila to hit him with the trash can right here, but of course he's not going to. Of course Intocable is easily able to us it on him a bunch, and knock him down so Pena can weakly stomp the can. We have a Mexican Standoff, which is awesome because everyone here is Mexican! Oh Boy, Pena is now sending in the police because this is a real life situation and you can't jump the rail, beat up a guy for twenty minutes, get beat up by the guy for twenty more minutes, and USE A TRASH CAN and get away with it! The police will get you for that! At some point! Oh the exciting dragging him out to the police car shot! Oh the exciting Negro and Chino fight to remind us they're still here! Look, he's in the police car! Look, there's a guy sitting back there with him. Now the cop has no idea what he's supposed to do next, so he's just kinda standing around the passenger door. Oh wait, Zorro's really hurt for real. That blasted trash can.

Coming up: Noti AAA!

Here's the news: AAA sucks! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Look, the Reina de Reinas. Wow, that's a lot of female wrestlers. We see about twenty seconds of this match.
- A press conference with Gronda in the Yucatan. Check out the fake vampire teeth.
- Remember when Cibernetico gave a chair shot to that guy? That was cool.
- Here are highlights of Hector Garza, because he's long gone.
- Remember when Hator got arrested? That was not cool. That was also five minutes ago, you morons. DIE.

You can't see this part, but I'm completely losing it at this point.

We're in Japan, where they have wacky shops and Japanese foods, oddly enough. Killing time. Best thing to do with it! Look, it's a stuffed dog! I don't think there was a Aguayo joke here, but it would've been hilarious if there was. Like if he said "Who wants dogs? Dogs are stupid!" and stared directly into the camera for a couple moments, and there was nothing but silence. That would've been awesome. They're at a temple now and I'm totally disrespecting it by blowing it off, I fear. Wow, is this a whole segment? That's how they're filling out time! Not, like, showing the twenty women battle royal. Edit: Or maybe that was a week I've skipped and I'm a moron. POSSIBLE.

Match 4: Mini Abismo Negro, Danshoku Dino, Faby Apache, Takeshi Minaminoro vs Pimpinela Escarlata, Ofune, Spanky Dicaprio, Mascarita Sagrada
Japan,

• Sagrada tornado armbar Abismo

Winner: tecnicos
Match Time: 12:01
Other Match Notes: Abismo has the a belt with him. There are times in everyone's life where you're prepared to embrace a very gay man. This is not one of those times for me. This is not one off those times for the network, as they cut away when we might have a clear shot of hot man on man action. Dino's really mauling people when he climbs over them to get at other people. Faby has her half of the Mixed Tag belt and she's using Boom Boom Boom Boom. Takeshi has the AAA logo shaved into his head. What is Faby doing on that team, anyway? What are any of us doing anywhere? It's weird seeing the AAA people have videos for their entrances when we never ever see them have those in Mexico. Pimpinela's entrances goes on nearly as long as the last match. Man, Spanky, I used to think you were cool, I used to think you could be somebody. What happened to you? What happened to me? They seriously announce that as his last name, which fits the Titanic entrance. Mascarita is wearing his belt, and I've lost track of which mini belt is which. I guess the teams are "one mini, one guy who knows he's gay, one guy who's not yet aware he's gay, and one woman." Break before the match gets started.

This match could rock  and it'd still get no play by play. Like the last Japan match, we never actually hear a bell or whistle or anything. This is your normal mixed atomicos, but a bit slower since everyone must pause to get the crowd to react as they come in. And that's that.