bottom line: me, not so good. And I’m probably going to do this three times.
PICKS FOR VALIDATION PURPOSES
JBL b Big Show
This is a boring matchup. Because of the way the NWO tournament has been scheduled – final not set till the last hour of the last major lead in show – they’ve not left themselves any time to hint towards the less obvious WrestleMania combinations could happen. I don’t even know if it’d be possible with, say, Kurt Angle vs Big Show, but Big Show vs John Cena lead off last year’s WM, and it would’ve been nice to give Show a chance to promise revenge in a rematch to make you thinking he could actually be there. He’s not, of course.
Anyway, boring match. The WWE, not being dummies, realizes this and is trying to make it interesting by coming up with a unique gimmick for the boring match to happen in and while I could see barbed wire doing that for some, barbed wire as a top of the cage ornament seems unlikely. It seems no different than any cage match where escape doesn’t get a victory. JBL will still find a way to bleed a bucket, I’m sure.
If we come out of No Way Out with the impression we’d like to see more barbed wire cage matches like this in the future, these two have easily exceeded expectations.
John Cena b Kurt Angle
Nice stab at trying to build something quick from their first match to this match. Since everyone knows the finish, what’s going to be interesting here is how they get there, and how they balance giving Cena a big victory while not pissing off Angle’s hometown fans.
Undertaker b Luther Reigns
This is a weird build up. Luther does promos about how he doesn’t fear anything anymore including Undertakers, and then he’s acts in fearful ways of the Undertaker. I don’t think we’re supposed to think he’s a boastful liar, but his actions haven’t matched his motivations.
If Luther makes something of this match, it could springboard him to a more consistent role. If he doesn’t, it’s going to be quickly forgotten in the midst of a billion similar Undertaker matches. Nothing to lose here. Good shot for him.
Basham Brothers b Eddie/Rey
The problem with SmackDown! is Eddie and Rey are logistically unable to win the tag titles, because they’re needed for more important action than the tag team titles currently rate. The tag titles are always the path to get many people on the WrestleMania card in a meaningless match, while Eddie and Rey are going to be counted to carry a meaningful match (or two) for SD! at the show. These two things don’t go together, and it wouldn’t seem to help anyone for a quickie double switch.
I wish I’d talk more about storylines and less about meta, but there’s not much to dig into here. Rey should be mad at the Bashams for putting RVD out of action, but he kinda got over it and forgot it till it became necessary for the writers again. Tough to care about the grudge when the people involved don’t.
Funaki b Shannon Moore in the CW 6-Way
The Six Way will probably be a fun match; these things usually are and that’s why they use them as card filler. However, I really hate to see it on the card, because it’s an illustration of the complete lack of effort in this division (and to be fair, the whole midcard.)
This match really should be Funaki vs London for the title (or Funaki/Akio), with Long proving he watches Velocity by rewarding one of the feuding duo a title shot for the performance. Juvi and Kidman had all those neat matches (and I’m not sure we’re at that level of neat), but at some point, they stopped being opening card filler and started meaning something as far as the titles. If Akio/London is going to be remembered by most, it’s got to start meaning something.
It’s also a really bad sign, because if they’re going to the multiple cruiserweight match one month out of WM, they’re unlikely to be at WM. Hope Shannon is saving his money and not counting on a big bonus.
They could go any in direction here – each of them have the same meaning. Status quo is the easiest, so I’ll pick that here. The Cruiserweight title has essentially been zombified since Spike beat Rey after the turn. It’s a shame they waste it like this.
Booker T b Heidenriech
Wishful thinking, but I’m hoping they’ve given up on Heidenreich here, at least to the extent they don’t need Booker to lose to him to build him up anymore. They seem to feel the feud with Undertaker is over – Heidenreich would’ve been a much more likely DCO opponent than Rene Dupree in the tournament if they felt otherwise – so maybe it’s about time to start salvaging whatever value Heidenreich has in him, and start using it to payoff other people.
Other Notes:
I follow SD!, though not as strong and as frequent as I once did, but I still occasionally make charts and lists to explain to others what’s going on. I know who Joy is, because they randomlly attached her to Big Show. I know who Michelle is, because she was the killer in Diva Dodgeball and “stretching assistant” has to be dumbest idea for a character based on a likely real occupation. I have absolutely no clue who these other two girls are – Rochelle and the Other One. They could pull off masks and outfits on Sunday to reveal themselves as Mae and Moolah and I wouldn’t be (too) surprised, because they don’t seem like real actual people who’ve been on SmackDown! – it feels like an inside joke I need explained.
Why you’d put people on television when you have absolutely nothing for them to do, I can not begin to understand.
Hopefully, one year, they’ll figure out a way to make this February PPV seem less like a pointless weigh station on the road to WrestleMania. They haven’t done it this year.